Friday, August 31, 2007

Furniture delivery

Last night Laura and I wound up at Busboys & Poets. We'd started with drinks at Indebleu, moved on to Zengo for appetizers. And then we decided to walk up to U Street.

I swear, Laura has no fear. She walks all over DC at night by herself. We walked up 11th from downtown to U Street.

I've been mugged - only once, and years ago - and so am a complete chicken walking in the dark. I was so twitchy the whole way. I put on my commuting shoes, stuck my platforms in my bag, and make her walk really, really fast. We practically sprinted.

We got up to U Street and were trying to decide where to go. Somewhere easy and comfortable and not stressful and where we wouldn't have to talk to random men. Because, as I have mentioned before, guys trip over themselves to give her their cards.

She denies this but I swear it's true. I've seen it happen a number of times. Hell, I've been tripped over a number of times.

In any case, we wound up on a super comfy couch at Busboys. Laura was starting to get cranky, so I insisted we get some chocolate into our systems and ordered cake. Good call.

There was a couple sitting on a couch near us. If I'd been good at geometry I'd know the term. Like, if our couches made an L, they'd be one side of the L and we'd be the other. Not facing us but in very close proximity.

Laura and I were turned on our couch facing each other; I had my back to them. In other words, Laura was facing them. This only matters because basically, talking to me means she is also talking at them.

She has today off. And so at some point we were tired, and eating cake and lounging, winding down from the night and just brain turned off silly. So she begins describing her Friday in contrast to my upcoming one.

She began, "I'll probably roll out of bed without my alarm. But still early. Probably about when you're putting on your work clothes and hurrying out the door."

"I love how they put fresh strawberries on the cake, don't you?"

Not deterred, she continues, "Yeah, when you're walking to work, I'll be lounging in my garden. And just as you're getting to the office, I'll just be stretching," and with this she makes a big, lazy stretching motion.

I look away.

"I'll be wondering if I want to make another pot of coffee or go for a run. . ."

I pretend to brush a stray hair off my forehead. With my middle finger.

"And then I'll probably take a long, leisurely shower."

I remark on how delicious my iced chai is. Yum!

She ignores. "Hmm. After that. Ahhhh. I might make myself a nice, relaxing cup of chamomile tea. Maybe I'll flip through a magazine. That's probably what I'll be doing as you sit at your computer.""

"This chocolate cake is amazing. You should really have more."

She continues, "And between 11:00 and 1:00 I'll just hang out and wait for the furniture delivery men.

I pretend to be completely engrossed in the chocolate cake. "I love this cake."

"Yeah. And if one of them is hot, I'll probably just go ahead and have sex with him."

This makes me giggle. "I don't see why not. You have the whole day off."

And then the look on Laura's fact turns to mild horror. She whispers, "Those people just heard me say that! And they think I'm serious!"

I start to laugh. Then she does. We are both laughing so hard we have tears running down our faces.

Because what do you then say? You can't really wave and get their attention just to say, "Heh heh! And heh! Just kidding! Not really going to have sex with the furniture delivery guys! No sirreee! Just making idiotic conversation with my friend over here! Heh!"

I was so glad that this time it was her and not me.


  1. Furniture delivery guy... yet another profession to cross of my list of things to try.

    Oh well.

  2. Classic, really. Even funnier, or horrifying depending on seating, if she'd mentioned the furniture men would be naked, like the guy who cleans your house.

  3. You just know that couple talked all the way home about your and Laura's conversation.

  4. That's what the couple gets for eavesdropping. And believe me, they were probably insanely jealous of your friend.

  5. :)))
    Is this Laura real?Or just your alter ego;-)
    Great story!

  6. Perpendicular! I knew all of this math in my head must be good for something. I keep telling my students that it has real-world applications.

  7. VVK - I think you've chosen a good field for yourself. And you're probably more likely to get laid in one of those gov't offices than a furniture delivery guy.

    HKW - Thank you for reminding me! I have to slip my naked house cleaner in conversation more often!

    DCup - Yah, probably. Scandalized!

    G&D - I was jealous! Not for the furniture delivery men but for the furniture and entire gorgeous day off!

    Marija - Ha ha! Real, very tall and very real!

    Alex - Ohh, thank you! Perpendicular!


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