There's been a lot of vagina-related stuff in my life lately.
I mean, as a topic.
You see, I got this very comfy pair of workout pants at the Gap outlet last weekend, and then I wore them to the gym. And they just looked a little, I don't know, a little poochy-outy right between my legs.
Not in an erection skirt kind of way. No. Not poking forward.
Poking down. Just a little. Kind of camel toe-y, if I may be candid. And vulgar.
At first I was kind of horrified, but then I thought, well, there aren't very many people here. And anyway, if someone notices, they're certainly not going to say anything. Because really, how often do I peer at some random person's crotch? Never.
Which is not to imply that if I know you I peer at your crotch because I don't.
As far as I know, nobody noticed my prosthetic camel toe.
And then a day or so later I wore a short - but I didn't think too-short - dress with tights and knee-high boots, and then I got to work and got a little twitchy, so I had to ask a couple of my Quad-mates if they thought it was too short.
They didn't. And they would tell me.
Because one of them said that she has gotten very aware of too-short dresses, as she pretty much sees women with their vaginas waving in the breeze on her morning commute.
She said that very morning, on the metro escalator, she'd tapped a woman on the shoulder to tell her that her dress was so short that her vajayjay was practically showing. (Swear to god - she said this.) And then she told her that men in the metro take pictures while pretending to be on their phones.
And then yesterday, in staff meeting - the very meeting where for a period of time we regularly discussed the dread caulk issue - one of our colleagues had brought in cupcakes for Michele's birthday. We were discussing cake, decoration, avoidance of birthdays after a certain age, etc, and one of my other colleagues said...
Well, wait. What I thought he said was, "No camel toe!"
What he actually said was, "No candles!"
But when I heard him say, "No camel toe!" I whipped my head towards him and kind of choked and asked what he'd said.
And then when he repeated, and then asked what I thought he'd said, I blushed and said, "Tell you later." And then the meeting began, so the topic was dropped for the moment.
I don't know about where you work, but while we can talk the caulk to death, there's just no way to say camel toe in a staff meeting.