Tuesday, November 17, 2015

I need this reminder, boy howdy do I, and maybe some of you might as well

If you've been with me for a while, you've seen this before. If not, and you have have crazy in your life, these are very useful.

(If you do not, congratulations and file these away just in case.)

Also: If you don't know me, you should know that I use crazy liberally and not necessarily pejoratively, and I apply the term to myself as well. But I make a strong distinction between those of us who know we have problems and seek help for them, and the crazies who walk around believing they're fine, even superior, and wreaking havoc.

Below are my dear friend Mark Bennett's rules. Clicking the title below will take you to his post.

10 Practical Rules for Dealing with the Borderline Personality

I get to deal with a whole lot of crazy at work. The following rules are applicable to lots of flavors of crazy, but I've had a heavy dose of borderline personalities lately. So here are my ten rules for dealing with borderline personalities and other crazy people:
  1. If you don't have to deal with a crazy person, don't.
  2. You can't outsmart crazy. You also can't fix crazy. (You could outcrazy it, but that makes you crazy too.)
  3. When you get in a contest of wills with a crazy person, you've already lost.
  4. The crazy person doesn't have as much to lose as you.
  5. Your desired outcome is to get away from the crazy person.
  6. You have no idea what the crazy person's desired outcome is.
  7. The crazy person sees anything you have done as justification for what she's about to do.
  8. Anything nice you do for the crazy person, she will use as ammunition later.
  9. The crazy person sees any outcome as vindication.
  10. When you start caring what the crazy person thinks, you're joining her in her craziness.


  1. I'm a little bothered by him only using the feminine pronouns. :/

    1. phew. i'm glad i'm not the only one that notices such things !

    2. Jen and mysterious-malady, I get why you are bothered, and I don't think I have many friends who do not notice these things! I've had extensive conversations on how to deal with gender neutrality. I have decided I like to use "they" even though I know that it really bugs some of my friends.

      Yesterday I read through comments on Mark's post (as it's an old one that I hadn't looked at in years). He said the following in response to someone asking about the pronouns: I try to use “he” sometimes and “she” sometimes. Defendants are always “he” and lawyers almost always “she.” Here, though, don’t blame me for making the crazy person female. Blame genetics."

      His last two sentences make me assume that a specific female person prompted his post. As someone specific prompted my re-post, the pronoun works for me currently.

  2. (I've been reading you for a long time but seldom comment.

    I work in a professional environment where the preferred pronoun while talking in generalities is always male. I was surprised to see the use of the gender specific pronoun in rules 8,9 and 10.)

    I wrote all of the above and clicked on the link. I see that this has been discussed in the comments there. I should ideally delete all this and skulk away and yet I'm not. I think I might be one of the crazy people !

    Hi from India !

    1. Also, hi to you in India! I obviously don't actually know you, but I tend to think that if you were one of the crazy people, you'd take exception to content rather than pronoun. You might just tell me I'm wrong. Or say something like you're going to stop reading my blog if I keep posting crap like this. :)

  3. Sound wisdom, especially during these trying times. Thanks.

    1. Thank you. Mark's a smart, analytical guy.

  4. Lisa, I had a friend of 33 years derail my life because I did not know she had BPD. Friends of that duration know our deepest darkest secrets. No one has hurt me so much and left me so sad and broken. Had I known earlier in our friendship that her behavior (jealousy,rash actions, was a sign of BPD I would have figured out how to extract myself in the beginning. IMO the most terrifying of all mental illnesses.

    1. I'm very sorry, Lynn. Friends, close friends, can do terrible damage. Had she been diagnosed at that point, or was the diagnosis later? I know it is a really tough diagnosis.

      As you know, I use crazy liberally, and I apply it to myself as well. But I make a strong distinction between those of us who know we have problems and seek help for them, and the crazies who walk around believing they're fine, even superior, and wreaking havoc. In fact, I should edit the post to say that, in case anyone reads it and takes offense.

      One of my fellow This Is My Brave performers was diagnosed with BPD, and she said when she was first diagnosed and read about it she was really upset by the description. I don't know her well at all, but like others from the show, she's very candid, and has worked hard to be self-aware and to deal with her mental illness.


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