Wednesday, October 20, 2010

I am an American aquarium drinker

Hi. My name is Lisa, and I fell into a hole for a few days.

And then all these nice hands reached in and helped me climb out.

It wasn't one of those deep deep holes where the sides are worn down from years of sliding and you can't get a finger hold to scratch your way up towards daylight without some serious help. And everything is all crazy and swirly and awful. No, it wasn't one of those.


It was, if I have to be honest, more of a grump-hole.
I turn out to be kind of a delicate flower, despite my good Viking ancestry and hearty prairie farmer genes. And sometimes I just fall into a hole. Or dig my own. And stomp around in it.

And so, after a wonderful weekend and a fancy-schmancy wedding and too much wine and not enough sleep, there was this hole, just waiting for me to stumble in.

So I sat around in this pit of meaningless pointlessness, and wallowed in how meaninglessly pointless my life is, and how it doesn't matter and I don't matter and who cares anyway and oh whatever.

I could go on like this (and I assure you, I did) but you get the gist.

It might have passed in a few days or so anyway, or it could've hung around for a week or two, like the meainglesspointlessness likes to do, but in the midst of my I'm-so-pointless all were like, um, WE care. YOU matter and we care.

It warmed the cockles of my grumpy little wallowing in pointlessness heart. (And what are heart cockles?)

So I stood up, climbed out, and reminded myself that I might not do anything that changes the world, but really, I'm not a huge fan of humanity anyway.

I mean, I like, love, and adore lots of people - you among them. And I don't wish people ill (or at any rate, not more than a handful). But when have I ever been out to save the world? OK, there was that stint in the Peace Corps, but I kind of sucked at it. Yes, there were unhelpful circumstances, like being in love with a gay boyfriend, and also probably being clinically depressed. But I did hate it.

Like I said, I'm not a world saver.

Also, I'm not a stick-to-the-point-er. What is my point?

Um. I'm pretty sure it was going to be this: I need to matter, and you make me feel like I do. I'm so pleased and flattered that you care about me and my little family and this space I've created.

I can't promise I won't fall in another hole, because I'm a physical and metaphorical faller. But you seem to really like me anyway.

So, once again, I need to thank you. Because you make me smile and you care about me and you're such a good part of my world.

Plus, while I'm on the falling topic, I'm also a dropper. Because to be very candid with you, just now, at lunchtime, I dropped my opened can of tuna, thus dousing myself in oil, getting it all over the floor, and cutting my hand in the process.

Bonus: I get to spend the afternoon smelling like tuna.



  1. Keep it up, lady! We're here for you! Even if you do smell like tuna.

  2. Monique Esselmont10/20/2010 3:41 PM

    Lisa, you are such an amazing person, and I've been one of the lucky ones who have actually had a chance to have a tiny little piece of your life. You really do make a difference. You are sooooooo loved, my friend. Keep your chin up. You are an amazing writer and one day you will have the courage to write that book and we will have the enjoyment to read it! I'm looking forward to it! It's been so nice to read this blog and get a peak into your life right now! You're amazing!! xoxo

  3. I suggest switching to tuna canned in spring water, thereby avoiding the oily fishy smell. Also it's healthier for you.

    As another less than enthusiastic supporter of humanity in general, I say, keep up the good work. You don't know the effect you have.

  4. Glad we could help. I always tell everyone that getting off the sinking ship is only half the battle. Surviving the whirlpool is the tricky part. (I think my whirlpool is sort of like your meaninglessness hole.)

    Anyway, you are doing something for the world. You are raising that gorgeous little man!

  5. "I mean, I like, love, and adore lots of people - you among them."

    Wow. This is kind of unexpected. I didn't realize you wanted to take it to the next level. Garsh.

  6. Luna - Thank you. I'd say hugs to you, but you don't want to smell like tuna.

    Mo - Thank you thank you for the sweet words. I so appreciate it, my dear friend. I hope we get to see each other again one day soon!

    FoggyDew - Ah, thanks, my friend. Also, Genova tuna in olive oil is really yummy. Much more delicious than in water. Much.

    cla517 - Yes. Whether it's a whirlpool or a meaningless hole, it's the same.

    And you are right - my little man!

    lacochran - Oh. Well, I'm not expecting a ring or anything. Maybe just a little hand holding?

  7. You should totally post the story about what happened with the Peace Corps! I know a couple people who have been volunteers, and read about a lot sounds hellish, for someone like me anyway...

  8. Being a faller makes you human. I heartily dislike robot blogs that are all sunshine!unicorns!sparklebutts! I adore you is what I'm saying.

