Wednesday, November 15, 2006

There's Always Foot Prostitution

My job is fine, perfectly fine. My official title means not much of anything to anyone in terms of being an accurate description of what I do.

What it really means is that I'm the person who can do some techie stuff but mostly I can play nice with people, and so I am in between our (often contentious) content providers and the technical people. I'm the also person who deals with our online training courses.

Any of our digital content.

I knew the job would be fairly dry when I took it, but there were a variety of good things about it, including the ability to walk to work, to have a very 9-5 workday, and to have time to do things I love. And I knew there would be the ability to nudge it in a more interesting direction.

I like my boss and my close colleagues. It's the dragons in other departments that occasionally make it miserable. But most days, it's fine.

This morning I had a meeting with several people, including one of the dragon ladies. And so, when I am left fuming about the malignancy of some of the people, I remind myself that there's always foot prostitution.

Foot prostitution would never, ever have occurred to me on my own.

My sister-in-law mentioned one day that she saw an old high school friend who lives in NY and is now a foot prostitute. Huh? Well, she started out as a foot model, and then she met some guy who likes feet, and he started buying her fabulous shoes. And now she does stuff for him, and he pays her $1,000 every time.

"But, but what? What? What does she do? For him?" I wanted to know.

She had no idea. All she knew was that her friend had wanted her to accompany her to meet the guy at some swank-o restaurant. He'd buy them lunch, and then take her shoe shopping, and then she'd, well, she'd do whatever it was that she did.

"Why didn't you ask what she does? How could you bear not to?"

"I didn't want to pry."

It seems to me that if someone tells you they're a foot prostitute, they're practically inviting questions and comments. If I ever meet the woman, I have soo many questions for her.

We figured that there might be a lot of toe licking, or fondling. Maybe even some foot/penis action? Neither of us have much imagination in the foot arena. But really, we decided, even if you had to stick your toe in someone's anus for an hour, it'd be worth it. A thousand dollars. If you did this once a week under the table (no pun intended) you'd make $52,000 a year. Which seems like a lot for what I imagine to be not a lot of work.

I've asked around, but nobody I know knows any foot prostitutes.

A guy I know, though, a completely flamboyant gay man, said he was once with a guy who liked feet. The man had my friend put his foot in his ass. And then the guy asked him to wiggle his toes!

This image I was unprepared for. Wiggle your toes inside someone's ass! It seems like the toe wiggling one ought to charge extra for.

I was recently on a date and as there was a lull in conversation, I brought up the foot prostitution. Yes, I did.

And people wonder why I'm still single.

But the guy thought it was hilarious. I asked how he thought one should go about it. And without hesitation he said, "First, you take a sexy picture of your feet. To post on craigslist."

The thought of a sexy picture of my feet makes me laugh. My toenails are Smurf blue, for goodness sake.

"Barefoot or in heels?"

"Oh, one foot barefoot on the floor. You have your legs crossed and the other foot you have a shoe dangling off of. Like this!" And he proceeded to pull out his chair, pull up his jeans to show his ankles, and demonstrate.

And then he looked around the restaurant sheepishly and said, "Whoa, all of that came out a little too easily, didn't it?"

He plays hockey, is remarkably fit, and has offered to be my foot pimp. He said he could use his hockey stick as a weapon in case anyone got out of line. He wants 60%, though. I told him this seems high, considering he's not going to be the one with the toe in someone's anus. We're in negotiations.

So there you have it. It's Wednesday, and well, there's always foot prostitution.


  1. How is it that I live a similiar work existence and never haver discussions of ass-two wiggling? I'm totally not paying enough attention to what goes on around me.

  2. I would definitely apply for that foot prostitute position if it came with health benefits.

  3. I'm sorry, but I can't help but think about athlete's foot and corns. Could this quaint practice be the origin of "footloose and fancy free"?

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  5. :)))
    You should write a book, you know.
    Wasting your talent on digital stuff....:(
    You know how much money "Sex and the city" made,and you, my friend, are much more original.


  6. This foot prostitution sounds like perfect fodder for "Savage Love." What would Dan say I wonder? Something snide but oh-so insightful.

  7. To be fair, you wouldn't even really have to change your job title... you would just be managing your digits in a some what different way, really.

  8. It always amazes me how few women know that many men find womens' feet highly erotic! There's dollars in them there toes!

  9. i would love to lick and sniff! YUM YUM, SNIFFY SNIFFY, STIFFY STIFFY!!

  10. you wouldnt make much, your feet are pretty ugly, dont ask me what sepparates a sexy foot from an ugly one, i just no, its the curse that comes with the unexplained obsession

  11. I am one of those strange men you speak of, I have loved womens feet as long as I can remember.
    I have paid a great deal of money over the years to satisfy my needs however more like $100 to $200 each time, in NYC there is a place where the ladies only cater to men with foot fetish and they do really well.
    So if you dont mind a guy kissing, licking and sucking your feet, its a safe sex way to earn some extra cash.

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  14. I dont like her feet either. Im a foot fetishist. I just know how to difference a good one from a bad one. If people pay you, then thats a different story.

  15. I like feet sorry

  16. I love to lick and smell the feet of hot women and i pay them to prostitute their feet for me for some really good money. The work is easy and the payoffs for the women are tremendous. I would love to lick and smell the feet of tall athletic women.

  17. Being a foot hooker would have to be one of the best jobs. I doubt many people would want anything gross like foot in ass, you could just say you don't do that. Most people are going to want to massage and kiss your feet. That would be totally sweet to get paid for that. You would need to wash your feet real good and keep them in good condition. You might need to pay for that, or buy cosmetics. I think as long as one of you keeps your pants on its legal. I would be suspicious about 1000 dollars. The more money that someone will offer the more strange it might be. If it were me, I would try being an online foot hooker. You can probably make money with a webcam.

  18. No, you couldnt make money with a webcam, because there are too many women who do that for free. I have a foot fetish and honestly, there are so many youtube videos of girls that Id never pay for even the hottest girl to show me her feet. And also, I dont know anyone whod want a toe in their ass, or anyone who would pay $1000 for a foot session. $100 is more realistic...any more than that just to suck on a girls toes? Hell no!

  19. It's TOE-tally awesome !!!


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