Friday, October 11, 2013

If the rain comes they run and hide their heads...

It will perhaps not come as a surprise to you to hear how sunshine-dependent I am. How stormy weather pulls me straight down.

We're on our, what, second day of rainy coldy grey pouring rain rain rain? And I feel like it's been raining my entire life.

Nick doesn't love this weather, but it doesn't affect his mood. I've talked before about how Nick is fairly even-keeled, and he never has the lows that I have. But he also never has the highs.

I would love to be able to maintain an even keel. I am much better at it now, and I'm consistently happier than I've ever been. I still have ups and downs, but they're not quite as uppy or downy, and they're briefer in duration.

I haven't descended into the dread pit of despair since I was pregnant and unmedicated.

But it seems you're either an even-keeler or an up-and-downer. Me, I so appreciate the sustained periods of good, because I have had extended periods of hideously bad. I don't know what it would be like to just take happy for granted.

And similarly, I think, I appreciate my marriage so much more because it took so long to get to a healthy relationship. I don't know if I would recognize what I have, if I hadn't worked so hard to get here, and had so many painful experiences along the way.

I'd love to say that I would, but I don't believe it.

I feel like I appreciate him intensely, and work all the harder for a good relationship, because I have lived in the dark, and I like living in the light.

Nick and I have our struggles, of course, and though we haven't had any giant, screaming fights lately, I'm not so naive as to believe they are behind us.

We get regularly frustrated and annoyed with each other, but we are both quick to apologize and quick to take responsibility. I love this man with my whole heart. Unreservedly and unabashedly. I know he loves me right back just as much.

And so, the other day, when he was stomping around in frustration, saying: "WHERE is my bike lock? I know I left it right here. And since I'm the ONLY ONE WHO PUTS THINGS AWAY, it should still be here, shouldn't it!?"

I made a giant effort to bite my tongue and squelch the desire to punch him in the ouchie bits.


  1. I must admit, I said something the other day kind of on the same bitchy tone, about my bike helmet... I did apologize afterwards though.
    Isn't it amazing how fast the weather can change? It got super freezing here in Lyon all of a sudden. Like, one day, all I needed to go out was a sweater, and the next I needed TWO sweaters, AND a coat, AND a scarf!

    1. Ah, you're a teenager - lots of ups and downs. And you apologized. Big hug to you, Carm!

      It's been so lovely here lately. I hope this great weather keeps up for your visit!

  2. Lesser known Beatles lines and Nick ouchy bit threatening. This! The sincere appreciation of the good in life is not bad either.


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