Thursday, April 22, 2010

It's not the iPhone, it's the people

I used to really want an iPhone.

I already have AT&T, so that wouldn't be a switch. But I have a BlackBerry for work, and I'm not really a need-to-be-connected-all-the-time person, so I just never did anything about it.

I know that the iPhone does all kinds of amazing things and there are apps for everything. And I find that pretty enticing.

But what puts me off is how annoying most iPhone havers are.

And how I don't want to be one of those people.

Have you noticed this?

Most iPhone people cannot sit in a meeting without fondling it, and checking it 57 times a minute. If you're out socially with someone who has one, they tend to pay more attention to it than to you.

Which makes me feel unimportant. And when I feel unimportant enough times, I stop feeling like you're all that interesting in my life.

But there is probably a Friend App for the iPhone, so real-life friends might not be all that critical.

And on top of all the iPhone fiddling with, I am tired of the word. It's in your hand the whole time we're talking. Do you also need to refer to it 17 times in conversation?

"So I was reading the Post on my iPhone..."

"I'm working from home this afternoon. I'll have my iPhone with me."

"Let me get a picture of that with my iPhone."


I've been mentally substituting the word "vagina" for "iPhone."

Colleague sits down at meeting, pats pocket, stands up. "I'll be right back. I left my vagina on my desk!"

It keeps me pretty amused.


  1. I'm an iPhone having person, and I can't tell you how much that phone is like crack. They must weave crack into the case or something. I never had my phone on me before. Half the time the thing was dead in my purse. The iPhone? Never more than an arm's reach away. It's ridiculous.

  2. I've never had much of a desire for one. I just don't feel like I'm important enough to be connected all the damn time. I don't WANT to be connected all the time.

    My boyfriend and I have a strict "No iPhone" policy in our house. It applies to the droid phones, too. If people come over, they have to leave their phone in their pocket or we take it away. :-)

  3. Hm. I have one. And I confess, it's nice to have when I'm stuck in a long boring presentation, or some such.

    But I don't really mess with it when I'm out socially, unless it serves a purpose like directing my party to wherever it is we're trying to be.

    Also, I call it "my phone".

    Anyway, I don't think you'd ever be one of "those" iPhone people.

  4. Amen, sister. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

  5. Lisa - That is really interesting. There is clearly something about them.

    Stevie - I like that policy. It drives me crazy when I'm with someone and they pay half attention to our conversation because the phone is just so compelling.

    Dagny - Ah! I'm glad to know. I had no idea you had one, and I've seen you in person a bunch of times! And you behave like a totally normal phone-having person.

  6. Ha!

    I lusted after an iPhone until I learned that I couldn't edit files on them and that there's no insurance. I drop my phone so often I'd be buying a new one once a month.

  7. I love my iPhone. I do notice the asshole tendencies of other iPhone users though so I'm hoping that I'm not one of *those* people. I actually find that my iPhone is less intrusive than my blackberry was. The motherfucking blinky red light on my blackberry used to drive me crazy. I have my iPhone set up so that I don't receive any notifications when I have email, I have to actually check my email. I think that's what I love so much about my iPhone - I CAN be totally connected 24/7 but I don't HAVE to be. My blackberry used to give me anxiety.

    Also, I will now be referring to my iPhone as a vagina. Thank you.

  8. Oh, what a fun game! You have the best ideas for amusing games.

    I have an iPhone and wouldn't say I'm addicted to it other than I check the weather a lot and use the iPod all day everyday at work. This allows me to avoid distractions which could be anti-social but I'm a data analyst so...

    I read LG on my phone on the weekends, which is fun! I will try not to say "I read this (LG) post on my iPhone", just for you :)

  9. Oh yeah... It's CRACK!

    Passes the time especially waiting in line anywhere or when you're left at a restaurant table alone.

  10. Oh, this gives me such a good reason not to buy a vagina. I've been wanting a vagina a lot lately and haven't wanted to pay the $100/month service fee.

  11. Oh, how I would have loved to know of your vaginal substitution months ago, when I had three dates with a man who was obsessed with his iPhone. It was SO on the datewith us, it felt like a threesome!