  9. Also, I was eating yogurt as I typed that comment and just as I hit send, I dropped a spoonful down my lower-cut-than-is-appropriate-for-the-office shirt. I have yogurt-covered boobs to match your tuna-smelling outfit. Solidarity!

  10. And look at that? You're a budding artist as well! Glad you got out of your grump hole-didn't look all that comfortable. :)

  11. I always get excited to see you pop up in my Google reader because your posts always make my day a little brighter. We all have the grumps sometimes, and it's nice to hear you're not perfect either :) I hate blogs that make it look like their life is always idyllic.

  12. Ahhh. The Grump-hole. Well, I'm always around with a rope ladder or hook or something, whenever you need a hand. Of course, I might just decide to climb in there with you and keep you grumpy company.

  13. I'm in a hole at work so I missed yesterday's post. I hate days when I don't make time to read an LG post - because it means I haven't taken any time for myself that day and your writing always warms my heart, makes me laugh, cry, think or ponder. You're entitled to a grump hole, I'm glad LG readers played a part in lighting up your smile again. So sorry about the tuna, too, ouch.

  14. Oh I am TOTALLY in a grump hole like that right now. I hope I can find the energy to climb out of soon, but right now I'm staying in there, and my sparkling rose wine is staying in there with me.

    Which makes me sort of happy, rather conversely.

  15. You climbed out of the grump hole right into awesome. Great post. Also, good to know you won't be leaving us.

  16. Hey Tuna Girl, you ever heard this saying

    "Our friends are the angels who lift us up when our wings have forgotten how to fly"

    We are your friends and you are ours. When you get the grumps and the pointlessnothingness just remember WE CARE just like you care about us :-)

  17. Frugal Vegan Mom - Maybe I will. That's a nice idea. Thanks. My experience wasn't extreme, it just wasn't very me.

    Hillary - I love you so. I do, I do. You and your yogurt boobs. But I would kind of like to have a sparklebutt, now that you mention it.

    kayare - Thanks :). Ha - it's not totally comfortable, but it's not so uncomfortable, because it's very familiar, if that makes sense.

    Tia - You are so sweet. :) I have very little tolerance for the oh I'm so awesome and so is my life! blogs.

    Jessica - I would be so delighted for you to keep my grumpy company. We could drink wine and grouse. It would be great.

    HKW - Huge huge hugs to you, always.

    P - You will find your way out, but sometimes it's kind of cozy in there. Wine is helpful. Definitely helpful. Also, Work Crush likes you. I'm sure he does.

    Dana - Oh, thank you. Really, thank you.

    Go-Betty - One day I am going to meet you in person and I am going to give you the biggest hug. I seriously am.

  18. So glad you're out of the hole, my dear. Falling in occasionally just means you're human. And a little klutzy :)

  19. Oh man, I can't BELIEVE I care so much about somebody I've never met and probably never will meet. It's almost bizarre in a way. But when all's said and done, I think it's all because you're so darn good at bein' a regular ol' human being. I've been in my share of holes - and who hasn't?
    There's two kinds of folks in the world: those whose shit stinks, and those who are in denial about it.

  20. I'm a lurker, and a dropper (my keyboard still smells of soy sauce after a nasty sushi related incident yesterday) but I just wanted to show my face and say that I know just how you feel. Hope the hole isn't too deep and that lots of hugs help.

  21. Me grumpy lass! First, is the title a jeff tweedy reference? If not, it should be. Second, I hope you're feeling just fine. Miss you & talk soon.
    Hugs, Laura

  22. THIS. this is exactly why we/I love you (not in a weird creepy way, you get it... anyway) it's like reading Shel Silverstein for adults. and we can all relate and it's just wonderful and honest and i'm glad you've decided to stay a while... or at least until the next hole.
    and i seem to be a day behind all the time now, i blame it on Google reader

  23. Lynn - Yah, human, and yah, klutzy. Hugs to you, my friend.

    tammater sammich - What a sweet, kind thing to say. Thank you so much.

    Mud in the City - Thank you for your comment, and for the soy sauce giggle. I appreciate it.

    Laura - Yes! Wilco! I miss you, too. See you next month!

    jen - Ah, thank you! I love being compared to Shel Silverstein! That is an amazing compliment.

  24. Lisa,
    You do matter! You don't know me and I only occassionally comment, but read your blog religiously. You give me hope as a DC single gal that it is possible to find the rare gem out there and that all the stupid things I do, like trip on the sidewalk or run out of room in my shoe filing cabinet drawer at work, are okay and not weird. So go treat yourself to some kick-ass boots and hug that kid of yours! And maybe, it was really just a pothole and not a hole-hole?


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