Night before turning in UNICEF donations
Jordan: Mama, I'm going to go see if India has any money for my UNICEF box.
Me: India doesn't have any money, love.
Jordan: How do you know?
Me: Because she's two.
Halloween Trick or Treating
Candy hander-outer: A princess! Who are you?
India: I'm India!
Candy hander-outer: India! Like the country?
India: INDIA LILLIAN! (you imbecile)
Me: So, it turns out feral cat poop is a huge problem in Dallas.
Nick: This is an extremely random start to a conversation. Even for you.
Shower area of swimming pool locker room
Jordan: Daddy! Who is that guy over there? The one with the butt?
Nick: We don't know him.
Jordan (loudly): Well, your penis is bigger than his! Look!
Nick: Let's just focus on taking our own shower.