Friday, January 13, 2012

Week 25: cat @sshole territory

Here Mama, I'll hold it in for you!I'm definitely bigger this time, but while I could be wrong, I don't think I'm significantly bigger at this point than I was with Jordan, but one thing is certain: my belly button is firmly in what my friend Maude terms the "cat asshole" stage.

It got there fast. It's been there for a while. It grosses me out.See?

I'm not sure why I find it so much more horrifying than other icky pregnancy-related things, but I do.

So naturally, when anyone asks if my belly button is poking out yet, I say, "Oh, it's so disgusting! Wanna see?"

(I promise, this will not be my response when people start to ask if I'm dilated yet. Which they will, if history is any guide. It seriously becomes hallway conversation.)

Jordan is the only one who actually wants to see. He's fascinated by the state of my belly button. He points to it and pokes it and says, "That's where the baby girl will come out!"

Uhh, sort of.

And then he lifts his own shirt to show his belly button.

This morning I put his hands on my tummy while she was moving. I said, "That's your baby sister! Can you feel her moving?"

He nodded. He inspected my belly button very closely. And then said, "Pretty soon, she's going to come visit us!"

Oh, and back on the cat assholes, or rather, an asshole cat...

My friend Kristin in Paris is having this cat problem. She had her male cat snipped yesterday, and as soon as he got home he was all out of control and rapey, totally humping and molesting the other cat.

So she locked him in the bathroom and posted it on Facebook. And poured herself some wine.

She was worried maybe they snipped the wrong thing. I thought it might be post-surgery insanity (does that happen?). Or do male cats go through a rapey period after being de-balled? I suggested sedatives. Seriously, sedate the shit out of that fucker.

Not being a cat person, I wanted to suggest shoving him into a box and heading to Le Animal Shelter tout suite. However, I refrained.

For the cat people out there, any thoughts?


  1. I don't know I'm not a vet. But I do play one at home. I think it takes about a month for those hormones to be completely out of the system. And as far as being male...well they are what they are forever. Also I had a vet tell me why our male dog still humps our other dog years after his snip and she said because it's a way to show dominance. See, it never goes away, no mater what species. Men.
    Sometimes I forget you are pg! Love these little stories and what J says. hang in there girl uh, and out there too :)

  2. "So she locked him in the bathroom and posted it on Facebook. And poured herself some wine."

    This sounds like a winning strategy. I think I will employ it for everything from now on. Except then I'd need to get another bathroom that I could actually use. Maybe I will substitute "guest bedroom".

    Also, I'd need more wine.

  3. I'm a dog person, cats scare me more than snakes. Okay, I'm exaggerating but hope to never own a cat. Or snake. I agree with Jessica - winning strategy by Kristin that is versatile.

    Happy 25 weeks! Cute photo of you and Big J :)

  4. Ewww I AM a cat person, and had a male siamese for like 18 years and he never did anything icky like that.

    Anyway, I empathize with you on the belly button. Around 7 mos. my mom loudly pointed mine out at a family gathering (even though I was wearing 2 layers and a scarf trying to disguise it) and I started crying.

  5. How sweet Jordan is about the baby. These are such exciting times for your family.

    As for the male cat, I think Lynn has it right. His hormones are all stirred up. Our cats came home and slunk around with their tails down all shamed and shit and hid under the bed. But since your friend's cat is French? Well, you know how the French are. ;-D

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  7. um, yes, I hope you didn't see that profile before I deleted it. I have no memory of setting it up, but it was clearly done in the phase of being stupidly in love. Horrifying. Anyway, my point was that my cat's asshole, and I've checked, does not stick out like this. I think you've somehow only been exposed to cats with hemorrhoids.


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