Friday, January 25, 2019

The difference between us

Nick will meet people and have a long conversation and then when I ask things like where they grew up or what kind of movies they like or what their hopes, dreams, or fears might be, he has no idea.

And then I am all, "SO WHAT DID YOU TALK ABOUT?"

Also, we have this mouse problem. Or rather, as I mentioned before, a mice problem.

I know this because multiple people have told me so and also because Nick did kill one mouse, practically with his bare hands, and I am not even kidding, and we thought the problem was resolved.

But it was not.

And Nick was unconcerned, because, as he said, it's very cold outside and they are coming in to get warm.

This may well be the case, and we love God's creatures great and small. But not all God's creatures great and small are pooping on our counter in our pans.


We had a period of no mouse, and then the other night I saw a mouse dart by, and then in the morning I saw a poop in a pan and I said it was time to get an exterminator.

Clearly our traps and poison aren't working. We have been Clorox wiping the stove and vacuuming up crumbs, but the fuckers persist.

So I said enough is enough, we need to get serious. And Nick said, "Let's call Joel."

We have this fabulous person named Joel the Bug Man who is hilarious and delightful and also great at getting rid of bus.

Also, at one point we had a very difficult tenant who we didn't yet know would be extremely problematic, and when Joel came up from treating her apartment he said, "That woman is insane."

He turned out to be right. So I have a lot of faith in Joel. But, I wondered, did he do mice?

Nick made fun of me for this and really kind of made me angry in the process, and then he called with great dramatic flourishes and left a message about the mice.

And I was all, "One, you're being an asshole and two I bet he will be like MICE ARE NOT BUGS and not even call you back."

So a day later Nick called to say Joel was coming over. To deal with the mice.

I said, "Awesome! What did he say?"

"What did he say?"

"Yeah. Like was he all, 'Don't worry, I'll get those disgusting little bastards!' Or, 'I've got mad mice ninja skills!'--something like that? What did he tell you?"

"Uh, he said, 'Do you need me to come today?' and I said, 'That would be great.' And he asked when it started, and I told him relatively recently."

"That was it?"

"That was it. He said nothing about mad mice ninja skills."

I seriously hope he has mad mice ninja skills.

1 comment:

Tell me about it.