Wednesday, February 06, 2008

A sort of gross yourself out contest

I haven't bathed since Monday.

On Monday at noon I came home from work and put on fleece pants and a fleece jacket. I was so completely freezing cold I just kept piling more stuff on, and couldn't bear the thought of taking anything off long enough to take a shower.

The only reason I took them off at 3 this morning was because I'd sweated clean through them. And was simultaneously freezing and boiling.

I spent all last night with a fever and chills. I took them off and soaked through another set of clothes. And now, though I have on a clean t-shirt I'm back in the fleece jacket that I picked up off the floor next to my bed, figuring, I'm not any cleaner than I was, and my sheets are already dried sweaty and gross, so why the hell not?

If this is making you throw up a little in your mouth, well, I can't blame you.

I figure I'll bathe before work tomorrow. Or tonight as celebration for feeling better. Because while I'm exhausted, I do feel 93 times better. I'm pretty sure this one isn't going to kill me.

You could say, why not just get up and take a shower now, if you feel better? And wash your damn sheets? And you would be making a valid point.

But I have to say, the mudpuppy side of me has me wondering how long I could keep this up. Like, if I weren't leaving the house till Saturday, could I hold out till then? Could I wallow in unbathed filth till next Monday?

And because, like raindrops on kittens, words are a few of my favorite things, I looked up "filth" on And look at all these delightful synonyms! I'm going to have to figure out how to work "feculence" and "putrefaction" into speaking/writing very soon!

Main Entry: filth
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: dirt
Synonyms: carrion, contamination, corruption, crud, defilement, dregs, dung, excrement, feces, feculence, filthiness, foul matter, foulness, garbage, grime, impurity, mire, muck, mud, nastiness, ordure, pollution, putrefaction, putrescence, putridity, refuse, rottenness, scuzz, sediment, sewage, silt, sleaze, slime, slop, sludge, slush, smut, trash, uncleanness


  1. Thank God you have to work tomorrow. I'm not even around you and the idea of you not showering until Monday totally stresses me out.

    Glad you're feeling better!

  2. You just made me laugh out loud. And even though laughing makes me cough, it's still good. Thanks.

  3. enh... There is nothing wrong with not showering when you're sick. So you smell... so what?


  4. my favorite synonym is smut.

    not surprising.

  5. VVK - Ha! Thanks! And my nose is all stuffed up, so I can't tell! (although I did just shower and it felt awesome)

    Slightly Disorganized - Shocking, really. :)

  6. Feculence!! HAHAHAHA!! Darling, even in your worst moments, you're not feculent. Is that even a word? Oh well, whatever, I'm glad you're feeling better, doll!

  7. Proof positive that there's a Princess Bride quotation for every occasion!:

    "And that's what she is, the Queen of Refuse! So, bow down to her if you want. Bow to her. Bow to the Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of Putrescence. Boo! Boo! Rubbish! Filth! Slime! Muck! Boo! Boo!"

  8. Almost - Ginormous, massive, non-feculent hugs to you!

    Mark - OHHHH, that is so fantastic!!! I desperately need to see that movie again. So many of the best quotes come from there.

  9. I was looking through the synonyms and as soon as I saw putrescence I thought of The Princess Bride. It was on today (Wednesday). I watched some of it while I, um, worked.

    I like scuzz, too, for its zzzz sound.

    Glad you're considering a shower, but really, until you're entirely fetid, who cares?

  10. You know... I think this is one area where my OCD mandates that we be different people.

    I showered twice today. Then again, the steam felt so nice in my head...

  11. Personally, I'd like to see the DT/LG Odd Couple Quarantine. I have the feeling that would be some pretty good TV (at least relatively speaking, compared to what's on now; faint praise, perhaps, but still). Plus, you're both infinitely better looking than Walter Matthau, so there's that.

    It could be called Law and Ordure.


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