Friday, June 29, 2012

How not to get invited back

As you may know, DC is kind of extreme in terms of politics, and that pretty much everyone has a stance on every issue, or is expected to.

This is sometimes hard for me, and particularly lately, when I'm even more unplugged than usual. So if I've missed the Daily Show or Nick is gone for a period of time, like this past week, I have no idea what's going on in the world.

Sometimes I rely on Facebook to tell me what's new, like yesterday, when everyone I know was rejoicing about the Supreme Court ruling on the Affordable Care Act.

Just about all my friends are Democrats, and very into politics. And as I recall from our single days, none of them would date a Republican.

It was one of the screening criteria during the dating days. Republican? No way. I have friends who have never dated a Republican.

Whereas I dated a number of them. I mean like actual boyfriends, not just the cheese-hating not-date date.

It must be admitted that during the height (or perhaps abyss) of my online-dating frenzy, my therapist did suggest setting the bar fairly low. And sometimes I'm sure it seemed like professional circus freaks were really the only absolute nos.

Which is not to say I'm putting Republicans in the low-bar professional or even non-professional circus freak category. I'm just trying to explain myself. Basically, you can't be as attracted as I am to conservative-looking men without winding up with a Republican or seven.

But among my friends, I am in the minority.

So my dear dear friend Ann, the only friend I've kept in close contact with since college, came to visit this week with her lovely - and very non-Republican - daughter. They live in Richmond, not DC, but their family is just as focused on politics as my friends here.

We were talking about the upcoming election. And our hopes and fears. And how why aren't Democrats focusing on the Mormon thing with Romney in order to make the rabid Christian voting populace twitchy?

Ann said that she'd recently met a Mormon and she asked him about the special underwear. Her daughter said, "Can you believe it? She didn't even know him and she asked him about his underwear!"

Ann defended herself with, "He was wearing a tag identifying himself as Mormon. Don't you think that's inviting questioning?"

I do. Yes, I do.

And anyway, this is just who Ann is. In fact, she and my dad horrified family friends when they talked about underwear at the dinner table. There are huge reasons we're such good friends.

She told me that some years ago a friend in Richmond had invited her and her husband over for dinner. She'd gotten seated next to a guy who turned out to be a speech writer for Dick Cheney.

Ann expressed her horror and the guy said, "He's actually very nice."

To which Ann replied, "I'm sure Hitler's friends thought he was a good guy as well."


  1. Hahahaa I knew this was gonna be a good one when I saw the title pop up in my blog reader.

    Today I had to answer the door to two (female!) Jehovah's witnesses because when they knocked Jane was right there and she knocked back from the inside. Ha, kids.

    1. Spectacular! I love that she knocked back! There must be a way to turn this into a Knock-knock joke...

  2. I would have loved it if she'd said something like: "But, you know... at least Hitler wrote his own stuff."

  3. Your musing about the party affiliation - dating eligibility is pretty amusing... Reminds me of a friend of mine who's rabidly Republican (like he seriously has a crush on Ann Coulter) and the only way we could stay friends is if we avoid talking politics in person, and even then things have gotten a bit tense now and then. Anyway, he ended up marrying a girl that I really, really like--who is incredibly intelligent and a strong liberal feminist. They appear to have a very happy marriage. I don't understand how that works. One of life's mysteries, I guess.

  4. Oh, haha loved it!

    And Jessica really got me grinning too, with "At least Hitler wrote his own stuff." Fab, Jessica!

    Re: the JW's, I was busy in the next room when my 12 yr. son answered the door to two JW's. I was trying not to pee myself as he conversed. He was offering them a deal, that he'd listen to their spiel if they'd then listen to his. He'd been mastering the straight-face, and was doing a great job on these poor ladies, telling them how we were "Satanistas" and that Satan was in fact, a really great, but misunderstood guy.
    You can imagine the rest; wide eyed, white faced, they did an about face, hurried away as fast as their dark cinamon colored stockinged legs could carry them!

  5. I wish we could exchange Facebook friends! I went to school in Texas and almost every single one of them has their panties in a wad that it wasn't overturned. They're screaming like the sky is falling and reposting every ignorant picture/illustration while hoping there's a civil war (seriously). A couple of them have even said they want to move to Canada now because of it. They were immediately unfriended for being too stupid to associate myself with. Canada has socialized medicine you window-licking moron! I do have to say that the Texans I grew up with can at least spell their ignorant thoughts better than the inbred Okies I'm surrounded by now. "Their taking our rites away and next is our guns!"
    As for dating Republicans, I would highly recommend against it. I married a Republican and we can't talk about anything political with sharp objects in the room. We agree on absolutely NOTHING political and if we ever get divorced, this will probably be a reason.
    Did the mormon answer the question about the underwear??

  6. Ann sounds like a swell gal, and I too am wondering how the mormon responded to the underwear question!

  7. Also, I couldn't possibly live in DC as I have no effing clue what's going on, ever. Keeping me informed is the husband's job with weekly news recaps, despite my ignorance I still manage to be quite opinionated. Go figure.

  8. Politics?? meh, they are all just a bunch of lying thieving sheep shaggers over here. lol

  9. LOLOLOLOL!! I have recently (gasp!) MARRIED a Republican and it still shocks me every time I think of it.

    Although, here in Memphis most of my friends are Republicans and I'm one of the lone voices of reason.


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