Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Guns, Wal-Mart, and the Brunette Conspiracy

For Halloween, my two closest friends and I were Charlie's Angels. We had fabulously horrible 70's outfits, hair, makeup. When we struck the famous Angels pose, however, we were using flashlights.

Why not just go to Wal-Mart?
Why, you might ask, would people who went to the effort of buying hideous double-knit polyester outfits, donning wigs, and applying 8 pounds of blue eyeshadow, not go to the effort of getting toy guns? Let me tell you. I spent two hours in horrible traffic on Route 7 last Saturday trying to find a Toys R Us. And then I did and it turns out they don't sell toy guns, or anything that looks like an actual gun. Toy stores just don't anymore. In principle, I agree with this. But for our evening, very inconvenient.

Someone suggested that we could've just gone down the street to Wal-Mart. After some brief background check we could've walked out with real guns. I was, after all, in Virginia, home of the NRA. We opted for flashlights. They worked for the Charlie's Angels pose, and we figured if we got mugged on the way home, well, all the better to not have anyone think you have a gun. Since a couple of our friends have gotten mugged in our neighborhood this year, we do think in these terms. But this is off topic. Unlike, of course, what I'm about to write next.

The Brunette Conspiracy
So I spent the evening in this hot, itchy, feathered blonde wig. Surprisingly, I got a variety of compliments. I'm not sure what that was about. I felt like a tacky bimbo. I was talking to a couple women who are also blonde, although of course by our age it means blonde via a multitude of chemicals. One had no costume, and her normal blonde hair was on display. I, of course, was in the Farrah wig, and the third was JonBenet Ramsey, with her multitude of blonde curls. But blonde underneath, as well. One of them had just read an article stating that apparently blondes get X amount more attention on dating websites, and this mirrors the extra attention in real life.

I told them that one of my very dear guy friends said that he categorically does not date blondes. The reason? "Wellll, you know. Blondes don't have to work as hard. They don't have to be as sharp."

"Shut up. You know I'm blonde, right? And we're good friends, and you think I'm bright, interesting, funny, etc. Right?"

"Yes, but you're not really blonde. I think of you as a brunette."

"I'm blonde. Um, and your sister's blonde, as I recall."

"Ah, her hair's been many different colors. She's not naturally blonde."

We went around and around and finally dropped the conversation but it really made me mad. It's one thing to not be attracted to blondes - they're just not your type. This I understand. I'm almost never attracted to blond men. But he's just too smart to perpetuate this bullshit stereotype.

Anyway, JonBenet said that she thinks there's a "brunette conspiracy." Yes, she believes that the brunettes of the world, who far outnumber the blondes, propagate these negative blonde stereotypes. This makes men respect us less, and be more inclined to choose brunettes for real relationships. I can't remember if she extended it into the work arena, or if it was particular to relationships. I'll have to ask.

I don't know if being blonde gets you more attention, since I've never not been. There is definitely a negative aspect to it, though, particularly in DC. Brunette conspiracy, while hilarious, I cannot buy. She sure was a pretty little blonde thing, though.

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