Monday, October 11, 2010

Why bloggers fall down

I don't know if bloggers fall down more than normal people, or just talk about it more, but if we do, maybe it's not as much a lack of coordination as a lack of judgment.

I decided this last week, after visiting my OB. I got these blood tests (which were all in the normal range. According to them, I'm normal. Ha!).

And then I had to pee.

And of course, being an OB-GYN office, there are all those pee cups sitting on the shelves behind the toilet. The shockingly unstable shelves. I know because I've bumped into them before.

And as they shook I thought, "Would it be terrible to knock those shelves over?"

I didn't. In case you're worrying. But those cups sloshed ominously.

So you know, now it's fall. And it's chilly and it's warm. And so you wear a cardigan, because you're cold. And then you take it off because you're hot.

And there I was in this bathroom, carrying a purse and a sweater, with nowhere to put either. I hung the bag around my neck and held the cardigan, as I figure there are pee molecules everywhere, because being a former pregnant woman, I know how hard it is to pee in a cup as the weeks go on.

I never peed on their bathroom floor. But it's a messy affair.

So there I was, encumbered by stuff, hovering, trying not to touch the seat.And then I thought, "Hey! I should just put my cardigan on!"

Which, when you're staning up or sitting down, is not a hard task. But when you are doing neither, but rather hovering bare-assed, and you try sticking your hand through a sleeve, and your balance is never the most stellar anyway...
So I careened around a little, trying not to fall on the seat, and not to crash into the shelves behind the toilet, thus covering myself a number of pregnant women's pee.

Seriously. Picture this: "Uh, hello Mrs. Pregnant. This is Dr. X's office. Could you come back in and give us another sample? Yes, I know it's inconvenient. Some idiot knocked over our urine specimine shelves."

And they'd have to do this to like 10 people. And they'd always remember me as the woman who left the office covered in 10 pregant women's urine. I'd have to find a new doctor. Plus, I wouldn't have been able to return to my own office.

PLUS I'd have been covered in other people's urine. Gah!

Anyway. It was sort of best case scnario, as I reeled a bit, one arm flailing, the other clutching my pants (like it matters if your pants fall down in private) and finally wound up kicking the trash can and slamming against the wall.
Nobody remarked on any kind of commotion on the way out.


  1. They just leave all the pee samples there, above the toilet? For how long?!?

    Am I the only one who finds this a little disturbing? My doctor has a little cubby... You put your sample in the door, and the nurse takes it from the other side. No stockpiling of samples in the bathroom. No chance of contamination, spilling, shelves getting knocked over...

    I think I would be bothered by shelves of other people's pee hovering above me as I tried to fill a cup. Maybe I'm weird!

  2. I don't know. It's a really busy office, so I'm certain there's regular collection - just a lot of pee samples working their way through. There are closed cups for the sterile samples, but once you're just giving pregnancy pee it's a regular cup.

  3. I think bloggers just fall more. And we write about it. I fall all the time. My favorite line is, "I quit drinking, but I didn't quit falling down!"

  4. OH, and anyone who needs clean pee for a UA now knows where to go. Your OB's office! Seriously. People do this. Steal pee. For their drug tests.

  5. Hold the phone. Your office just has pee sitting around? That other peeople (pun!) see? That's 100% not allowed around here! You either hand it directly to the nurse, or you put it in a secret window that goes to the lab (depending on the clinic). That is really gross and weird that your doc has pee sitting around.

  6. Sheesh. First of all- they need a better system, or at least more freuent pee pick up. Second- I'm so glad you didn't knock all the pee over. I was WORRIED.

  7. I'm freaked out by the pee cups. My doc has a little door that goes directly into the lab. Pee in the cup, stick it in the little door, nurse is waiting on the other side to take it.

    I totally spilled pee on the floor of the OB's office. It was the day I went in because to see if I was leaking fluid. I was 8 months pregnant, wearing a dress, and shaking like a leaf because I was terrified. There was some splashage. So you're very smart in your assumption that the bathroom is covered with pee.

  8. I agree with Erin, I'd demand secured pee. My doctor has the same cubby and nurse process.

    Love the drawings! I'm so glad they depict your doctor's office, because when I saw the first picture, I thought "I hope those are perfume bottles in Lisa and Nick's bathroom!" Good save, bumping into the wall and trashcan - so glad you made it out of there germ free!

