Wednesday, March 09, 2011

The best case scenario in the worst case

My numbers went down. Way down.

Seriously, this is a relief, because I've been making myself crazy worrying about a tubal pregnancy and all of the difficulty and trauma that entails.

I've researched ectopic pregnancy up and down on the Internet and made myself kind of hysterical. I've been certain I felt these little stabbing pains on one side. I could just picture that egg lodged in my tube, requiring lots more monitoring and further reducing my chances.

I kept picturing losing a tube. Which would be painful and terrifying.

But this way, we just wait for it to resolve itself.

Fuck. But seriously, best case scenario on the Oh, Fuck spectrum.

And speaking of. The nurse, the beautiful Nordic that one I love, said, "Dr. X and I conferred, and we think your fertility prognosis is great. And that once you get your period, you should get right back up on the horse."

Which made me want to crack a joke about it being more of a stud situation, really, and that getting up on the horse had had nothing to do with it.

And then in my mind I considered comparing Nick to a stallion...and made myself giggle. In my mind. It was one of those flutter in your chest kind of almost giggles.

I was so glad we were on the phone and not in person.

But I said nothing out loud, because I just don't know her well enough. I don't want her to think I'm creepy.

You all, on the other hand...I mean, not that I want you to think I'm creepy.

OK, I'm done flogging that horse.


Aaaand now I'm off to have a huge glass of wine. Or five.

I'm not horsing around.



  1. I'm so glad it's not etopic, and that your doctors are so positive. It's still a crappy situation, but hooray for finding the silver lining, and for not losing your sense of humor! Enjoy your wine. You've earned it.

  2. Thanks, Luna. And thanks for all your positivity through this. Hugs to you!

  3. giddy up.
    also, glad you can find a sense of humor now. i'm sure it will help your recovery and your efforts down the line.

  4. Neigh! Neigh!

    And so relieved for you!

  5. excellent. carry on!!

  6. I hate to be that asshole who shares the story of her best friend's second cousin's daughter who had fertility struggles and then ended up with 20 babies but today, I am going to be that asshole. My siblings and I are all miracle* babies (not the medical community, but to my parents.) All four of us were born after my mom had a tubal pregnancy that resulted in her losing a tube. She then lost a bunch of babies until it was discovered that she had an incompetent cervix (seriously - worst name ever.) She ended up with four kids, the last of whom was born when she was 39 (back before there were things like fertility drugs and whatnot.) So yes, today I am that asshole, if only to tell you that it does happen. Sometimes things do work out the way you want them to. It just takes a little pain and a lot of wine to get there.
    Big hugs, hunny bunny.

  7. Dana - Thanks. I'm going to say that my sense of humor is pretty much what has saved me through all the crap in life.

    Laura - Yah, it really really sucks, but I was so braced for the worst that this is a huge relief. Onward and upward! Into the saddle.

    Um, not really. I need a break from all this stress.

    LJ - Thanks, friend!

    Hillary - Thank you for being that asshole. I like this story. And yes, incompetent cervix is a terrible name. I always remember it as floppy cervix, which really isn't any better.

  8. You creepy? in a VERY CLASSY way :-)
    Now get back up on the horse so you can get back in the stirrups...

    ps Hillary, i love your story.

  9. I'm joining you in a gigantic glass of wine! Cheers! and also? "floppy cervix" equals best. terminology. ever.


    Soon enough, I'll have some on your behalf.

    Thinking of you regardless.

  11. Yes, you get right back on that horse! *giggle*

  12. Well, I'm the product of a father that had the big V 14 years prior, and an infertile mother! If my parents can have a baby, your time will come too! I love your sense of humor, and the next baby will be equally as lucky as J to have such awesome parents!

  13. The comments on this post are priceless encouragement. Maybe if you get drunk enough, you'll get knocked up too? It works for some of those girls on Teen Mom, right?

  14. Lynn - I love you. You really made me laugh with the stirrups.

    Coleen - Cheers! And the floppy cervix is a terrible image, isn't it?

    Jennie - Hugs to you and wine all around. And more.

    Miss Dallas - And this advice comes from TX! You people know your horses! :)

    Tia - Wow! Thank you for the encouragement! Hugs!

    Keenie Beanie - The commenters here are really funny people.

    Yes. Although technically I'm still knocked up. So one at a time. :)

  15. You deserve 5 glasses, at least.

  16. Ride on cowgirl... :-)

    I always knew in theory, but I've recently been forced to realize-in-fact that the medical world has so many "best case scenario on the Oh, Fuck spectrum." The emotional roller coaster is exhausting... so drink up and enjoy!

  17. Yeah! I am glad this is the news. Like vvk said, "Its an emotional roller coaster." You are going to need wine and probably chocolate and anything else that makes you feel good. Big hugs!
    Saddle up!

  18. I'm so sorry for your loss.

  19. Canaan - Turns out it didn't take that much. Big glass of wine, a fire, hanging out with Betty and then Nick when he came home.

    vvk - Yes, you are SO right - there's such a continuum on the Oh Fuck spectrum. Might wake up...but be brain dead. Might be mentally OK but always eat through a tube. It's kind of crazy to be in situations where the best or better case is still terrible, but in the moment, you'll grab for it.

    Angel JAM - I've got really amazing people around and lots of chocolate at my disposal. :) Big hugs to you, AJ!

    Sean - Thank you. It's absolutely not the way I wanted it to go, but I feel very lucky that it seems to be straightforward and fast.

  20. pour one for me baby!

    maybe we're just timing all this so we can have our babies on the same day again - wouldn't that be wonderful.

  21. Oh, Stacy. Will definitely pour one for you. Here's hoping!

  22. Lisa - I'm so relieved. I've been thinking of you and hoping news would come for you soon. Cheers! The stallion joke in your head was hilarious.

  23. What a relief. I'm so glad you're OK.


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