  12. I'm somewhat addicted to my Blackberry, but that's largely because I'm overly addicted to my job... *sigh*

    That said, I'm not nearly as annoying about it as some iPhone users tend to be... but I don't mind it so much because it's good for my retirement and investment accounts.

  13. Wahkonananamama - Yes! Amen!

    lacochran - I drop my phone all the time. I'd be screwed in that case.

    Hillary - I am certain you're not an asshole iPhone user. But I would be delighted if you'd now start referring to it as a vagina.

    HKW - HAHAHA! I will make an exception for you. :)

    Also, using it as an iPod all day and checking weather I don't view the same way as having it attached to your hand every moment and it having a dominant presence when you're with others.

    Red - I definitely whip out my Blackberry when I'm waiting in lines etc. That I don't have a problem with at all.

    KLZ - Yah, that's right. That was what held me back initially, since my BB is free through work.

    freckledk - Oh, that would make me mad mad mad. Why go on a date? Why didn't he just stay home and play with his precious?

    VVK - That's different, in my opinion. And I've never had a conversation with you where you were focused on your BB rather than our conversation.

  14. iphones are way out of my budget but I do love the vagina replacement thing, we have several people at work who have them so I think I might try replacment therapy as well................this is going to be amusing, thank you.
    Have a great weekend everyone :)

  15. I also think iPhones are really cool, but marvel at the rudeness that they and other smartphones seem to foster in people. I have a smartphone (not an iPhone), and I deliberately don't take it with me to meetings or anywhere I should at least pretend to be paying attention.

  16. Oh my goodness those people drive me nuts!! Oh let me take a picture on my IPHONE! Hold on I'll look it up on my IPHONE! Let me call my friend on my IPHONE! IPHONE IPHONE IPHONE!!! Did I mention it's an IPHONE!!?!? This is why I call it the toolPhone. I have a blackberry and I call it my dang phone! haha. I love the vagina thing...I also had a few dates last year with an iphone third wheel. That would have made things much more interesting!

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  18. Don't have one, mainly because my, wow, now 4-year-old razor works just fine...until I need to settle a manly disagreement on some stupid point or another. Then it might come in handy.

    That said, I'll probably break down sometime this summer. At least then I can always have a vag with me. That's a comforting thought.

  19. Cell phone rudeness in general has gotten way out of control, whether it's a Blackberry or iPhone. People are jerks about them regardless. Really tired of hearing everybodies personal life while I'm in line at Target. I now comment on their conversations and help them give their friends advice. I figure they have made it my business. Also, the other day at Target. In line, I hear a cell ring...look over and a little girl who couldn't be a day over 8 answered it. Do 8 yr olds really need a cell phone??

  20. Go-Betty - I think you will enjoy the replacement therapy! :) Have a great weekend!

    Wendy - You make a good point about the "at least pretending to be paying attention" - definitely.

    Zinfandelina - I am now glad I was doing all my megadating before iPhones were all over the place. That would've been one more thing to contend with.

    FoggyDew - Just read your post. I know what the first app you get is going to be.

    K dog - I don't have the balls to comment on those conversations, but I am glad you do. That's hilarious.

    As for kids with cell phones - I definitely don't understand it.

  21. Ha, this is fantastic, I shall start doing this too! I've only seen a vagina once and it looked mighty fine but, hey, no need to stroke it all day long....

  22. I would like to use this format to admit to being addicted to the iPhone. Phew - now I feel better. It is rather obscene, and now that I have admitted it I can begin to recover.

    My biggest obscenity is bringing it out while driving. It starts by taking it out at the stop light to make a call (cause you have to look down to do that). Then it eases into glancing at text messages that come in while driving. Before I know it I'm trying to get across tons of useless information while driving carpool. I feel ashamed, I feel guilty. Let it be known that I have been found out!

    I'll use the vagina replacement therapy as a tool to begin recovery - it would be obscene to take it out, let alone stroke it in most circumstances. Thanks!

  23. Oh - and, more importantly unsafe!

    I just turned it off and put it away!

  24. hahaha! Yes! I hate when people talk/play on their phones when we are out. I turn my phone on low when I am at dinner/with friends that way I can still hear it if there were an emergency but I don't take it out unless I absolutely need it.


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