Friday, May 03, 2019

Practical footwear (it's always about the shoes)

Workers of America, Unite!
Oh, hey! It turns out I'm the proud owner of not one, but two neuromas (or neuromata--I looked it up) in my left foot. One is small and one is large.

Because I tend to take a "more is better" approach to life, though I do work regularly on moderation, then why have one when you can have two?

What is a neuroma, you might ask? It's a thickening of tissue around the nerves that lead to the toes. To these nerves get squozen and bugged and then the sensation can vary from mild electric shock in your toe to all out wanting to fall on the floor and scream. Which I do not do, I'll have you know.

My friend Jessica suggested that I have issue this because too many people get on my nerves.

I think this is kind of a perfect explanation.

I saw my podiatrist last week, and since three weeks in the boot had not fixed it, he suggested more boot time and an ultrasound. He said he thought it was a neuroma, which the scan confirmed.

Because I am not a doctor and do not play one on TV, I went immediately to Google to read as much as I could. I really enjoyed Googling myself into utter hysteria during pregnancy, so I figured, why not?

This is, however, an inconvenience and not a hysteria-provoking situation.

One of the things I learned about my friend the neuroma is that they happen to women more than to men. You're more likely to get one if you have high arches, a longer second toe, and wear heels and restrictive shoes.

High impact sports can traumatize the area. While I do lift weights, my favorite ways to work out involve jumping around like a lunatic. True fact.

Basically I'm attributing my neuromas to the patriarchy, genetics, and some unfortunate personal choices.

And in fact, I am pretty sure I have one (or more!) in my right foot, because I have similar symptoms, just not as dire, which is to say a toe that tingles or gets sore, and a spot on my foot that gets sore when I press it or wear squeezy shoes.

Which I am no longer doing. Which leads me to comfort footwear.

So, most comfort shoes are not comfortable on me because they're built for wider feet than mine. So then my feet slosh around and rub and the shoes are the opposite of comfortable.

If there's a blister to be had for miles around, I will have it.

So last weekend I took myself to DSW in search of comfortable footwear. Because I've gotten rid of my old sneakers--too old, not supportive enough, mostly too old, yikes! And I am down to wearing Keens every day and while I do love them, they are heavy.

And sometimes, as above, I think I look very Workers of America, Unite!

Also, now that it is getting hot, I am not sure what to do, because they are not adorable with dresses or capris.

Anyway, I went to DSW, and I saw these knitted sneakers that I thought looked cute and were insanely comfortable.

But are they weird or cute or weird cute?

(You know if they'd been fuchsia or orange I wouldn't have even stopped to ask that question.)

When I am on the fence I often turn to Facebook, because friends have stopped me from doing things like wearing elephant leg boots.

But in this case, there was this adorable young couple shoe shopping in the same aisle. The boyfriend was helping the girlfriend find sizes and giving his opinion and such.

They had opinions, both of them. Plus they seemed nice. So I asked if I could get their opinions on whether these sneakers were weird or cute.

They both paused.

So then I was all, "I've been having foot problems. And so I'm trying to find comfortable shoes that don't bug my feet."

I had on a kind of unfortunate outfit, with workout leggings for no actual good reason as apparently I am now someone who wears active wear when I'm not even particular active.

And the guy said, "Well, those are knock-offs of $700 Balenciaga sneakers."

I was all, "I'm not remotely concerned about that. I'm not in a $700 sneaker-wearing crowd. I'll be wearing these to pick up my kids from school. I think they'd look better with jeans."

And the young woman looked mildly horrified and was like, "Ooh, not with jeans. Maybe you'd like to look at the Doctor Scholls? I saw some cute ones over here." And she very sweetly showed me some comfortable-looking shoes.

But you know how sometimes you can't decide, so you toss a coin, but when it's in the air you know what you want?

I definitely wanted the superhero boots. I skulked up to the register, hoping I wouldn't run into the couple.

Why would I even care? I don't know.

Actually, I love them. They're very lightweight. They give my toes room.

I can't wear them with dresses or capris, so I haven't solved the hot weather foot issue.

But I can wear them with jeans. Considering also wearing them with black leotard leggings and a cape kind of getup.

Maybe I'll write Super Mom on them.

In rhinestones!

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