Friday, July 01, 2011

Cool blue reason I'm just talking to myself

It is a beautiful, beautiful day out, and I am curled up into myself sad.

It's easier to understand the downs in the winter, when the weather is grim and the cold makes me clenchy.

But now?

The weather is spectacular, particularly for DC. It's sunny and gorgeous and not so humid and just basically yellow sparkly and pretty.

It's the start of a long weekend. A long summer weekend! We have a pool party to attend on the 4th of July. Cookout and splashing in the pool with kids and friends. What could be better?

Nick comes back tomorrow. He's been in New Orleans for work. Yes, it is hot as balls. Yes, I believe that's an industry term.

And Jordan, Jordan is adorable. He likes to put things on his head, thus rendering himself invisible, and then if you don't notice immediately, he says, "Jordan! Where are you?" Which he pronounces: Dodan! Wheeaahyo?

It is, without question, the cutest thing I've ever seen. I mean, aside from all the other adorable things he does.

I have all these spectacularly fantasticularly lovely things that I am thankful for.

I'm enumerating them, envisioning all the best, with clear salty teardrops sneaking down my cheeks. I don't understand. And I do.

Sometimes it's just like this, you know? I know. Fuck.


  1. Hugs to you Lisa. I know, sometimes it's like this. Everything will be okay and the weekend will be grand. I'm glad the weather is so nice in DC. Your Jordan translation is adorable, so sweet. -HK

  2. Sometimes the blues just hit. Get through today and hope that tomorrow you can enjoy the sparkly yellow summer days.

    Also, Jordan is the cutest kid ever, but you already knew that :)

  3. Is there a #2 impacting your hormones? Although I don't have sad days often, I have random angry days. I get really frustrated that I know I have nothing to be angry about, but that doesn't make it go away. Hugs to you and I hope the fun weekend chases the blues away.

  4. I feel for you, Lisa. I've been feeling the same way, and guilty as hell. How can a teacher on summer vacation possibly feel so blah? Shouldn't I be dancing in the streets, instead of curled up reading "Ordinary People" and tasting my tears? Also, it's hot as balls here, too. So maybe that's part of it. Also women who think sometimes get blue. It's the curse of not being able to not think.

  5. Hugs. Go outside! Have some m&ms, or some cheez-its. And then maybe a glass or two of wine. It'll get better in a little while.

  6. I know.
    I hope the mood turns round soon and the funk lifts.

  7. i understand this dichotomy all too well... happy things all around, but inexplicable sadness inside. i'm sorry you feel this way today lisa. i wish i had good advice for you, because then i would take it myself. it really is just a matter of time before it passes though.

  8. Gosh don't I know this. Having everything one could want. Mostly. But then there is that ever present heartache...seems to invade the nicest days. Because nice days and holidays...made for family. Sometimes I just play some music and have a big ole cry. It hurts, but then it helps.

    Hugs from the Prairie,

  9. Dodan! So CUTE! Clara doesn't have a name for herself yet (other than meeeee) but she calls her big sister Loodloo. I guess Muriel *is* a little hard to pronounce..

    Hang in there Lisa!
    Hugs and kisses flying your way!

  10. ugh, it happens. it sucks. i'm sorry, and i hope tomorrow is better than today!

  11. Sorry you are blue, Lisa, even as you are trying to count your blessings. This is your soul saying "take care of me" for a bit. Listen to it.

    Hugs to you.

  12. in my experience perfect weather in that situation makes the whole thing worse... like you are supposed to be out there having fun but you just can't. hoping for a thunderstorm for you tonight and that you wake up tomorrow feeling good.

  13. You are precious.

  14. and that? is why i am medicated.

    (first time ever, yes, it took almost 18 months to realize that *this* was not normal...)

    hang in there. and someday dekkin and dodan will meet and it will be glorious!

  15. Hugs from across the globe.

  16. yeah...i know...dont be so hard on yourself...

  17. Sometimes even when there is a party going on you feel alone. And sometimes when everything seems great you feel blue.

    I hate that part. It's the really crappy part.

    Big e-Hugs from all of us here in Thornton. :)

  18. It sucks. I've been there. I hope you made it through. I know i'm late to the party.


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