Thursday, April 15, 2010

It's a wonder anyone shows up at all, don't you think?

So you know how Nick gets really annoyed when we have trouble with cable and phone and whatever else service?

And you know how he says things like he'd rather be raped than deal with them? Or that they might pee on his rug?

This time it's Verizon.

They really really really don't want to send anyone out to help you with your service. Even though they charge $120 for it.

Nick spent all kinds of time on the phone with them several weeks ago. They asked if he'd looked at their website. Yes. If he'd done this. Yes. If he'd done that. Yes. If... Yes. If... Yes.

Finally he was like, "I've done all of it. Can you please just send someone?"

"Well, you know there will be a $120 charge."

"I do."

And then the conversation looped around to other suggestions that would involve Verizon not having to come out.

Finally Nick said, "Look. I WILL PAY YOU! YOU! I WILL GIVE YOU $20 TO STOP TALKING. AND SCHEDULE SOMEONE TO COME TO MY HOUSE. Seriously. Give me your name and address. I will send you money."

I'm sure the guy was too scared to give Nick his name and address.

So he scheduled someone. Who didn't show.

After two weeks Nick got a call from Verizon. Asking if the issue was resolved.

Shockingly, the issue had not magically resolved itself!

Then the guy asked if Nick really, really wanted him to come out. Because it's a $120 charge.

And my beloved bellowed, "All I want to do is pay you $120 to come fix my wireless. YOU WOULD THINK I HAD A RAGING CASE OF HERPES AND I WAS ASKING YOU TO FRENCH KISS ME!"


  1. Verizon is the only company whose customer service made my dad lose it. Just... wow.

    You know, if they don't show, you might be entitled to a credit on your bill (in addition to not paying the $120, I mean).

  2. Nick sounds awesome.

    If I worked at Verizon and he said that to me, that would totally make my day.

    Also, sorry Verizon sucks so bad. They're the worst.

  3. Oh dear. Verizon sounds horrible. I hear stuff like this and I'm all "thank fuck I'm Canadian!" and then I realize that we have our own shitty cable/telephone/internet companies. And then I'm sad.

  4. OMG! Nick and my husband would totally get along. Unfortunately, my husband gets so ridiculously pissed at these people that he makes ME do all the calling. But, I make him stay home to deal with them, so it works out!

    Sorry Verizon sucks.

  5. That comment is classic! I wonder if the phone rep saw the humor in it?

  6. Yeah, they are a total class act! Blech!

  7. Dagny - They did ultimately come. They said what we wanted was impossible. And PS, the guy said, hey, the Verizon guy who set it up in the first place did it wrong. So we'll be needing to schedule them again.

    Nicole - Nick is awesome. But very terrible when you make him mad.

    Hillary - I've come to the conclusion that they all suck balls. No matter which company, no matter where. Why is this?

    cla517 - Nick calls because he knows what he wants to tell them. And then it should be him at home dealing with them, because he knows the whole deal. But he works a lot, so it's often not him...and then we wind up with things not being done the way they're supposed to.

    Susan H - Hard to say, but I find it unlikely.

    cfoxes - They make me mad. They all make me mad.

  8. I can see how you'd want to kiss Nick :) Why do service companies always ask if you've checked on the website? Yes, of course we have! I hope the Verizon issue is resolved soon for you.

  9. Why are these service companies allowed to be so awful? Why doesn't one, just one, phone/internet/cable provider sack up and offer good service?

    Then they can run adds like "At Lemon Gloria cable, we don't suck."

    Everyone would transfer to them and they'd make a million dollars.

  10. "All I want to do is pay you $120 to come fix my wireless. YOU WOULD THINK I HAD A RAGING CASE OF HERPES AND I WAS ASKING YOU TO FRENCH KISS ME!"

    LOL. That is too funny!
    Crazy that they were fighting with you over sending someone!

  11. He cracks me up! Both Verizon, Comcast and my health insurance has recently pissed me off.

    Except, I don't come out with funny one liners like Nick!

  12. nick's reaction was great. BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, we are ALSO having verizon wireless problems - tell me what they do and i'll pay for 10% of your service call! (Offer expires May 19th, 2010.) hee hee

  13. HKW - Yah, that's totally how he got me to kiss him the first time, in fact. :)

    The thing that makes me most crazy is how hard they make it on so many websites to actually find a number to call a human being. Grr.

    KLZ - Yes! If I knew anything at all about the business, I totally would! And that would be my motto!

    Pauline - It's the strangest thing. Why fight someone who is trying to pay you for a service call???

    irunyourun - Verizon, Comcast, and health insurance are all potential huge pisser-offers, that's for sure.

    And I don't come up with them either. I just get mad and inarticulate. Nick gets LOUD and ANGRY and says the most bizarre shit.

    LJ - So, our issue was we were trying to get two wireless modems to work together. Verizon was no help. But we called Linxsys or however you spell it and (for a fee, because it wasn't a new modem) THEY walked Nick through setting it up. So if you have a non-Verizon wireless thingy, try going through that company.

    That's all I've got.

  14. Too funny! What the heck is wrong with these companies?

  15. That really surprises me. I've never had problems with their customer support. Granted, I simply use their phone service and nothing else - but one of the main reasons I stay with them is their customer service. Sorry you guys had a sucky time with them.

  16. With regard to the question posed in your heading, I think they've stopped showing up.

  17. thanks! i will try that!! so - how much do i owe you? :)

  18. Lisa - I think it's either us, or it's that none of them have to do a particularly great job, because options are few and you'll stick with them anyway.

    But it could be us...

    Beth - My dad had great luck with Verizon and FIOS. We seem to invite complications.

    Wendy - The guy Nick said the herpes thing to actually did show up. (And told us what we want is impossible. And that the previous Verizon guy hooked stuff up wrong.) He even agreed to come back again.

    LJ - I hope that works! It has for us!

    Um, as for owing, you can hold my kid for a while when we finally meet. How's that? :)


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