Friday, March 23, 2007

No Clowns, No Clucking Like A Chicken

So on Wednesday I did in fact go up on stage to try to get hypnotized. And my friend Laura decided to as well, which was a fun surprise!

I have to say that being hypnotized was very different than I expected. I felt slightly fuzzy, slightly giddy. Not out of control, but not totally in control either.

He talked us down into a hypnotic state. But nothing happened as quickly as it did last week. We could all tell him our names when asked. He had to talk us into relaxation again. Which felt good. It felt warm and cozy, like being snuggled in soft sheets.

He then started talking about how hot it was. The air was so dry and hot. He was getting so thirsty, and he assumed we were becoming very thirsty as well. We might even want some water. He would get water for everyone who wanted it. Because it was so hot. And so dry. And we were to open our eyes in 3...2...1

And I was thinking, "Oh, I am so not hypnotized. But he's right. It's really hot now. And my mouth is so dry and sticky. Water would be fantastic. Even though I'm not hypnotized, I'd love some water. I hope he lets me stay up here so I get a glass of water too."

He got waters for everyone who was thirsty. And it was such good water! Because boy, was I thirsty!

This second time he went around asking names, some people could give them and some couldn't. When he asked Laura, who was sitting next to me, what her name was, she couldn't tell him.

She contemplated. She cocked her head and said, "Oh, I know it!" She opened her mouth and. . .giggled. But she couldn't come up with it.

I was sitting next to her laughing. Thinking, "I can't believe she can't tell him! Because I know my name! I totally know my name!"

And when he asked me my name I said, very triumphantly, "Laura!"

And Laura said, "That's it! That's my name!"

I was very excited. "Oh! Right! That is it!"

As for my name? No clue. I mean, I knew I knew it. I just couldn't quite produce it.

At the time, I really didn't think I was hypnotized. Neither of us did. I think both of us analyzed the experience a little too much while it was going on. There were some people who were so totally there, and I was watching them, thinking, "Oh, they are so hypnotized. And I'm not."

One of the early skits, we were supposed to see Flip's clothes drop off when he touched his forehead. And when he turned around, we would see his three foot penis.

And some of the people clearly did. He touched his forehead and they were laughing and pointing. Or averting their eyes. Some of the guys shook their heads and clapped their hands over their eyes, "Oh, dude!"

At the end of that skit, I was positive I wasn't hypnotized. I just felt buzzed and happy. So I beckoned him over with my finger. "Psst!"

And when he walked over, I leaned forward. To tell him the secretest secret. Ever.

I whispered, "I didn't see you naked."

And he said, "I know."

Laura and I talked afterwards. We were both so disappointed to not have seen the three foot penis. Because when does that kind of opportunity ever arise? No pun intended.

And so I expected him to send me down from the stage. The next time he talked us into relaxation and then asked a few people who could tell clearly weren't hypnotized to speed up their breathing and go back to a normal state, I wasn't one of them.

The last skit, he had people become irate when he said, "Ladies and gentlemen," because they would instead hear him berating the audience. He also chose individual people to perform particular things. He assigned these tasks by focusing on us one at a time.

With everyone's eyes closed, he said to this perky little red-haired woman, "The person whose shoulder I am tapping right now will become very angry when you hear the words 'ladies and gentlemen'. Your hand, however, will turn into a puppet. This puppet will speak with your voice. This puppet thinks everything is funny, even though you do not."

He tapped both Laura and me on the shoulder to laugh hysterically while others were getting mad.

One man was asked to make baseball signals to get the audience to understand that he wanted the hypnotist off the stage.

And one guy was Santa Claus. But in disguise - nobody knew he was really Santa. He was to remember everyone who was naughty and nice for his end of year tally.

When Flip asked all of us to open our eyes, the Santa guy immediately asked for a piece of paper and a pen. When asked what he wanted it for, he was cagey. Just needed a pen. And paper. He narrowed his eyes at Flip and asked for his name, which he noted on the paper.

This skit was truly hilarious, for us anyway. Because every time he said "ladies and gentlemen" people got mad. Laura and I clutched each other laughing. And people were getting so annoyed with us. Because the angrier they were, the more I laughed. I was crying.

And whenever someone would glare at me and say, "What's so funny? How can you think this is funny?" I'd gasp an apology.

"I don't know! Ha ha ha! I'm so sorry! Haaaaah! Ha ha ha ha!" Gasp gasp. "Ha ha!"

The redhead with the puppet hand was furious. With Flip. With us. But her hand, which was perched in the air like a little bird next to her shoulder, was laughing away. Her hand, speaking through her, thought it was incredibly funny.

And the guy doing baseball signs? He was flailing all over the place. It was like he was directing airplanes for take-off and landing. When really, all he wanted was the hypnotist to get off the stage. He was so earnest. And so upset.

Santa squinted around suspiciously, asking names and noting them down. He was incredibly serious. And secretive.

And we just laughed our asses off.

In the end, when he talked us out of it, I felt like I'd been sort of asleep. But not quite. Rested. Relaxed.

My parents thanked me so much for inviting them. My dad sent me the cutest email saying that they'd not only laughed so hard but they felt like such grown ups coming into the city for an evening! Isn't that adorable?

In comparison with last week, it's funnier from the audience because you can see everyone reacting to everything. And I do think I was processing too much to really let go and run with it. But I could never have gotten up there with last week's date. I'd have been waaaay too self-conscious.

So I'm glad I went back and got up on stage. I had a damn good time up there. And it definitely assuaged my curiosity.


  1. Somehow, I don't think he really would have needed to hypnotize you to think it was funny.

    I'm jealous, though -- I always wanted to know what it feels like to be hypnotized.

  2. I-66 - Um. I can't imagine it's a good look. I'm not a "no linen after Labor Day" rule follower, but I'd say having your penis hanging below your skirt has got to be a fashion faux pas.

    LMNt - I am certain you are right. But I'm so glad I checked it out.

  3. I was going to leave a comment, but this post is waaaaay too long for me to read in one sitting, so I'll wait until I get all the way through it. You ought to pace yourself, girl. You can't just vomit a whole novellette in one post!

  4. 2x4 - That's helpful information to know, actually. Thanks!

  5. What a riot! I'm so glad there were no clowns.

  6. I had another comment planned until I read something about clowns. And now I can't separate the clown thing from the three-foot penis thing, and I'm sorta wishing I was hypnotized away from the awful resulting visual . . .

    Glad it was a fun time!

  7. Ohh, that is such a horrifying visual. Hilarious, though.


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