Thursday, April 29, 2010

And then when he's got a clean one on, that's when I chew his legs off into stumps

Our boy, our sweet, agreeable boy, has started throwing screaming crying fits the minute you put him on the changing table.

So you're carrying him, walking over to the table, and he's all, "Whee! Ha ha ha! Mamamamama babbaba. . .WAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAGGHGHHHHHHHHHHHH YOUUUUU SUUUUUCCCCKKK! BASTAAAAARRRDS! GAAAAAAH!


He acts like you are chewing his limbs off. Like you've got this grand plan to strap him to the table and chomp them off bit by bit.

And this is before you can even remove his diaper.

He flings himself to the left, and wraps his little arms around the bar on the side of the table. The bar designed to keep him from just rolling off.

He throws a leg over the bar as well. Or tries to. He has limited success with this, as the side he invariably chooses is the side that faces the wall.

But he clings for dear life, in any case.

It's like he's groping for freedom. Desperate.


And so on.

So you pry him off the side, and you manage to get his diaper off.

And then he flips himself over. And clutches at the front of the table.

Sometimes I just wipe him off like that, but it makes it very hard to get the Butt Paste on.

Because have you tried to stick your finger Oh, never mind.

Anyway, I have to flip him - more trauma - and then pin him in kind of a wrestling hold.

This incites rage.


And so, one hand pinning the kid, I do the best I can with the diaper. I pull on his pants once I've picked him up.

By which point he's all smiley and, "Oh, Mama! I'm so glad you came home! I love you sooo much! You're the best! Wanna read to me and then maybe we can have a little boob?"


  1. Does he crawl? If not, just wait until he does. When Jess was smaller, the minute the diaper came off, she'd flip over and take off. So here's me, chasing after a naked, poopy butted kid! I honestly had to sit on Jessica some days!

    It's just that they are SOOO busy. They have better things to do than get their diaper changed!

    Joy. Joy. Joy.

  2. I suspect this is the age where he's realizing just how NOT IN CHARGE he is, of anything.

    I also suspect you should make sure that nearby furniture is draped in plastic when feeding him anything from a non-boob source.

    This is why Auntie Dagny does not change diapers. :o)

  3. cla517 - Not crawling yet, but he really really wants to. He scoots backwards and swims forwards. He's close. All hell is going to break loose when that happens, I fear.

    And yes, he is so busy! Busy busy too busy to be interrupted during the business of busy!

    Dagny - I am sure you are right. He can finally get himself places and DO stuff and I interrupt it to wipe poo off his butt.

    I see no reason to change diapers if you are not the parent or voluntary or paid caregiver. I don't mind it at all anymore, but I'm not interested in changing anyone else's.

  4. It's like he's a 13-year old girl, all "Fuck you! I love you. Fuck you! I love you." It sounds exhausting.

  5. This cracks me up. The sheer amount of wrestling you do with a baby is enough to qualify you for the UFC. I'm sure of it.

  6. Can he stand yet? My best friend's baby was EXACTLY like this, so she started changing her standing up. It stopped the freak out immediately.

  7. Yeah, over here we call diaper changes the Lucha Libre. I'm still hoping it's just a phase that they go through...

  8. Does giving him something to play with while you are changing him help?

  9. i'm totally buying what you're selling!

    Byrdie is so nutso on the pad lately.

    standing up is exactly what i'm going to try tia - thank you.

  10. This reminds me of an article on your FB page awhile back. Made me laugh out loud. I'll share with the group.

  11. Fighting for his independence already. :)

  12. Isn't it amazing how they do that? Just turn it off and on? My bfs three year old told me she didn't like me and she was angry (I made her clean up or something) and then two minutes later she's screaming "I love you, Miss Grace!" and hugging my leg. Kids are so weird and fun.

  13. Hillary - Yes! That was me as a 13-y.o. girl, for sure.

    Kate - And he's STRONG! So much more than you'd expect from a baby.

    Tia - Not yet! But this is a great idea!

    Janelle - Lucha Libre! Hahaha!

    Maude - Only sometimes. Sometimes it gets flung towards the wall as he's grabbing the rail for dear life.

    stacy - Once he's standing, I'm going to try it.

    SarahLeigh - Oh, thanks for the reminder! I loved that!

    kayare - No kidding!

    Grace - It is amazing how they go to such extremes moment to moment. Yes, very weird and fun - perfect way to put it.


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