|Me, 10 years ago|
This is longer than my longest romantic relationship, which at this point is approaching nine years. It's way longer than I've lived in most places.
Really, this relationship, with all of you imaginary friends--many of whom I've been lucky enough to get to know in person--is one of the longest and most constant I've had.
I was thinking about where I was when I started. And it was here: heartbroken, fearful, insecure, depressed...really, kind of broken.
Some of you have been with me since the beginning, when my dear friend Kaysha said, "Do it! Start your blog!"
A few of my friends approved wholeheartedly. Some disapproved. Some just thought I was odd, but that's true; I am odd.
My dad read it from the start. He'd send me notes about typos or grammar. Sometimes he would lament my profane mouth; I'm well educated enough to use myriad other words.
I know now that he was proud of me, although he didn't say it to me. I'd hear the criticism. He'd sent my blog posts to friends, though. He'd talk about my writing.
Recently I was in a writing workshop and someone asked me why I started blogging.
I think the most honest answer is that I wanted to write and I desperately needed support, although I had no idea that was what I was looking for.
Truly, I could never have expected to encounter such fine people. I've met such smart, funny, interesting people, just by showing up here and writing.
Then they also asked how I named my blog, and of course I had to say it was my porn name. And also my Match.com profile name, which is up there with the poorest choices I've mad.
When I started I wrote every day. Every day. I had so much to say. And I wanted to say it to you!
I wrote blog posts in my head on my walk to work. I spun them around. And I typed them up at lunch. It was so easy. My head is so busy! And I finally had somewhere to put the words!
I now have less time, and honestly, my life is a lot less varied. I don't think I can ever top the Internet dates for blogging fodder. I was looking for love and I found all kinds of fabulous stories.
Sadly, I do think it's true that I got a lot less funny after I fell in love.
Such is life.
Blogging has given me a number of gifts. First would be friends. I have met heart people here, people I value tremendously and genuinely love.
It has made me a more honest person. I've laid myself bare, and people have responded with thanks, with their own stories.
I don't, in retrospect, know that I've always done the right thing being so open and honest. My dad was so angry that I wrote about him. He felt it was very unfair.
And for my part, all I could see was that he was shattering my life all over again. That he wanted us to live in silence because it was more comfortable for him. But it was killing us.
For me, it was such a relief to start talking about mental illness and suicide that I couldn't stop. I haven't stopped. He is gone, and there's no question of fair or unfair. But I don't know that I was 100 percent in the right back then.
Through this blog, I have come to believe that most of us have lived through something terrible, something brutal. We aren't all comfortable talking about it in public, but we need to be able to share, and to know that we aren't alone in our vulnerability, in our pain. To lay it out without being judged.
Darkness and fear are heavy. They are cumbersome. Everything starts to feel better when you call them out by name. When you expose them to sunshine and air they start to dissipate.
I feel so grateful and honored that people feel comfortable sharing with me.
Blogging has made me a better writer. I look back at early posts and I am tempted to re-write them, because I know I could do a better job now. But that's who I was then, and this is who I am now.
Thank you for reading. Thank you for your support, and for holding my hand through some very rough times. Thank you for not bailing on me even when I did things like rub butter on a complete stranger's nose.
Thank you for being part of my life. I am so lucky.
Love and hugs,
Oh Lisa thank you for writing! Yours was one of the first "blogs" I ever started reading, no idea how I found it, bored at work at some point probably. Countless times your words have made me laugh, cry, think about things, especially about depression which I previously knew nothing about and may have fallen into the judgmental category of people. So please know what a difference you have made in at least how one person thinks about the world!ReplyDelete
I am so glad that you were bored at work and stumbled across my blog! I love knowing you, and am glad to have occasional updates on your life. You are a lovely person, and I am so grateful for the kind words. Big hugs.Delete
Ahhh Lisa, the thanks is to you for writing such funny, witty, brave, heart rending honest accounts of yourself. I have been following you since before you met Nick and have so enjoyed your opinions stories musings and wit. I always refer to you as my friend in DC. You have inspired and motivated. 10 yrs and heres to many more to come. xxxReplyDelete
Thank you so much, Jo! You are my friend in the antipodes! And that's a word you taught me, please know! I'm glad we are friends, and one day I am going to come visit your side of the world, and we will meet in person! Big hugs!Delete
Keep writing-you inspire and entertain me! Stay odd- the best people are anyway. Keep making me laugh! Keep making me think. Love ya! ShellReplyDelete
Thank you, Michelle! Love you right back. I will keep writing, and you know I'll stay odd. Nothing to do but move forward. :) Big hugs and much love to you!Delete
I've always loved your tagline. It is perfect for this blog. And I can relate, as people have mistaken me for sweet/perky all my life. Thank you for writing about the dark *and* the funny. Thank you for sharing so much important stuff with us. I second what frugalveganmom said above -- I think you have opened a lot of eyes about depression and mental illness with your writing.
I feel so very lucky to have had the chance to meet you, even if it was only a couple times. Still blown away by the OBX coincidence this summer. Maybe the next time you'll be up in Seattle!
Laura, Thank you for the kind words! I feel super lucky to have met you, and I'm so glad we've gotten to see each other in person a couple times. I LOVED the OBX coincidence!Delete
When I make it to Seattle, which I WILL one of these days, I definitely want to see you!
Big hugs and much love to you!
Ever since I found your blog, I've been a fan. Please keep writing.ReplyDelete
Lisa! You are one of my very first blogfriends! Ohh, the days of your Politits blog! You keep writing, too, lady. You're amazing.Delete
Big milestone, Lisa! A majority of bloggers don't last as long as we have. I'm glad you're still writing, even though our topics have inevitably evolved.ReplyDelete
Zandria, you started before me, and you're still going. You get the prize! I'm glad you're still writing as well.Delete
Congratulations on the major milestone Lisa. Your writing is phenomenal: hilarious, brave, honest, sharp-witted...ReplyDelete
Many thanks for taking us along on your journey. Please keep writing. For a moment there, I was worried that you would say that this was your final post!
And yes, we are ready for a book whenever you are :-)
PS: I've been a long time faithful reader of your blog; however, this is my first time commenting. Evidently, it takes a decade to jolt this champion procrastinator.
Esteri, thank you for your very kind words! And thank you for sticking with me for so long! I myself am a champion procrastinator (the book, oh, the book) so please know I totally feel where you are coming from. :)Delete
A belated Happy Blog-iversary!ReplyDelete
For a moment it felt like you were about to say goodbye!!!!! And my heart went all "NOOOOOOO......". You are an incredible writer and a lovely person to know. Love you Lisa.ReplyDelete
For a moment it felt like you were about to say goodbye!! My heart went,"NOOOOOOO.....". YOU are an incredible writer and a lovely person to come across. What seems mundane to you, is what makes my day at times. Love you Lisa! Good going.ReplyDelete
You are so very kind! I didn't mean to worry anyone. :) I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. Big hugs!Delete
Always admired how you've kept going when so many of us from the early days tailed off. You've given us many memorable moments - "What else are you going to do? Shit on my rug?", the belly pics, Tabard Inn tales, anything dealing with India (your daughter, not the country) and stories of your dad - I'm glad when I see there's a new post. And a little bit ashamed I haven't written anything in years.ReplyDelete
Thanks so much, FoggyDew. Sometimes I feel silly, like, why am I still doing this when everyone else has moved on? But I like it.Delete
And oh my god, I had forgotten about the "shit on my rug" and the Comcast rants! Thank you so much for the kind words and the reminders!