Thursday, March 10, 2011

In case you didn't know, it's all about the poop

Did I tell you we've been looking to adopt a rescue dog?

I don't think I've mentioned it.

Yes. So last Saturday we hauled our butts down past Richmond to meet a Mastiff/Bulldog mix. The one pictured here. He's 70 lbs at approximately 9 months old. We adored him.

Sadly, it doesn't look like he's going to be our dog, because there are a couple people who put in applications ahead of us and seem like good fits. I've asked them to consider us if somehow those people don't work out.

We need a dog who wants to be walked around the block and then wants to lay around and be petted and prodded and loved on by an 18-month old.

Mastiffs fit the bill perfectly. Now, Mastiffs are Nick-sized dogs - which is why he wants one. They're more like small ponies. But sweet, gentle, and lazy. So we figure a Mastiff mixed with a smaller dog could be perfect.

I told my beautiful, elegant friend Michele about Mastiff Quest 2011, and she got the kind of look on her face that you get when you smell something terrible. She waved her arms in front of her, all nonononono!

She said, essentially, "What is wrong with you? Why are you adding more poop to your life?"

"More poop?"

If you didn't know her, you wouldn't think Michele would talk about poop. She's too pretty and too well put together. But she can talk poop with the best of us, and has a mouth like a sailor.

So. She went on:

"Why would you do this? Do you know how big his poops are going to be? You already have a baby whose poop you clean. You maybe even occasionally wipe your husband's poop off the toilet seat. And now! Now you want to add an enormous dog with enormous poop! Poop that will be your responsibility!"

She gesticulated wildly. She got a little shrill.

"I didn't think about it that way."

(When you add it all up, it is a LOT of poop...)

"Lisa. Think about the poop! It's all about the poop."

We're scheduled to meet another enormous pooper this coming Saturday.


  1. Think about adopting a retired greyhoud! They have a lot of the same characteristics you're looking for, AND they're already crate-trained.

  2. The problem is they're too thin for Nick. I grew up with small dogs, but Nick wants big and sturdy.

  3. Yes, but on the flip side--when else in your life will you be quite so OK with poop? (at least that's what we told ourselves when we adopted a dog this weekend. Lab/border collie mix, so maybe not QUITE the big poops you have planned though).

  4. Like Nick, I adore big dogs. But it's a lot of poop. Though if anyone is good with poop, it would be you. ;)

  5. I am all about big dogs.... have 2 german shepherds myself, and if my second choices would be Rottweilers and Mastiffs. Have you gone to WARL? (Washington Animal Rescue League)? It is here in DC and they had a fantastic Italian Mastiff mix called Blue not too long ago... I almost took him home with me.

  6. PS: good luck with the pooper on Saturday!! There is nothing better than this enormous poopers in your life.

  7. So excited for a doggie to join your family! Good luck, keep us posted!

    I agree, poop in general is bad, like in the alley next to one's home. I'd say with pups and maybe even kids it is all about the poop ratio. Poop amount relative to joy, happiness and laughter brought into one's life. Husbands are lovely but should clean up their own poop.

  8. I see Miss Dallas beat me to the punch on the Greyhound front. Well, some of them can be HUGE! A hundred pounds (or more) lazy pooping machines.

    Sorry this guy didn't work out, but keep looking, your buddy is out there somewhere.

  9. Great Danes are also great for a quick walk around the block and then lazing about all day. But the poops. Oh the poops.

    My rule is that I will not pick up poops that are bigger than mine are.

  10. I was totally going to suggest a great dane, but Hillary beat me to it. My sister had 2, and I loved loved loved those dogs. Lazy as all get out, but so sweet. The drool though...oh the drool! Mastiffs drool too.

  11. i'm a little traumatized by your friend saying that you may occasionally clean up your husband's poop OFF THE TOILET SEAT? on the inside of the toilet, sometimes there are streaks, yes ok i've cleaned that, but if my fiancé ever pooped on the toilet seat... um. i would not be cleaning that or moving forward with our intended marriage.

  12. @carly.... HA! Agreed! As for the Mastiff, my girlfriend and her husband have one, and he eats everything. Scrabble tiles, a whole tub of butter, loaf of bread...etc. Great dog, totally loveable...but don't leave ANYTHING out.

  13. Have you heard of FOHA - Friends of Homeless Animals? That's where we got Gus Gus. I haven't looked to see if they have any Mastiff mixes, but you never know. I'll tell the boys to get excited about a new friend.
    ps I'm sorry you aren't pregnant this go round, but really glad it wasn't an ectopic emergency. Next time call me, I'd love to join you for a glass of wine :)


  15. The third one down is a well-loved Saint Bernard. Big AND sweet.

  16. Go for it! Get a big dog, they are just sweet as can be. My neighbors had two mastiffs, and another neighbor has a Dane. All three have wonderful temperaments, but look impressive. And make Nick clean the poo, or hire some random neighborhood teenager to do it?

  17. It is a lot of poop! But looking back on the wonderful big dogs I have had in my life (all labs) the amount of poop they had is gone from my memory and only their beautiful qualities remain. Poop is poop...shitty, smelly, big or small, its all the same...shitty. It's the amount that goes IN that add$ up. I have found that big or small, you get the same amount of love from whatever size dog you get. Good luck in the hunt! Can't wait to see Big J with a dog!

  18. Ginger - You are SO right. I'm more OK with poop now than at any other time in my life.

    Wendy - I kind of want to print a T-shirt that says "Good with the poop." and just leave people to figure out.

    Titania - We haven't looked there, although my friend Kaysha said they visit regularly and it's a great place. We really just started this quest last week, with last weekend being our first dog visit. We should look! Thank you!

    HK - Hahaha! I love your poop-to-joy ratio! And yes, husbands are lovely, but totally responsible for their own poop.

    Maiden Metallurgist - I had NO idea! I thought they were such delicate dogs!

    And I believe that our dog will come along. He'll be meant to be ours, and we'll meet him.

    Hillary - Great Danes are beautiful!

    And I think that's a totally reasonable rule.

    Tia - We are trying to find a dog that is less jowly and drooly than your average mastiff. The guy we met last Saturday didn't drool. He made a mess when he drank, but he didn't walk around drooling. The drool icks me very badly.

    carly - She'd had a bit to drink at the time and I think was trying to create the worst scenario possible. I'm sure we're all fine.

    Shelly - Noooo! He'll eat all of J's toys! And our shoes?? We constantly have kid detritus strewn about. We can't have a dog that eats everything - there's just too much everything, all the time.

    Stacey - No, we hadn't. I'm pulling up their website now. And I will do that, for sure. Thank you!

    freckledk - Oh, you are so sweet! Our parameters are kind of narrow, in that they have to be house trained already - no way around it, and have to be good with kids, and good on a leash and don't need a yard, and have short hair, and blah blah blah.

    I know we sound picky, but we're very candid about what we can and can't handle, and I believe we will meet a dog who needs what we have to offer and whose temperament will work with our's just likely to take time.

    Susan H - Sweet is one of the most important qualities for us. As for the poo, Nick will handle morning walks and last thing at night, so there will be some poo duty distribution.

    Lynn - Yah - I've picked up a lot of poop - albeit from small dogs - and as you said, those aren't the memories that remain. I am certain that the input is sizeable and an expense. But we will love whoever we wind up with.

  19. Oh - that's a shame that big boy probably won't be yours, but someday your pooping prince will come.


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