Monday, March 18, 2013

Welcome to the dungeon; we've got fun and games. Now, what size of rubber glove do you wear?

So, I’ve been thinking about my whole alternate career dungeon idea and how it could be both an income stream and useful to us as a family.

Because, as you know, I have so much free time on my hands, and like to use it constructively.

Ohhhh, I make myself laugh. Anyway.

It seems to me that it's extremely important to screen clients very carefully. Because, of course, you don’t want anyone to feel duped or dissatisfied, and you want to attract the right type of clientele for your particular business.

To this end, I decided to develop a potential client questionnaire. It's a work in progress. At this point, it's something like this:

Your responses to the following will help us determine where your interests lie, and in which room of the dungeon we will spend the most time.

1. Please select your favorite household appliance (if more than one, circle all that apply):
  1. Iron
  2. Hand-held mixer
  3. Oven
  4. Washing machine
  5. Vacuum cleaner
  6. Dishwasher
  7. Sewing machine
2. Do you have allergies to any of the following?
  1. Latex
  2. Ammonia
  3. Nuts
  4. Mold
  5. Dust
3. I am afraid of (again, select all that apply):
  1. Open flame 
  2. Sharp knives
  3. Burns
  4. Running water
  5. Whirlpools
  6.  Mold
  7. Germs
  8. Other (list as many as necessary): ______________________
4. Please agree or disagree with the following statements:
  1. Y/N  My arms could use some toning exercises.
  2. Y/N  Clutter makes me twitchy.
  3. Y/N  I don't do windows.
  4. Y/N  When ironing, it's important to get the creases exactly right.
  5. Y/N  I find scrubbing a shower extremely satisfying.
  6. Y/N I prefer oven mitts to rubber gloves.
  7. Y/N I make an excellent roast chicken with root vegetables.
5. Choose a safe word:
  1. Lasagne
  2. Windex
  3. Grout
  4. Starch
  5. Brisket
  6. Swiffer

Aaaand that's all I've got so far.

A friend of mine said that really, safe words should be easy to say and be one syllable. So "pommes frites," for example, is not ideal.

If you have any suggestions, I’d certainly be open to them.

And hi, it's Monday!


  1. 1) Blender
    2) Pet Dander
    3) Sinkholes (how was this not on the list?!?!!)
    5) Bundt

    1. Oh, you are so right! Such good suggestions, and how could I forget, because one could open up right below us AT ANY MOMENT? And bundt has me laughing so hard.

  2. The list for #2 should include "dairy"...

    1. You are right. And maybe lactose intolerance, even if not full-on dairy allergy?

  3. ok I read the dungeon entry again and I dont think I understand what the bidness is all about. But if I can help you interview just let me know :)

    1. Lynn, my dear, this is an exercise in ridiculousness, and there's no reason anyone needs to get it. It's my imaginary S&M dungeon for when I quit my day job. And I thought, well, if I'm going to have a dungeon, I should find clients who like to do household chores like ironing and cooking and scrubbing. I can dress in leather and stand on their feet in spiky heels while they iron Nick's shirts and cook us dinner. For example.

      That's all. Aren't you glad you asked?:)

    2. it sick that I actually enjoy house work? You could wear sweats and a tee shirt, sans bra and makeup and I would still get all of my chores done. You could concentrate on those other clients who dont have such a great work ethic as me :)

    3. Sick? Um. It makes me want to say this to you: PLEASE MOVE IN WITH US AND STAY FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER!!!

  4. you. are. nuts.

    that is all.


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