Thursday, May 14, 2009

If only

You know, Nick would be a gazillion times better at being pregnant than I am.

We've discussed it repeatedly, and he agrees every time.

It's not that I'm terrible at it. I'm just more bitchy more often. And I don't sleep very well. And, well, I just feel so so waddly, so uncomfortable, so, just, ugh, so much of the time. Plus, I had plenty of range of mood before this - it's not like I was ever lacking in that department.

Nick, however, would be an ideal candidate for gestating a big ole baby.

He's enormous, so he has all kinds of room to carry it without squooshing his organs. In fact, he's big enough that he would probably still barely show at this point.

And he doesn't freak out about weight gain. It doesn't seem to lower his self-esteem one bit.

Also, his stomach is where he carries his weight anyway. So he probably wouldn't need to buy new pants. He could probably keep wearing his shirts and regular suits for most of it.

OK, so towards the end he might need stretchy maternity shirts and jackets. And his tie would stick out pretty far. But I think that would be it in terms of apparel.

Plus, all that gas at the beginning? He wouldn't be horrified. Rather, he'd be all, "Hey, pull my finger!" every 3 minutes. And then be all proud.

Instead of being appalled by how much he was eating, he'd revel in it. He'd definitely push the whole eating-for-two to its limit and totally enjoy the ride.

Beyond that, and maybe most importantly, he is just so much more even-tempered than I. Even with mood swings, he'd probably still maintain a mostly positive disposition. He wouldn't complain half as much. Or a tenth.

In fact, he might not complain at all. He doesn't really tend to. I don't quite get it, but he doesn't.

He'd just be all, "Yeah, I'm pregnant," and then get on with his day.

Yes, I have given this a great deal of specific thought.

As I said, if only.


  1. I am very interested to learn how I react to pregnancy. I am pretty good about handling being uncomfortable, but the weight? I don't know about that one...

  2. Now most of my team is reading since I laughed so loud at the part about gas.

  3. Heh. Not to mention, he'd probably have had a MUCH easier time indulging cravings without feeling guilty about it.

    Of course, since it's not possible for him to be the pregnant one, it's a good thing he's pretty good at being a support system for the pregnant one, no?

    Hugs :o)

  4. But would his blog be as funny and insightful as yours? I doubt it. I will, however, concede the point that Nick's 6'4" frame would be much better suited, size wise, to carrying a fetus. He'd look especially cool in the gold jacket while preggers.

    In the end, though, I think his stature is much more useful for hunting the wooly mammoth and protecting the cave from saber tooth tigers.

  5. i guess this works in theory. i believe that men seem like they'd be cooler than us about it because we think so. i am a big believer in the "women handle pain better than men" to begin with so i think he'd be in total shock with pregnancy... okay, maybe not as much the pregnancy as labor.
    i can't even imagine a guy dealing with cramps every month... though i would love to see one try : )

  6. At least given his height and size, you don't have to worry about ever weighing more than him. I realized this morning that I weigh the same as my husband now. And it almost made me cry. But then he told me that it didn't count, because there were two of us, and he's just one person, and then that made me want to cry for different reasons. Ah, pregnancy hormones...

  7. Hey Lisa?,
    You know what big babies men are when they get sick? Imagine putting up with that for nine months honey? imagine them not being able to have a beer for nine months? Now that alone mine trigger intense mood swings in some.
    Theres a very good reason women have the babies.
    All the weight gain, fussy eating or not so fussy eating, the moods the grumpies, the farts etc, its all nearly over for you now so you have done well. I hated being preggy and was glad to see the end of it when my son was born.
    One very good piece of advice given to me my a very dear friend who was a soldier.(sadly passed away now) I was complaining about the few stretchmarks I was left with after all the gestation stuff and David said to me.
    ""Wear your scars with pride, they are a testament to your strength and courage and the bravery of this journey you willingly undertook knowing you were putting your life on the line."

  8. Yes, but.

    When I was one gigantic mood swing and throwing things at anyone within firing range, Chris was all "no worries, honey, you're having a baby!" He's the nice one. If he were pregnant, I'd be all "what do you mean the smell of the dinner I just made makes you want to throw up? Eat it, you ingrate!"

  9. Lemmonex - I keep asking them not to tell me, so I still don't know how much I weigh, so the truth is it's more my size than my weight, but it makes me crazy.

    Red - :) I am telling you, this is exactly what he would do. No question.

    Dagny - He's the best support system. So much better than I would be.

    Foggy - Excellent point...of course it wouldn't be. :)

    As for the gold jacket - wow, that with a baby belly underneath would be a blingy force to be reckoned with. And yes, he's a much better size for the hunting than the gestating.

    notsojenny - There is the pain factor. It's impossible to imagine men with monthly cramps.

    Luna - I know a number of women who hit their husband's weight and they were all traumatized by it. I'd be unable to fit through a door if I ever hit Nick's weight.

    And your husband is right - it doesn't count because there are two of you. Which is very sweet to think about. Yay! And you're going to have your baby so very soon!

    Go-Betty - Welllll, yah. Nick is a pretty good sick person, though. The beer would be a challenge. And I'd probably constantly be fretting about what he was eating (like I'm not now).

    As for the scars, I think that's true.

    Susan - You make such an excellent point. Nick is a million times kinder and gentler than I could ever be in his position. I wouldn't have the patience.

    Lisa - Hah.


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