Crazy middle aged lady achievement unlocked

Oh my gosh. I just realized that I left you with constipation a long time ago and continued on my merry way.

I mean, merry if uncomfortably so.

That shit got resolved. No pun.

Also, I recently learned from a school mom friend that her brother passed away earlier this year. This year. This relentless, relentlessly terrible year. She said he used to say, "fuck that shit" and they shortened it to FTS. 

Her daughter made her an FTS bracelet.

I like this very much. 

FTS.

I don't know if you remember when people started using FTW, which stood for For The Win. Except that I thought it meant Fuck The World.

Which seemed quite extreme. And most of the time made no sense. Even after I looked it up, I would forget.

So I might read, "Homemade brownies FTW!" And be very confused.

I don't know if people use FTW anymore, which is a shame now that I know what it means. Although I guess it doesn't really matter, because I rarely use texting shorthand anyway.

The other night I asked Jordan if he used the word "rizz" as I'd recently learned that it was the Oxford word of 2023.

I said, "Do you say rizz?"

And he was like, "Absolutely not."

"Why not? When you totally have rizz?"

"Because it's stupid."

He hates conversations like this.

I was standing on a ladder trying to organize our cupboards at the time. 

We had two whole cupboards with glass doors devoted to vitamins and rubbing alcohol and Wanda's monthly meds and lord only knew what else.

Actually, I now know what else. A lot of expired kid cough syrup. Every pair of prescription glasses the kids have every had. Costco sized ibuprofen, Tylenol, and allergy meds. My mom's medications. A million bandaids.

Also, dropper bottles for use after swimming that I labeled "rubbing alcohol for ears" but which Nick added a B to, so they now say "rubbing alcohol for bears".

Anyway, I have been trying to figure out where to put all of these medicaments and such because it is space we need for actual kitchen things. And also, Wendy walked into our kitchen a couple weeks ago and was like WHAT THE FUCK with all the medication?

Medication FTW!

And I was like, she's right! Why do we have 54 gallons of hand sanitizer? And then I realized it's because we also have Covid rapid tests. That era still kind of dominates our cupboard.

So there I am, on this ladder, and I'm like, "So, apparently Timothee Chalamet said he has no rizz."

Except that I don't really watch TV, and I've mainly seen his name written, because he's not someone I give much thought to. And while I love words, I'm bad at celebrity names. Like, I used to confuse Kelsey Grammar and Gelsey Kirkland.

So I pronounced it Tee-mo-tay Shalamamalamalay  because I couldn't remember if he said his first name like Americans do, or how many syllables were in his last name.

And Jordan was like, "FIRST of all, it's Tim-o-thy Shall-a-may. And second of all, I don't use rizz because it's stupid."

And I was, all, "But he has the accent mark!" 

Then I turned off the overhead lights.

And then he was like, WHY are you doing that?

Because I'd found eye drops in the cupboard, which reminded me that I have dry eyes, and while I was thinking about it, I should put some drops in immediately. So I turned off the overhead lights so I wouldn't be starting directly into them at close range from the top of the ladder.

I said, "It'll just be for a second. I don't want to stare into the lights."

And he was all, "I don't care about the lights. It just seems like putting in eye drops at the top of the ladder is a very bad idea."

He had a point. As I had to lean back to drip the drops.

I told him that he was exactly right, and this was one of those ADHD no impulse control moments.

Nick doesn't know this—although I guess he didn't but does now—and behaviors like this are exactly the reason he believes he's a more competent human being. I know he thinks this. I don't even think he'll deny it.

Fortunately, I managed to drip in the drops without falling off the ladder. I climbed down, and turned the lights back on.

No rizz.

Namaste, Chalamalamalay!

FTW.