Nick likes to call it a jab well done

I've become kind of like a reformed smoker.

And by that I mean this: After months and months of not sleeping, or sleeping poorly, of waking up at 4 am, of having random night sweats...I started getting acupuncture. She also has me drinking an herbal concoction, which tastes like carpet backing, or anyway, what I imagine carpet backing to taste like.

Anyway.

So I spent all those months exhausted and dragging and just scraping through each and every day, waiting to sleep. And waking unrefreshed and starting over.

I contacted my OB and an acupuncturist, and started the acupuncture just before going in for blood tests. All of which came back normal.

And if I'd not already started feeling better from the acupuncture treatment, I'd have railed against the "normal" diagnosis, because nothing was normal. Something was clearly off.

Which leads to my reformed smokerness. Because now, now I want everyone to get acupuncture.

I am like this, I know. I love it! Here, have some! You'll love it too!

But really, when you don't sleep for a long time and then you suddenly start sleeping, all night, for nights in a row, it is seriously like Kansas to Oz. It's like unicorns and puppies and magic dipped in chocolate and slathered on rainbows.

Or maybe not exactly, because they might drown in the chocolate plus you'd have to smoosh them to get them to stick to the rainbow, which sounds rather violent and brutal. But you know what I'm saying.

My world improved immensely in a matter of weeks.

And then last night, J woke up sobbing at 4:30 am. Nick is gone, so I wasn't sleeping all that well anyway. So I got up to comfort him, and then went back to bed, but I was awake. Awakey awake.

You know that terrible little awakey dance you do in those early dark hours? When you want to be asleep, but you're awake, but hopeful that if you lie very still you'll soon be asleep?

I don't know about you, but I'm all:

I'm hot under the covers. But I can't kick them off because the air in the room is really chilly. But I could just stick one leg out. That'll cool me down. But what if I get too cold and then I have to wait to warm up before I go to sleep?

I'll just lie very still and hope to cool down.

I have to pee. But not terribly. But I'd be more likely to fall back asleep with an empty bladder. But if I get up to pee, I have to walk down the hall. I might step on a bug, so I'll have to turn on a light. And then if I turn on a light, it'll wake me up more.

I'll stay in bed.

I'm thirsty. But if I have another sip of water, it'll make me have to pee more. But I hate being thirsty. I can't fall asleep thirsty. But if I finish the water, then I won't fall asleep because I'll worry that I'll wake up thirsty again and then I'll definitely have to go downstairs to get more.

Also, my friend Jennifer in junior high, did she like Stacy more than me?

And is that a normal noise? Or a not-normal noise?

Shit like this. It goes on for about an hour.

And then you finally get up, turn on the light against bugs and noises, pee, get water, cool yourself down in the process, get back in bed, and sleep. You should've just gotten up a damn hour ago.

See why I'm all out proselytizing about the acupuncture and the magic and the non-smoking unicorns?