Monday, September 24, 2012

The food-to-condiment ratio

Incidentally, when I typed the title, I first spelled it "condomint" - and then I was all, that's odd! I'm basically a 12-year old boy; how did I never realize that the word condom is in condomint?

I immediately began trying to think of clever things to say, using buns and beef and condomint...And then, uh, drat. It's condiment.

So. How do you feel about condiments? I'd never given them much thought until I felt drowned in them. Turns out, I'm fairly indifferent to most of them.

Except sometimes, when there are so many I can't cram anything else in. Then I feel some serious condiment hostility welling up.

I don't know how many condiments the average person has. But we surely have more than normal. I mean, we're not condiment hoarders. It's not like we have so many condiments that there's no room for a table and chairs. But they do occupy significant space in our fridge and cupboards.

I live with two other adults: Betty and Nick. With the exception of spices, of which she has many, my mother tends to focus on sweet things like jams, honey, syrup. She also buys mustard. Pardon us. I'm certain we have a stockpile of some Grey Poupon.

Nick, on the other hand, goes for the savories: BBQ sauce, hot sauce, dressings, Worcestershire, ketchup, pickle relish, marinades. The man has been know to put smoky Tabasco sauce on just about everything you can imagine. He also buys mustard. We have mustard a-plenty.

My mother likes Miracle Whip. Nick likes mayonnaise. Each will eat the other type in a pinch, but typically, we have to have both.

Not being a math person, I can't tell you the precise food-to-condiment ratio in our fridge. Maybe 1:3? Whatever, it's ridiculous.

Lately, however, we've all been really busy. We haven't done much shopping. And so, this weekend, when my mother, Nick, and Jordan were all gone, I decided to take advantage of the emptiest our fridge has been since we moved in.

I pulled out the shelves one by one and scrubbed them with soap and hot hot water. I dumped old food. I scoured containers.

It felt great.

I'm in the minority, I think, but I hate a full fridge. When the fridge is packed, it totally deters me from looking for anything. When it's sparsely filled, I love it.

I realize this is short-lived. They're going to get all twitchy when they realize we only have three kinds of each jam, sauce, what-have-you.

Nick is back, and Betty returns from Vermont on Friday. I know she's bringing maple syrup. Oh, and not a condiment, but rather, a staple: four pounds of cheddar. (Lucky for me, Nick has never broken up with anyone for eating too much cheese.)

12 comments:

  1. A packed fridge drives me absolutely crazy too. I probably clean out/reorganize on a daily basis, putting anything that should be eaten in plain view (because to my husband, if he can't see it, there's "nothing to eat".)

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    1. We need to do this. We forget about vegetables, and it's such a waste. Nick tends to toss stuff out, for which I'm grateful. I'm like your husband, but not particularly into food, so I don't complain. Left to my own devices, I make pasta and broccoli or eggs for dinner. My husband is not so keen on this.

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  2. I found this information on condiment preference so interesting! I love having a clean fridge too and know washing the shelves requires a lot of time. Well done, I'm envious!

    As a single person, I'm grateful for condiments because my fridge would otherwise be bare more often than not. But I don't use condiments, they are for guests/hosted events.

    The only must-haves for me are chocolate syrup (I'm declaring it a condiment), blackberry jam and a bottle of salad dressing. In a pinch, olive oil will do.

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    1. So, when I lived alone, I think my fridge typically had beer and wine and a couple vegetables and milk, yogurt, and juice. For six years, I doubt it varied much.

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  3. Lol. "nothing to eat" because he can not see it, pretty sure if it cant be eaten straight from the fridge or microwaved it doesn't count either with guys.

    We also have waaaaay to many condiments taking up space in our fridge.

    The one plus about too much stuff in the fridge is being able to hide the goodies you want to keep all to yourself!

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    1. I think we are all like that - if it's not front and center or easy, we don't see it. Terrible. And I think the only thing I hide is chocolate, so not in the fridge!

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  4. At the grocer, realized I failed to list salsa as a staple. Around these parts, when you buy a fridge, salsa is included.

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    1. And salsa! How could I forget salsa?? It's not as critical here as in Texas, but still such a great staple/condiment!

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  5. I get a little twitchy from a full fridge (first world problem?). There's the pressuee to eat everything! Soon! Before it turns on you!

    Plus, it gives me a chance to show off my pretty, sparkly clean shelves.

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    1. I know. It's terrible, isn't it? Except for having had a variety of parasites, all my problems are first world problems, really. I just hate the clutter, which is odd, because I'm pretty untidy.

      Sparkly clean shelves are definitely something to show off.

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  6. when i was a kid i called condiments... condominiums... i was so confused when folks would talk on and on about buying a new condominium... and i was alll *shrugs*. whats the big deal we have tons of mayo we could have just given you some...

    xoxo

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  7. I hate a packed fridge and I HATE the condiment army we currently have. We have, like, 6 kinds of mustard. I HATE mustard. Why does 1 man need so much mustard? Shawn will defend his mustard but I'm all whatever, dude, it's weird.

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