Friday, June 27, 2008

Sympathy boobs

"What's going on with your boobs?"

This is what a friend asked the other day. She'd noticed them at a happy hour. A couple friends did. Because they're noticeable.

They actually stick out. I actually have cleavage. Lately, this happens one or two weeks out of each month. Which is a lot, when months only have four weeks.

If you are used to having particularly sticky-outy boobs, you are probably used to living life around them. For me, though, they're in my way, they're sore, and they're just annoying the crap out of me.

And no, I'm not pregnant. That's not where I'm going with this, I promise. Let me take this opportunity to assure you that if and when I actually do get knocked up, I'll tell you straight out.

I'm pretty sure pregnancy is to blame, however.

I blame two women in my office, one of whom, Tej, is a really good friend of mine, for my current breast situation. Because, you see, they're pregnant. Tej is across the office from me, but the other one sits down the hall.

The one down the hall was secretly pregnant, until suddenly, four months in, hello! Pop!

So there's all this hormoney pregnantness swirling around. And there has been for months. These stealth hormones have been sneaking over and screwing with me. I just didn't know it.

I'm almost certain that I have sympathy boobs - in the same way that I'm a period slut.

It'd be one thing if they just got bigger. That would be kind of cool, actually. But the problem is, they're all hurty. Really sore. Walking down the street I feel them with every step. I've been fighting with them, and they are not happy with me.

If I could take them off and leave them at home, I so seriously would. Fuckers.

And so the other day Tej IMed me. She was going to come over.

And I was all, "Oh, no. You keep your pregnancy hormones on your side of the office. I have enough trouble as it is."


  1. yah, my last pills gave me cleavage and no pain... i'd never had cleaveg in my life. when i switched pills i was very bummed because they instantly went away but now for a few weeks i get lots of soreness and none of the cleavage. total bust. for this, and MANY other, reason i don't recommend my pills

  2. Have you been drinking the office coffee? I suspect there's something pregnanty in the water.

  3. I'm not one to compare apples and watermelons, but....

    Add a little water retention to mine and they are positively OBSCENE. While I feel for you, I'm still tempted to one-up you on this. :)

  4. Maiden Metallurgist - Yes, the worst! Stupid sympathy boobs.

    notsojenny - What a bummer to trade cleavage for soreness! So unfair! I'm not a pill girl - every time I've tried the effect has ranged from puffiness and mood swings to serious crazy. Hormones make me nutso.

    lacochran - I DO drink the office coffee, now that you mention it! Ha!

    FreckledK - HAHA - we are definitely comparing apples to watermelons and I am certain you are not even exaggerating! It's not that mine are large even now in the world scheme of things, but since I'm not used to them, I keep bumping them. And since they're all hurty, it seems like they're ginormous.

  5. Painful boobs are the worst. It's like you want to enforce a 5 foot buffer zone around yourself, just to avoid any inadvertent (or advertent) contact or bumping, and scream "BACK OFF" at anyone who comes near you. Try 800mg of ibuprofen -- it usually works for me.

  6. I hate it when my boobs make me aware of them. I hope everything gets back to normal soon!

  7. i hate walking up the stairs with hurty boobs. i mean, do they really have to move that much?! I feel your pain, at least this week. maybe i'm having sympathy boobs, too

  8. I laughed that you clarified you weren't pregnant after starting your post with "she'd noticed them at happy hour."

    I am right there with you on the hurty boobs though. :( And what about the bras that are suddenly a little tighter and a little more hurty too?

  9. hehe... you said boobs. :-)

  10. Hahaha, hormoney pregnantness, well put! :)
    I have recently learned (from Julie's archives over at to refer to this enormous-due-to-nursing rack as my "majestic prow." There really is no better term for it.

  11. I'd blame Nick too a bit. My boobs went up nearly a cup size and I had to get new bras once Dan and I got serious. This did not happen with any previous men in my life. In fact, given their reaction to Dan, I'm surprized they didn't literally shrink away from some of those guys.
    It's hard not to be hyper aware even of bigger small ones especially when they are hurty. After i got pregnant and they really began to show, I would nearly knock people over while checking them out in shop windows as I walked.

  12. Wnedy - I popped some ibuprofen yesterday and it helped. No idea why I didn't lump this in with other kinds of pain. Thank you!

    DCup - Yes. They should just stay in place quietly and not complain. Thank you!

    moosie - I know! It feels like punishment, doesn't it? You probably do have virtual sympathy boobs. :)

    Jenn - I read that and laughed out loud. Um, you are totally right. I don't know, but I keep cinching up my bras to keep them from moving, and the whole thing is just uncomfortable all around.

    VVK - You know that now I am totally saying it to you in person just to see you go "hehe" :).

    A.S. - "Majestic prow" - I LOVE this! I am going to have to tell my nursing friends about this new term. And thanks for that and a new site for me to check out!

    Maude!!! - HAHAHAHA- yes, some of those dreadful bastards *should* have caused your boobs to shrivel up and run the other direction immediately. As for the checking yourself out and nearly knocking people over - I imagine I would be the same way.

  13. yet another reason for gentleman to open doors, and pay the check.

    hope you feel better soon.

  14. aw i'm sorry. sore boobs suck. it was the way i knew i was pregnant, they hurt so bad! hope they stop soon!

  15. aw i'm sorry. sore boobs suck. it was the way i knew i was pregnant, they hurt so bad! hope they stop soon!

  16. Wow that's new... I'm sorta anticipating my boobs at pregnancy now LOL.. may be a problem


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