Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The reason I almost removed my pants walking home last night plus photos that go with prior posts and no, there isn't a no pants photo

I always aim to post more photos or drawings because they spruce things up but most of the time it just doesn't happen. Even though I love it when other people add pictures to their posts.

But I'm trying.

And sometimes I feel like one needs evidence. Last night I walked home past the pee bottle and decided that I'd walk by again this morning, and if it was still sitting outside the wrought-iron fence of the nice building, I'd call 311 and see if pee removal was under the purview of DC government.However. When I walked by this morning, the pee bottle was in the yard. Meaning, well, two things. One, that someone picked it up and chucked it over the fence. Ew. And two, it's now clearly the lawn-owner's problem, and not DC's. Right?

Also. I'm still bummed about my glove. See how cute?And finally, these are some of the animals Jordan has a creche on. If you come over, you are likely to wind up with at least one or two in your pocket or your shoe.Also, I damn near pulled off my pants on my walk home last night, and only modesty/fear of being arrested/bigger fear of people pointing and laughing kept me from doing so. Because my maternity coat only comes down past my bum.

I don't know if all the laundry detergent didn't wash out, or what the deal was, but they were so burny! It was kind of like the insides were covered with shards of glass that were making itty bitty cuts with every step.

Which made me think back to my tobacco dipping days and how apparently they put fiberglass into dip to cut your gums so the nicotine gets in there nice and fast. Which is why it's such a quick little buzz.

Those days are long past, though. And there weren't that many of them. Fun, though.

But last night with my fiberglass pants I was seriously fantasizing about the chilly air on my thighs and it took every ounce of my willpower not to just pull them right off and pretend I had on the whitest tights one could imagine and that I thought they were pants.

As soon as I got in the door I stepped out of them and dabbed my legs with water. I couldn't bear to put on more pants, and all evening Jordan kept saying, "Mama, you have no pants!"

That's right, honey. And when you grow up, you can have no pants whenever you want. And eat cake for breakfast every day if you so choose.

Then Nick came home and said, "You have no pants!" I briefly considered feigning surprise but was too tired.

I'm not sure what the deal was there. I started getting hurty little red bumps but they didn't get any worse. Today my skin is a little aggravated, but not terribly. And if it were laundry detergent, wouldn't you think my shirt would be bugging me as well? It's not like your legs are the tenderest parts of your body.

I dunno.


  1. Maybe you should switch to Dreft for the time being? Some people only experience allergic reactions in specific parts of the body.

    I have a hard time picturing you with dip in your mouth.

  2. What we've always done with J's clothes is do a double rinse, so that's what I'm going to start doing with mine. We've stopped using fabric softener in the dryer, too.

    I'm considering making my own washing powder. It seems easy.

    And yah, I know. Particularly since I hate smoking so much. People were always shocked, which was part of the fun.

  3. Oh! And it didn't occur to me that an allergic reaction would be on one part but not another but maybe that is exactly it.

  4. Funny story: I once dipped tobacco on a boat in the Severn River while the Blue Angels did a special program in the sky. The water was choppy and the boat dippy and, well, looking up at the sky makes you dizzy anyway. It all combined for one hard buzz.

  5. Sorry about the fav glove. Thought this might cheer you up. Even though none match that fine lone glove, there are some interesting choices with Gloves by Ines.

  6. Aw, too bad you were too tired to feign surprise, that would have been fun. And yes, that is a beautiful glove. :(

    Now about those burny pants. This has happened to me twice, but with underwear. I've had a really bad burny-rash. I don't have sensitive skin, and use a very gentle 'green' soap for laundry, (that I've been using for years) so it's gotta be chemicals in the fibres and/or processing of fibres. This is not good.

    I'm now thinking of only buying organic cotton, so, expensive. Hopefully, there are cute ones available, that will last a loooong time.

  7. The pee bottle is gross but the photo is a fascinating representation of urban oddities.

    Is that a sentence?

    Cute gloves! They must return home to you. I pictured smaller animals for Jordan's crush - what a boy you have :) Chewing tobacco makes me think of baseball players and cowboys....not Lisa but you're full of surprises, ha!

    Sorry about the itchy walk home, way to persevere and keep your pants on. I've made detergent before and it was easy and cheap, I didn't think about the benefit of avoiding allergic reactions. Go for it.

  8. P.S.: When my sons collection of tiny toys grew too numerous, I'd observe him at play and note which ones remained at the bottom of the basket, in order to determine which ones to weed out. Those toys, to avoid tantrums, I never snuck away at a rate of more than one every couple days. Exceptions: if he left a toy in a dangerous place, like on a stair, that one went overtly "bye-byes." Or If he refused to pick up his toys, they would disappear, but only for a specified number of days.

    Eventually he lost interest in tiny toys, and the balance joined the lot of stow aways.

    Now, when little ones visit, we have a large and wonderous collection to play with. And IF behaviour has been especially good, a little visitor is allowed to select one to take home. I'm always sad to see one go!

    There are still loads left, if my son has children. Many of them have aquired a vintage, even antique look. Nothing can beat the patina that toys aquire, when they have been loved to death!

  9. Dana - That sounds cool, but I think all of that going on would've been a little too much for me. It's such a fun buzz, though, no?

    Jodie - Ohhh, those are lovely! And sadly out of my budget. I doubt mine cost more than $20, but so nice!

    tamater sammich - That sucks, although if they're new underwear, maybe they haven't been washed enough? They use a ton of chemicals when dyeing fabric. And if not, there must be not-t00-expensive organic options. I hope!

    Also, I love your toy idea. We need to start taking some out of circulation, because they just create clutter and I know he's not that interested. Will take the gradual approach. I also love that you give them away as treats for good children.

    HK - Yes, a sentence, and I like the idea of a fascinating representation of urban oddities.

    He is such a BOY. And they're not actually huge - his truck isn't that big. But not tiny either. Basically, a good size for playing with and not worrying about choking.

    You know, I did go to college in the fine tobacco state of NC. There were a lot of students from rural areas and a lot of dippers. But it was actually Maude who got me into it. :)

    I think I am going to do it. It does seem easy and definitely cheap!

  10. Ewww that IS pee! Good pictures though. And actually pictures are nice, but you honestly do write well enough not to need them. I am usually cracking up and nodding in agreement even without pictures. But I do love when you post pictures too. DO you think you'll ever put this all in book form? I'd love an advance signed copy please. You can stay with me on your book tour! And I'll be sure and have flannel or satin sheets...have you ever slept on flannel sheets? Heaven. Satin? not so much.
    Dana's comment gave me vertigo.

  11. I should have explained. Flannel or satin so you don't get the itchies. None of what I write makes any sense any more.

  12. I have one brand of laundry detergent I have a seriously bad reacton to over here. I come up in huge lumps with blisters like chicken pox and they hurt like all hell and then they leave purple scars like old insect bites that take 4-6 months to fade. I wont try any other laundry powders I stick to the one I know I wont react to because the risk of reaction is not worth experimenting with others. Pee in a bottle? most bizzare. I hope your glove shows up, check the shop windows as you walk your route as someone may have taken it into a shop and they might pop it into the window for a passer-by to claim.


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