Thursday, June 07, 2007

She can't cook, and she'll probably force your child relatives to sew, but her dowry is decent and she has all her teeth

My father is trying to marry me off.

When I was in high school, I started having the sneaking suspicion that my parents were unconsciously amassing a dowry for me. I would get a piece of gold - earrings, a bangle, a ring - for every birthday and for Christmas. I really think my parents had gotten into the Indian gold as an investment mindset. End result, I have some lovely adornments.

As you know, I grew up in cultures with arranged marriage. I believe that he'd have arranged my marriage so long ago if he could.

The first year B and I were together, my friend Jane (Philadelphia Jane) had a birthday party for me and invited my parents. My dad and B were sitting in a corner, swilling cocktails and plotting. They were trying to figure out why I was having trouble committing and what could be done about it.

I am not even kidding.

One of my friends overheard the conversation, and we decided it had to be stopped. So Jane sent this beautiful, if slightly silly, blonde woman over to chat with them.

They saw through it immediately. They shooed her away. They were talking business and were not to be disrupted. B and my father, not so different in many ways.

So now it turns out that every time my dad has a new doctor during this current hospitalization, he interviews them. As marriage candidates. I am certain word has gotten out in the hospital. Single male doctors probably avoid him.

When they took out my dad's stomach tube a few weeks ago they did something wrong, and he wound up with a huge abscess. So a new doctor was called in to fix it.

My dad, who was in a great deal of pain, apparently worked through the pain and got the details immediately. Med school? Stanford. Class standing? Graduated top of his class. Age? 38 years old. Married? Yes, married.

My dad said, "Too bad! My daughter is gorgeous! Are you happily married?"

One of the nurses was horrified, the other was amused.

He called today to say he has a new prospect. Another handsome Indian doctor - North Indian, from Chandigarh, and even better looking than Dr. Garg. And dresses really well. And this one? Single.

His nurse - the one who heard him interview the Stanford doctor - had taken him down for an MRI and as she was taking him back up from this most recent medical procedure/marriage interview, she said she couldn't believe he was running around the hospital looking for marriage prospects.

"Why not? These men are well educated!"

She had to agree.

"But you know," he said, "First I screen them for sense of humor. If they have no sense of humor, they're out."

She laughed and said, "You're crazy."

And he? God bless him. He responded, "Well, none of us have any doubts about that."


  1. Aaahhhh... dads. They can be so funny. :-)

  2. haha that's great... why do parents do that? when i was in egypt my dad would get offered 1000 camels for my hand in marriage. he almost gave me away once! said he really wanted to start a camel ranch...

  3. VVK - And you know where I am coming from with this one!

    H - 1,000 camels - that's some cash! Thankfully he kept you!

  4. I understand that NBC is looking to hire Dad as the host of its new reality/game show, "Who Wants to Marry a Blogger?"

    The early audition episodes should be specatacular. Like when Sanjaya shows up, and Dad hurls him bodily from the building.

    What? I'm sure it's better than The Ex-Wives Club.

  5. your dad sounds like a hoot!

  6. Aww, I think it's adorable. And so funny.

    I had a crush on one of the oncologists' treating my Dad. So very "rescue me".

  7. I know this is wrong, but when I read the first sentence of this post...My father is trying to marry me off....I thought "What? On the psyche ward?"

    Being a Jewish mother of sorts, you'd think my mind would have immediately thought "doctors."

    I've been living away from civilization too long.

  8. WiB - That would be excellent, actually. My dad is terrible at being retired, and he loves to perform.

    Moosie - He can be very charismatic and entertaining when he wants to.

    HKW - That is very "rescue me" - I've done that before.

    DCup - That made me laugh out loud. Yeah, what kind of Jewish mother are you? We've got to get you out of Georgia. The options - heroin addicts, psychotics, etc - not so good. No, no, he headed straight for the doctors. He's still very astute, that man.

  9. He's right. It is hard to find educated men. I come from a background with zero traditions, besides alcoholism, and I ended up marrying a man my oldest brother chose for me.

    I told him that if it doesn't work out he has to replace him with someone else, that's the deal.


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