Wednesday, October 20, 2010
I am an American aquarium drinker
Hi. My name is Lisa, and I fell into a hole for a few days.
And then all these nice hands reached in and helped me climb out.
It wasn't one of those deep deep holes where the sides are worn down from years of sliding and you can't get a finger hold to scratch your way up towards daylight without some serious help. And everything is all crazy and swirly and awful. No, it wasn't one of those.
It was, if I have to be honest, more of a grump-hole.
And so, after a wonderful weekend and a fancy-schmancy wedding and too much wine and not enough sleep, there was this hole, just waiting for me to stumble in.
So I sat around in this pit of meaningless pointlessness, and wallowed in how meaninglessly pointless my life is, and how it doesn't matter and I don't matter and who cares anyway and oh whatever.
I could go on like this (and I assure you, I did) but you get the gist.
It might have passed in a few days or so anyway, or it could've hung around for a week or two, like the meainglesspointlessness likes to do, but in the midst of my I'm-so-pointless and-nothing-I-do-is-remotely-important-and-who-cares...you all were like, um, WE care. YOU matter and we care.
It warmed the cockles of my grumpy little wallowing in pointlessness heart. (And what are heart cockles?)
So I stood up, climbed out, and reminded myself that I might not do anything that changes the world, but really, I'm not a huge fan of humanity anyway.
I mean, I like, love, and adore lots of people - you among them. And I don't wish people ill (or at any rate, not more than a handful). But when have I ever been out to save the world? OK, there was that stint in the Peace Corps, but I kind of sucked at it. Yes, there were unhelpful circumstances, like being in love with a gay boyfriend, and also probably being clinically depressed. But I did hate it.
Like I said, I'm not a world saver.
Also, I'm not a stick-to-the-point-er. What is my point?
Um. I'm pretty sure it was going to be this: I need to matter, and you make me feel like I do. I'm so pleased and flattered that you care about me and my little family and this space I've created.
I can't promise I won't fall in another hole, because I'm a physical and metaphorical faller. But you seem to really like me anyway.
So, once again, I need to thank you. Because you make me smile and you care about me and you're such a good part of my world.
Plus, while I'm on the falling topic, I'm also a dropper. Because to be very candid with you, just now, at lunchtime, I dropped my opened can of tuna, thus dousing myself in oil, getting it all over the floor, and cutting my hand in the process.
Bonus: I get to spend the afternoon smelling like tuna.