Friday, July 08, 2011

Some of us are just better than others at knowing when to let go, OK?

So, I painted my toenails orange because I have to go to Tampa tomorrow for work. Which actually has nothing to do with anything.

Because what I really want to talk about is this: there are people who are good at using pull-down shades, and people who are not.

I fall into the second category.

Somehow, I am always letting go of the damn things too quickly, and they flip way up to the top. Or I don't stop pulling when I should, and then they wind up 15 feet long. And then I do the little quick tug to make them go up. And they get longer. Or whiz themselves all the way up.

When we lived in Nick's condo, I loved our plantation shutters that Nick refused to peek his penis out of, but we do not have them in our house. And they are not in the budget. So we have shades and blinds.

Which means Nick is constantly giving me remedial shade-pulling lessons.

The other day, just before naptime, I let go of the shade in Jordan's room and it zipped up to the top of the window. Jordan was right there on the changing table, and I wasn't sure what to do. Because my options, as I saw it, were twofold. I could shove him out the door, close it, and hurriedly pull the shade down while he wailed in an abandoned panic.

I guess now that I think about it I could also have stuck him in the closet. But it didn't occur to me at the time. And also might've been a little traumatic as well.


My second option was to let him watch me drag the chair over, place it against the wall, skibble-scooch up on the back of the chair and also kind of balance on the bit of window ledge that sticks out next to the air conditioner while clutching the window frame...and then reeeaaaach up and pull down the shade.

Here, Jordan! Here's how to climb to very high places! It's not safe, but it works! And wheee, doesn't it look like fun?

This turns out to be the option I chose.

And he just giggled at me as I clenched the window frame, reaching for the shade.

"Mama's funny!"

Yes, my little friend, she sure is. Now don't you try this little trick.

And no, nobody wants to go to Tampa in July and try to look semi-professional while sweating like a stuck pig. And yes, I think orange toes might help. Also, do pigs really sweat?


  1. Pigs do NOT sweat. They roll around in the mud to cool off. I just painted my toes bright blue b/c you said it was one of colors for this Summer. I love it!

  2. omg, those flip flops are so cute! The orange toenails are perfect with them.

    We have blinds on all the many many windows of the library where I work. And they are almost all incorrigible that way -- only snapping all the way up or getting stuck all the way down. And then most of the little metal brackets holding them up are bent, so getting the blind out of there to roll it back up is... well, I've just taken to leaving them as they are. I've had enough patrons watching me standing on chairs and desks, struggling with those things. Luckily none of our patrons' naptime is being disturbed. Well, almost none.

    And! I think it's "bleeding like a stuck pig". I don't know if they sweat. I've never seen one panting, so maybe they do.

  3. See? There's still something for everyone on this here site... Stories for moms, instruction manuals on how to terrify your parents for kids, fashion tips for all, and foot pictures for the fetishists.

    Also, it's nice to see you haven't forgotten where you got your start ;o)

  4. Ha! I've been schooled by the husband on how to properly raise and lower our pull-down shades, along with an accusation that it is my poor technique that results in the loss of proper tension in the shades - which means he has to go through some kind of tedious mechanical exercise to fix them. So I went on strike and never touched the things. The next time he accused me of causing the problem I quietly pointed out that it couldn't possibly have anything to do with me because hasn't he noticed that the shades never moved if he didn't do it?


    Score one for me.

  5. Ok how about you get Nick to make you a pole (broom handle maybe) with a hook on the end of it that you can hook through the loop on the bottom of the shades (do they have one?)to enable you to pull it down to your height to start with? It can stay stored with the brooms etc in the cupboard and means you dont have to climb. Just a suggestion because being 5ft 3 1/2 " myself I find neccessity is the mother of invention frequently in my vertically challenged world. PS I painted my toes bright turquoise on the weekend...not at all a winter colour but who cares, no one sees them cause they are in boots and shoes.


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