Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The concentration of a. . .hey, look, a ladybug!

I cannot concentrate. I am distracted by the smallest thing.

Really. I am currently just completely unable to focus for more than, oh, 71 seconds at a time, it seems.

I have work to do. I have thinky stuff I'm supposed to be doing. It's the kind of thing that requires you to sit down and read and process information and then write about it in some kind of cohesive and at least marginally compelling way.

Right. So, I open the document of notes that I've put together. And I get halfway down the page. And then am all, "More coffee would be great!"

So I get more coffee. And sit down and look at my monitor. And I look at the words.

Which is when I realize I need to pee. Or I need more water. Or both.

And the cycle repeats.

There is stuff I really really really need to do. Like, really. Really. Honestly and truly.

And instead?

I'm considering the logistics of covering myself in Vaseline and then wrapping my entire body in saran wrap and going to bed that way. It worked so nicely on my feet. Why not try?

But then I wonder. Would my skin wind up super moisturized in the morning? Or would it fall off? Can you over-moisturize? Is it dangerous if most of the skin on your body can't breathe for 8 hours? Does that matter? And would I ruin the sheets?

When really, I should probably be asking myself things like, jeez, Lisa, why the fuck can't you just focus and get this damn thing done?

No answer. To any of the above.

And now I need some more water.



  1. Wow - those are serious considerations. Could you even go to work the next day, if your skin peeled off? And how would Nick react, if you were to show up in bed wearing Saran Wrap (even if it is the pretty, Easter colored kind)? Some days, it's really best to let your mind wander, and just contemplate your pedicure in the restroom until it's time to go home. Good luck with your project though!

  2. Hahaha - contemplating my pedicture in the restroom! And actually, I do need a pedicure...As for Nick, I'm sure he'd have the same question about the sheets, and beyond that, be all whatever, Lis, whatever.

  3. You need to take a day off and sit by the pool to think about these things.

    And my grandma used to cover herself with vaseline at night. Not a pretty picture. I wouldn't advise.

    I got this really sweet smelling body lotion that would be MUCH better for sleeping---it's got something like acai berries in it...and smells YUMMY.

  4. You need to get yourself an assistant to do all the icky thinky stuff.

    It worked for my boss.

  5. Don't forget James Bond's "Goldfinger" where the female lead is "covered in gold paint and succumbs to epidermal suffocation."

    Maybe the thought of a vaseline- induced death will snap you into concentrating . . . ha!


  6. I'm guessing you could pay a "professional" to do that vaseline/saran wrap thing for a supervised few hours, if not overnight. It might require that you use a fake name, but still, it might be worth it if you end up soft as a baby's bottom all over.

    Please don't tell Betty that I suggested this.

  7. Janie - That sounds delicious! And probably less destructive in terms of sheets.

    lacochran - Ohh, funny in a not funny way, and so true for so much of the world.

    LJ - I have ALWAYS wanted to be covered in gold paint that way. So damn cool.

    DCup - Hahahaha. But maybe I should try this at a spa. Different kind of professional, but still.

  8. Not sure about wrapping all of you in vaseline but I can vouch for it on the feet ...

    The concentration thing will fix itself - usually at around 3 am with great urgency, a compelling need to write coupled with sheer panic in case you loose the thread that woke you up.


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