Today I feel very Alice.
I didn't write yesterday, which is unusual for me. The fact is that at the moment I don't know what I'm doing here.
This is the first time that I've really sat down and wondered. Because it's been all, ooh, the funniest thing happened, and I want to write it down! Or I'm fret fret fretting and I want to get it out. Or I just want a place to force myself to structure and improve the writing as warm up for writing a book.
But the fact is that I'm not writing elsewhere lately, except in my job. And I'm questioning what I'm doing with all these very personal details out in cyberspace - something I've not questioned before.
Some people start blogs to keep their friends updated. But really, most of my friends who read LG didn't know about it till months and months after I began. And it's not like I'm on a round-the-world journey. Nobody actually needs to be kept abreast of any breaking news. What am I doing here? What do I want from this?
I don't know anymore.
Except for random bits here and there, LG is always intensely personal. It's like my friend Maude, who is a painter, will often paint pictures of her own body parts. Not always flattering - sometimes a view of her tummy with creases, for example. But she says she always has access to her own self. Still life can get boring. People are what interest her. And she's right there, even when nobody else is.
And I suppose that's the case with me. People are what interest me, and I know my own self best. I'm what I'm trying to sort out, and LG has been a really, really good place for it.
But right now, today, I'm not sure what I'm doing here.