So we got this raisin bran cereal at Costco the other day. And actually, now that I think about it, I should back up and talk a little about my upbringing, because that's more the story.
I think I’ve said this before, but with the countries we lived in while I was growing up, plus the fact that my dad worked in public health, poo was a viable dinner table topic. At a very young age I was well versed in all kinds of parasites, their life-cycles, the ways in which they manifest in humans, and what one would do to treat them.
I do find them fascinating. Guinea Worm is my favorite, because I find it the most repulsive. Anything that bursts out of your skin, as a whole long worm, that you have to twist around a stick slowly, over weeks, to extract from your body? Wins the parasite prize, in my book.
And Betty hates talking about this kind of thing. Every once in a while she’d say, “Please. Could we just have no more anal talk at the dinner table?” Alas, it was in vain. It’s an endlessly riveting topic. For some.
Plus, if you have ever backpacked anywhere like Nepal, you know that weird things happen with your bowels, even if you don’t have parasites. Travelers will sit down at breakfast and be all, “Dude, my poo was green. Has this ever happened to you?” Because all these startling things happen, and you want to check in with others to know if it’s normal or if you need to see someone about it.
And if you have ever had parasites, you know how weird and compelling a lot of the details are. On top of this, you know full well that parasites are transmitted through fecal-oral contact. In other words, if you get parasites, it’s probably because someone who served you some food had some teeny-tiny microscopic bit of fecal matter on his hands.
Just knowing this makes you throw up a little in your mouth. But it also makes you think a lot about fecal matter. Or poo, as I prefer to call it.
If you’ve ever had worms, you know it’s just too horrifying not to talk about. And if you’ve ever had or had to share a room with someone who has Giardia, I assure you, it’s hideously unmistakable. And unforgettable.
So in my growing up and in my travels as an adult, there has always been a lot of poo talk.
Before college I didn’t realize that most Americans are not OK with it. I really embarrassed a good friend of mine in college in front of her boyfriend and a few other people by saying something like, “Right – that was the day you had the terrible diarrhea!”
She pulled me aside later to tell me how upset she was. Was I trying to embarrass her?
Seriously, that was my first realization that diarrhea was not something to admit to. Huh.
But you know, you are who you are. And your topics are your topics, although you grow and learn and realize the need to censor. Sometimes. When you really have to.
So back to the cereal. We bought this raisin bran cereal at Costco the other day. It's delicious and really crunchy and has tons of raisins. It's easy to eat a huge bowlful. Or maybe two.
However, I now just refer to it as colon blow. Like, “So, can I pour you a nice bowl of colon blow?”
If you are someone prone to constipation, you might want to get this cereal.
Honestly. My Monday was an emergency poo-fest. I got in the car at the end of the day and said, “So, I don’t know if it was the raisin bran, but…”
And Nick said, “You don’t actually need to complete that sentence. I know you, and I know precisely where you are going to go with it.”
It’s amazing how fast you get to know people.