Thursday, October 21, 2010

Nick likes to call it a jab well done

I've become kind of like a reformed smoker.

And by that I mean this: After months and months of not sleeping, or sleeping poorly, of waking up at 4 am, of having random night sweats...I started getting acupuncture. She also has me drinking an herbal concoction, which tastes like carpet backing, or anyway, what I imagine carpet backing to taste like.


So I spent all those months exhausted and dragging and just scraping through each and every day, waiting to sleep. And waking unrefreshed and starting over.

I contacted my OB and an acupuncturist, and started the acupuncture just before going in for blood tests. All of which came back normal.

And if I'd not already started feeling better from the acupuncture treatment, I'd have railed against the "normal" diagnosis, because nothing was normal. Something was clearly off.

Which leads to my reformed smokerness. Because now, now I want everyone to get acupuncture.

I am like this, I know. I love it! Here, have some! You'll love it too!

But really, when you don't sleep for a long time and then you suddenly start sleeping, all night, for nights in a row, it is seriously like Kansas to Oz. It's like unicorns and puppies and magic dipped in chocolate and slathered on rainbows.

Or maybe not exactly, because they might drown in the chocolate plus you'd have to smoosh them to get them to stick to the rainbow, which sounds rather violent and brutal. But you know what I'm saying.

My world improved immensely in a matter of weeks.

And then last night, J woke up sobbing at 4:30 am. Nick is gone, so I wasn't sleeping all that well anyway. So I got up to comfort him, and then went back to bed, but I was awake. Awakey awake.

You know that terrible little awakey dance you do in those early dark hours? When you want to be asleep, but you're awake, but hopeful that if you lie very still you'll soon be asleep?

I don't know about you, but I'm all:

I'm hot under the covers. But I can't kick them off because the air in the room is really chilly. But I could just stick one leg out. That'll cool me down. But what if I get too cold and then I have to wait to warm up before I go to sleep?

I'll just lie very still and hope to cool down.

I have to pee. But not terribly. But I'd be more likely to fall back asleep with an empty bladder. But if I get up to pee, I have to walk down the hall. I might step on a bug, so I'll have to turn on a light. And then if I turn on a light, it'll wake me up more.

I'll stay in bed.

I'm thirsty. But if I have another sip of water, it'll make me have to pee more. But I hate being thirsty. I can't fall asleep thirsty. But if I finish the water, then I won't fall asleep because I'll worry that I'll wake up thirsty again and then I'll definitely have to go downstairs to get more.

Also, my friend Jennifer in junior high, did she like Stacy more than me?

And is that a normal noise? Or a not-normal noise?

Shit like this. It goes on for about an hour.

And then you finally get up, turn on the light against bugs and noises, pee, get water, cool yourself down in the process, get back in bed, and sleep. You should've just gotten up a damn hour ago.

See why I'm all out proselytizing about the acupuncture and the magic and the non-smoking unicorns?


  1. Clearly, you're onto something. I always just get up. First sign of needing to pee? Get up. Drink of water? Get up. Because damnit. I'm going to get up eventually, why put it off?

  2. I know those sleepless twine-times well. This is the music that plays in the background of my mind, hour after hour:

  3. Ugh. I totally get it. Generally I sleep like a log. But lately, if I wake up at 4:30, my mind starts going and then it's over. I've started just getting up because my alarm goes off at 5:30 anyway, so it's useless.

    Hope everyone stays asleep tonight!

  4. Oh I hate the early morning routine. For me it's like "Okay, I have to be up for work in 3 hours. If I fall asleep right NOW I can have 3 more hours of sleep. Fret fret fret. Okay. Now I have to be up for work in 2 hours. If I fall asleep RIGHT NOW I can still get a couple hours of sleep. Fret fret fret." Until it's about 20 minutes before my alarm goes off and I fall into a deep sleep. It's bullshit.

  5. Have you tried all the different body contortions and angles, to keep from having to pee for a bit longer? I am convinced that, if you arch your back a bit, and maybe twist a tad to the side, the pee just distributes itself somewhere inside better, and you can just the tiniest bit more comfort. No, it generally doesn't work.
    Acupuncture is the greatest, isn't it?

  6. I never understood Dorothy's desire to go back to black and white Kansas. Stupid child. They were still going to kill her dog. *shakes head*

  7. Hey, I do the same thing -- except instead of acupunture I'm like "Yoga -- YO - GA. You gotta try it!" Driving my family bonkers. Telling people with frozen shoulder: Yoga. Telling people with depression: Yoga. Seriously, it is good to know that other people develop OCD issues around something really good for you. Love the blog, Lisa. I'm hooked so much I don't miss a post. Keep it up.

  8. Yay acupuncture! Clever Nick and his jabs! I hate that I have to pee a little feeling in the early hours. The fretting is the worse.

  9. I know several people who've had great success with acupuncture for a variety of conditions. I wonder if it can help with procrastination.

  10. Kate - It's so stupid. I should just get up. I know. Now.

    texpatriate - That would propel me straight out of bed. I'd be batshit if I stayed in bed listening to that overandoverandover.

    cla517 - Yikes. I don't have to get up until 7-something when Nick is home. 5:30 is awfully close to 4:30.

    Hillary - YES! I have certainly done this. And I count down and am all, fuck, now I only have two hours. If I fall asleep this second. Shit. Now it's one hour and 45 minutes.

    Susan H - That is really funny. And the pee sloshing around and redistributing image is a funny one as well. No, I haven't tried. And yes, I've become this huge fan. You enable me to sleep, I will believe anything you tell me.

    lacochran - Toto was still going to be killed? But wasn't the wicked witch the mean neighbor? Or would she be alive in Kansas even though she was dead in Oz? Confused.

    Meg - And I am very glad to hear from you that you are like that. I know soon everyone I've ever met is going to be all enough with the acupuncture already! And thanks for the nice words.

    kayare - Yes, clever Nick. He likes to poke fun. Hahahaha. I hate all of those early morning thoughts and sleep interruptions. Grr.

    Lisa - I don't see why not. Since it's magic, after all.

  11. This blog is boring

  12. Hmmm... acupuncture. I've spent the last few weeks getting up around 4 am myself. Not happily I might add.

  13. That's cute, Nick!
    What I use for nights like you described, is listen with my wireless headphones, (Sennheisers) to a a meditation tape. No music, just a quiet voice. I've only ever heard the first few minutes of it...ZZZzzz...


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