  9. My GP collects urine this way. I always wondered what would happen if someone mixed them up (for the hell of it) or added something to yours. I'm paranoid by nature. I always hate going to the bathroom at the OB-GYN office. Any woman that's been pregnant knows the possibilities. Hey-great save!

  10. I only fall down when I'm drunk.

    But I DO drink a lot...

  11. Kate - I think it could be true that bloggers fall more. I really do.

    As for the stealing urine...that never occurred to me!

    Tia - Yikes. Now I feel kind of dirty, because it never bothered me, except when I was worried it would fall on me.

    Maiden Metallurgist - I'm going to ask in casual conversation next time I go. And thank you for your concern. I was worried too!

    Lisa - It's so hard to pee in those cups as you get bigger and bigger and can't even see the damn cup anymore. I'm certain there's urine all over the place.

    HKW - Hahaha - demand secure pee!

    It would be kind of horrifying if it turned out we save our pee in cups in the bathroom, wouldn't it? Oh, those? We just like how they look.

    kayare - The thing is, for the preg ones, aren't they just testing for sugar and I don't know what else? So even if you stuck cyanide in there, they wouldn't be looking for it.

    P - And you're a blogger. So there you go!

  12. Bloggers are just more open about their moments of humiliation.

    Also, I am with Erin. It is so odd that there is pee just chilling in the bathroom.

  13. Count me in the camp of those finding it odd that there are multiple cups of pee sitting on a shelf.

    But it makes for a funny story.

  14. I always wondered if there was someone with worse aim than a drunk/hungover man. Now I know. Great drawings.

  15. Yeah, a shelf of pee samples is a bit weird. They need to do something about that. At my last OB, you got to use the little protein and sugar test strips yourself (they were on a shelf next to the clean cups), and then you just told the doctor the results. So no pee sitting around, and instant gratification!

    At my last doctor visit, I had to pee in the cup, then walk with the cup down the hall to find the nurse... Not good. Especially because it was a clear cup, not a dixie cup. At least give me the dignity of an opaque dixie cup...

  16. The last time I had a sample of that nature to contend with, I put the lid on and labeled it myself, and then the tech had me put it in a little cabinet. I think I'm very pro-self-lidding.

    Also, I'm glad you're not covered in pee.

  17. I definitely feel like I fall more than the average person. Like I always say, "Not falling is hard!"

  18. i'll say it again... i LOVE when you doing the drawings!

  19. Well, you *say* they think you're normal, but perhaps they made a wee note on your chart after all the commotion on the bathroom... You never know! (Thank goodness it wasn't the catastrophe it could have been!)

  20. So, I am clearly in the minority in not being at all bothered by cups of pee sitting around. I don't know what this says about me.

    Lexa - We're definitely more open about humiliations, that's for sure.

    Wendy - I seriously never questioned it until these comments.

    FoggyDew - I love knowing that I have worse aim than a drunk man. Nice.

    Luna - Interesting! I've never dipped the strips in!

    I don't know. I'd be horrified if I had to carry a cup of poo down the hall, but a clear cup of urine wouldn't faze me one bit.

    Jessica - Until I was preg, I always had those sterile cups that you cover and label. I was so surprised that you didn't have to wipe with those towelettes and cover it and all. It's all very casual, I guess because they're not looking for bacteria?

    Nicole - I definitely agree. Not falling is hard.

    stacy - Oh, thank you! It's fun!

    Karen - It's a busy busy (often irritatingly so) office. I bet they never noticed.

  21. Your art work is inspiring and becoming much more detailed: ) I hate the pee cup situation as well...almost as much as I hate the small paper sheets they give you now to cover up while you're waiting 30 plus minutes naked to see the doctor. Who's idea was that anyway?

  22. I'm so glad that you didn't end up covered in strangers' pee. Even though that would have been a funny story. Funny in a tragic way I mean.

  23. Oh my god I nearly wet myself laughing!

    Which would have had a similar result, but not quite as disgusting!

  24. Pee in cup on shelves Very freaky. Know what you mean about not wanting to sit down or place your stuff on any of the surfaces. Hanging your bag off your neck is what I would have done too ;D


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