Friday, January 27, 2012

Let my love open the door. It's all I'm living for.

So, when you walk in the front door after work and the first thing your mother says is, "I have to talk to you about something," it makes you a little nervous.

Here's what happened.

You know how Jordan has become particularly interested in poop? Which just means that now he fits in with the rest of the family? Except Betty, who used to regularly say when I was growing up, "Can we please have no anal talk at the dinner table tonight?"

Poor woman.

So, anyway, he has.

We've been very open about all of it, in an encouragement of heading towards potty training. We let him flush the toilet, which he loves.

Now, he spends two days a week at home with my mom, plus a lot of time in the evenings and on weekends. They're tight. And typically, at least in our house, if it's just you and Jordan, you leave the bathroom door open when you go in.

It's just safer. Because Lord only knows what he'll get into left to his own devices.

So that particular day, Jordan ambled on into the bathroom and said, "What are you making, Nana?"

This is his new thing. What are you making?

As it turned out, she was engaged in an activity of supreme interest to our little friend. And so he marched over, pushed her forward on the toilet, exclaiming, "Move! I want to see!"

He wants to see the poop come out. I am not kidding you.

So Betty said, "You know I would do anything for Jordan. But this is just beyond what I can handle."

It's beyond what any of us really want to handle. So now, here's what you have to do.

You wait until Jordan walks out of the room. And then, making sure he's not looking in your direction, you scurry towards the bathroom, closing the door behind you. He can't yet turn the handle.

Sometimes it all goes fine. But sometimes he walks back in, notices your absence, and he suspiciously inquires about it. If responses are vague, he makes a beeline for the bathroom door.

If he finds it closed, he bangs. He wails, "What are you making?" Bang! Bang! "I neeeeed to come in! OPEN! I NEEED TO COME IN!"

His distress is palpable. He's pretty singular of purpose and hard to distract from this endeavor.

It doesn't help that the spectators in the house are supremely amused by the whole thing. Who wants to be laughed at when you have a serious objective?

So far, it's only at home, and guests are exempt. Let's hope he grows out of it before it gets all awkward and we have to warn his prom date or something.


  1. Wow, seriously, never a dull moment at your house! I love Betty's gentle approach...."I need to talk to you about something...." and think Jordan is so inquisitive..."What are you making?"

    1. Dull is definitely not a word that comes to mind often. I promise I won't let Jordan harass you in March. :)

  2. What happens if you lie and say it's just pee? Is he still interested?

    1. Uh, you're smarter than the rest of us...No, he's not interested in the pee.

  3. This may be one of the funniest posts I've ever read. And I just made a great one that Jordan would have LOVED... ;-)

    1. Thank you! And hahaha - thanks for sharing! You are one of us!

  4. Take comfort in the fact that it is universal. Zeke does the same thing, and all he talks about is pooping and farting. It's beginning to drive me insane, which is saying something because I generally find that kind of thing hilarious. Zeke and Jordan should hang out.

    1. That does make me feel better, although I am sure that when J is Zeke's age, it will be exactly like that. Like you, I find that kind of thing hilarious...but not if it's 24/7. Next time you guys are around, we'll make it happen!

  5. Nico actually wants to watch now too. He is the worst kind of voyeur. But I reserve his perversion for just me, Shaila and Daddy. I figure he he has to learn the mechanics of this whole shit thing anyway. Besides, he learns how to fart on command from his sister and dad, he may as well learn the other stuff too.

    It really is fascinating though when you think about it.

    Miss you girl! Glad to be back in the loop!

  6. And at 18 he will still be extoling the virtues of taking a dump, laying a cable, dropping the kids off at the pool etc and when you say where are you? You get " I am on the crapper" yelled back to you.....Really nothing changes much lol


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