Thursday, February 14, 2019
And Nick said, "I couldn't imagine being without you."
I said, "I couldn't either." And then I added, "Well, sometimes I do. But only when I'm really mad at you, and it doesn't last very long."
I don't exactly know how I used to think of love, but probably along the lines of romance, willingness to do things for others, and obligation.
And I used to invest in romantic partners, but only so far, because too far was dangerous.
The truth is, it took me a long time to settle into love with Nick. I mean, we met, got engaged, and married in under a year. I luckily got pregnant a couple months after our wedding, so we had a baby before we celebrated our first anniversary.
My love for Jordan was unabashed and unreserved well before I trusted Nick enough to evolve to that point.
For a long time—years—every time we had a big fight, I feared it might be the end.
Now I trust and believe it's unconditional.
Sometimes one of us is super crabby and behaves badly. Maybe I'm not as tidy as Nick might prefer. Maybe he doesn't come home from work when he says he will.
These things might be enraging, might trigger a fight, but not a withdrawal of love.
It took me a number of years to understand that.
Sometimes when I read something terrible that humans are doing, I say some version of, "Ugh. I hate people."
And my children correct me. "Mama. You love SO MANY people."
The last time I said this India listed the friends I made last year alone.
It is true. I love people. I make new friends all the time.
Friending, for me, is a lot like dating was.
We connect immediately, and there is a spark, and we are friends. Or it is polite and a little awkward and effortful, and I know we will not really be friends. We can be friendly, of course, but not deep and intense friends.
(I am, it has been confirmed repeatedly, rather intense.)
So today, on this Valentine's Day that people either love or hate, and frankly, I don't feel strongly about either way, I am here to tell you that I love you and I hope you have a spectacular day.