So you know how Nick gets really annoyed when we have trouble with cable and phone and whatever else service?
And you know how he says things like he'd rather be raped than deal with them? Or that they might pee on his rug?
This time it's Verizon.
They really really really don't want to send anyone out to help you with your service. Even though they charge $120 for it.
Nick spent all kinds of time on the phone with them several weeks ago. They asked if he'd looked at their website. Yes. If he'd done this. Yes. If he'd done that. Yes. If... Yes. If... Yes.
Finally he was like, "I've done all of it. Can you please just send someone?"
"Well, you know there will be a $120 charge."
And then the conversation looped around to other suggestions that would involve Verizon not having to come out.
Finally Nick said, "Look. I WILL PAY YOU! YOU! I WILL GIVE YOU $20 TO STOP TALKING. AND SCHEDULE SOMEONE TO COME TO MY HOUSE. Seriously. Give me your name and address. I will send you money."
I'm sure the guy was too scared to give Nick his name and address.
So he scheduled someone. Who didn't show.
After two weeks Nick got a call from Verizon. Asking if the issue was resolved.
Shockingly, the issue had not magically resolved itself!
Then the guy asked if Nick really, really wanted him to come out. Because it's a $120 charge.
And my beloved bellowed, "All I want to do is pay you $120 to come fix my wireless. YOU WOULD THINK I HAD A RAGING CASE OF HERPES AND I WAS ASKING YOU TO FRENCH KISS ME!"