Thursday, April 01, 2010

Yeah, me neither

I don't know if you maybe you have a pair of boots you think are really cute, but they have some rubber ridges on the soles that tend to make you stumble a little?

Which is all fine and well if you tend to trip a lot anyway, because then, really, what else is new?

And you usually wear them with your erection skirt, but you gave that away while you were pregnant, so you now - now being today - wear them with brown gaucho pants and a beige T-shirt and a little denim jacket.

This is all very cute and sort of springy but also sort of warm in case the weather man lied -- which he didn't, and it's spring! And you could be wearing sandals, but ah, well.

Anyway. You've worn this combo before, and you are sure that you've had to pee multiple times over the course of owning these pants and boots.

You must've. Without a problem.

But on this particular day, as you try to stand up from the toilet and pull up your pants, which you are trying to be quick about, because you're late for a meeting, the ridged rubber of one boot sort of catches in one swooshy wide leg.

This means that as you try to push your foot through while pulling up, that foot gets stuck mid-air. You don't realize it's stuck until you simultaneously push and pull hard.

Which causes you to off-balance yourself and stagger a little. On one leg. And being that those bathroom stalls aren't spacious, to maybe careen from one wall to the other.

At some point it may seem like you are going to go down. But you catch yourself after hitting the second wall.

And right yourself just in time.

By this I mean in time to assure the concerned voice from another stall that everything is, in fact, OK in there.


  1. Yeah, and I've never tried to stand up to give a standing ovation at a broadway show, on a date, and somehow caught my skirt or something on the flip up movie theater style seat and ended up flat on my ass. NOPE. Never happened to me.

    Hope you're weekend is less trippy!

  2. *sigh* I wish that I could say this never happens to me but that would be a lie.

  3. cla517 - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I mean, uh, sorry that happened to you.

    Hillary - I'm in good company, then!

  4. Wow, that stressed me out just reading about it, hahaha!

    That has not happened to me but I'm not particularly stylish. However, I did go into a restroom at the boardwalk one day with a friend. I was in the middle stall but the door wouldn't latch or stay shut so I asked my friend to hold it shut whilst I pee'd. For some stupid reason, the door opened into the stall. My friend figured she could just jam it shut so she yanked it from outside the stall so hard that it pulled the side walls right out of the back wall. The wall came up and exposed the woman on the toilet next to me. We just stared at each other for what seemed like a very long time but which in fact may have been 5 seconds. I said I was sorry but unfortunately could not stop laughing. She didn't find the situation funny at all. Since I had not yet sat down and still had my drawers up, I decided to forgo going potty and ran out quickly.....guess you had to be there. Not really the same but a potty story nonetheless: )

  5. Today... today! I am wearing new pants, that are both wide-leg and of the "tall" variety. And generously cut.

    So, I am wearing heels, because the pants are slightly too long for me, with flats. And I have *still* stepped on the pants several times in the course of getting up from a metro seat, or the loo. And each time it has been nearly disastrous.

    But I will take a few near-spills if it means I get new pants and warm weather.

  6. HaHAAA! I guess it would seem rather alarming to someone in the stall next door. I locked myself in a toilet once and had to climb out over the wall in order to get out. Loving the comments!

  7. A wardrobe malfunction AND a simultaneous display of a distinct lack of physical coordination?

    As a long-standing member of the clan afflicted by both, my hat is off to you for the JIT recovery.

  8. Kate - Laughing out loud in my cubicle. This is much funnier than my story! The visual is fantastic! Laughing and laughing.

    Dagny - I'm sure you look like one tall, gorgeous drink of water!

    You know, I have ripped the hems out of pants getting heels caught in them. It always pisses me off.

    Miranda - I think better to climb over than shimmy under on the floor, no? But how did you lock yourself IN? Wasn't the lock on the inside?

    Keenie Beanie - Thank you. I like to stick the landing.

  9. Please tell me that you don't bruise easily...

  10. This happens to me while not being quite so fashionable.

    So at least you've got that on me.

  11. You GAVE AWAY the Erection skirt?! (one of my faveorite posts!) You really should run things like this by your LG readers. It's like an Audrey Hepburn costume being tossed into the box for a garage sale!

    Really funny post :) I've recently discovered I must be sitting down to put on cowgirl boots. Unless I want to fall over sideways or flail my arms about. And I'm a little sad about it.

  12. Refugee - It occurs to me you've never seen my knees or my shins.

    KLZ - I'm not actually fashionable, although I appreciate you saying so. Nothing I had on yesterday was newer than 3-4 years old. I just put things I like together and act like it works.

    HKW - You flatter me! It was just old and despite the erection-y qualities, it didn't fit well. And then in a fit of I'M PREGNANT AND NOTHING IS EVER GOING TO FIT ME AGAIN! I got rid of a bunch of clothes.

    Being as you're a Texan, I could see how that would be embarrassing. :) And I love cowgirl boots. Love them.


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