I don't know if humor is learned or genetic, but I have, for a long time, believed in humor chemistry. Either your sense of humor clicks with someone else's or it doesn't. And, much like that elusive I-want-to-kiss-you chemistry, there's nothing to be done about it if it's not there.
Although truly, if you don't find this post funny - if, rather, it offends your sensibilities and makes you want to keep your pets and children far, far from people like me, I can't fault you.
Yesterday The Director was talking about cleaning out his apartment to move. He said he has a closet full of plastic bags. Which I suggested he recycle.
He said that actually, he will use them.
And I said, "Oh, for drowning kittens?"
Before you hate me - I would never, ever advocate drowning kittens. It just fell out of my mouth. I could just as easily have said babies. Which I know is pure terrible. I don't know why I say these things.
Thankfully, I don't shock or offend my friends. At least, not often.
Yesterday my friend T and I were out walking her dog. Her dog, who is tall and thin and black and beautiful and lovely and playful and likes everyone and, while he worships the shit out of her, doesn't get all territorial.
The Director asked if I realize I am clearly describing him as the opposite of Kaylie. And here I thought I was just giving the facts as they are.
So T asked how things were going with Kaylie. I said that since I am the human and she is the dog, I'm supposed to be the bigger person and make an effort to get her to like me. The Director asked me to do this for him.
The problem is, I just don't want to. It's not that I don't like him - I do. And feel for her; I know that her little world has been rocked. She used to have all of his time and attention, and now she doesn't. I do feel bad for her.
But by the same token, I feel like I have enough on my plate right now without having to work to win over a spoiled dog. Seriously.
So I described my dog frustrations and T sympathized.
And then she said, "Well, how old is she? Is there any chance she'll drop dead anytime soon?"