Tuesday, June 18, 2019

I mean, it's only hair but each follicle represents some large percentage of my self esteem

I think I'm going to cut all my hair off today. But I'm a littel terrified.

Today is a better hair day than many. It looks shiny and is staying flat. I've had a lot of weird poof curl hair days with this cut and the humidity.

So now that it's a good day I'm having second thoughts. But then tomorrow I could hate it all over again.

I used to chop my hair relentlessly when I was in a bad place. It got shorter and shorter as my mental state deteriorated.

I don't think this is what's happening.

Although I did mention the hair cutting to my friend Tosha last week, and how I feel like it might just feel so good to get rid of all of it, and she said, "Do it!" And then she leaned close and said, "You're going through something, huh?"

I guess? Maybe? I didn't think so?

Because I have to talk about all of these things endlessly with everyone, I mentioned it to Kris and Wendy. I also mentioned how my self-esteem is so wrapped up in my hair, and it's easier to have more hair than less.

Kris totally sympathized. Oh my god yes with the self-esteem. For Wendy, her hair is just her hair.

I should point out that she is always willing to listen endlessly about hair trials and tribulations. Hair just isn't one of her triggers.

So I got this asymmetrical haircut a couple months ago, but it's not doing the trick. I thought I could maybe have half short but still have the long side to tuck behind my ear.

I could have my cake and eat it too.

No. And as I said, the weird and random poofs that I can't seem to manage really get my goat.

But also, apparently, I might be going through something.

Plus, it could be super easy to travel with shortyshort hair. In fact, I'm considering using shampoo bars like Dr. Bronners, in my small attempt to reduce plastic.

How easy would it be to just travel with a bar? And not have to hair dryer dry your hair?

Or I might hate how I look and be very self conscious in a whole lot of unfamiliar situations.

I think I'm going through something.

I'll let you know.


  1. Have you been watching Good Omens? Because I feel like Wendy is Crowley and Kris is Aziraphale.

    You might be going through something. If hair fiddling helps, then do it. Also, short hair can still be styled with wax (in fun colors if you like!). I'd talk to a stylist about it, and see how often you'd need to go to keep it style-able but not NEED styling. And then meet up with me for coffee or drinks so I can tell you how fabulous you look.

    1. I haven't seen it but most enjoyed the book!

      I think I am going through something. I think I need color of some sort. It's my natural color right now and I am freaking out a bit. She has color appointments next week, should it come to that. I'm gonna put on some of India's blue hair gel and see how that feels.

      I leave Friday for Boston or I'd ask for a Jessica moral support coffee this weekend. Hugs.

  2. i agree with this Jess ^ on all points.
    i have a vaguely similar ‘do to yours currently and crave the shorter but am super apprehensive having never ever had short hair, so i shall live vicariously as i often do when it comes to you 😘

    1. Thank you! It FEELS amazing. I am getting used to it.

  3. One of my favorite scenes from Fleabag season 2 (and there are many) is when Claire chops off all her hair. “Hair is everything. We wish it wasn’t so we could actually think about something else occasionally. But it is. It’s the difference between a good day and a bad day. We’re meant to think that it’s a symbol of power, that it’s a symbol of fertility. Some people are exploited for it and it pays your fucking bills. Hair is everything.”

    1. https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=2245146479147387

  4. I bet you'll get used to it quickly! Looking forward to seeing the new do!

    And, omg -- back when I used to have shorter hair and get a haircut more than once or twice a year, it would happen every time: I'd get fed up and make an appointment, and then all the days leading up to the appt would be GREAT hair days. How does it know to do that?!


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