Monday, June 02, 2014

They come runnin' just as fast as they can 'Cause every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man.

If you see Nick during the week he will most likely be wearing a suit and tie, or maybe khakis and a blazer. He'll have on nice conservative shoes. Odds are he'll be wearing cufflinks.

On weekends, however, he often looks like he got dressed from the rag barrel. He keeps tee shirts until the holes get too big for decency. But for his webbed belt with some kind of logo, you'd never know he was preppy.

But really, he spends part of almost every weekend doing something on the house. He'd just ruin nice clothes if he wore them.

He can do wiring and plumbing and all kinds of power-tooly things. Last weekend he drilled boards into the cement walls of the garage and then screwed hooks into them to hang stuff.

I mention it, of course, because this kind of thing impresses the shit out of me. Even more than the caulk.

Anyway, when he leaves the house, he tends to wear the same thing he was wearing to fix stuff. He just doesn't give it any thought.

He has this one pair of shorts that were new when he used them to paint the house. He immediately got dark red paint splotches on the front.

So I started referring to them as his period shorts.

Which I almost immediately regretted, because not long after that we went to a wedding where we knew nobody but the bride and groom. And we'd been seated at our table for approximately 13 minutes when Nick for some reason felt moved to talk about painting the house and how he has this pair of work shorts that Lisa refers to as his menstruation shorts.

And instead of looking at him, the interlocutor, everyone at the table immediately fixed their gaze on me.

All I could do was nod and say, "This is awkward."


He was out with the kids a couple weekends ago and India said she had to poop and she wasn't wearing a diaper, so he picked her up and grabbed Jordan's hand and rushed towards a  nearby fire station. (He said they always have clean bathrooms. Who knew?)

Anyway, Nick said that a couple of the firemen saw them hurrying to the station and came forward and said, "What's wrong? Who's hurt?"

"Hurt? We were just hoping to use your bathroom."

One of them pointed to his shorts. "Who's bleeding?"

Uh huh.


  1. Nick sounds like a charming and witty raconteur. You should massage his feet when he sits down at night, even if he has been wearing flip-flops or running shoes without socks all day.

    1. He is! And I would totally do that if he'd let me warm up my ice-cold feet in that warm area behind his balls.


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