Thursday, June 25, 2009

The kind of existential crisis one never imagines having

Forgive me for going on about this again today. But this is the kind of stupidity that just makes your head explode.

It turns out Nick's big "we exist!" argument yesterday took place at the Post Office.

The only really funny part is the idea of a man who never, ever has existential crises having an enormous one in a public office.

A number of people got involved. All save one of whom were unhelpful.

Because our house does not exist.

I really would've liked to have seen Nick in action with this one.

"Don't tell me my house doesn't exist! Tell me you don't know what to do! Tell me it's DC government! Tell me it's a new situation for you! But DO NOT tell me my house doesn't exist!"

I thought it was on the phone. With how angry he is recounting it, I know this was loud and public and ugly.

Finally a woman at the PO called our council member's office. They and Nick have exchanged messages. Nick's now out of town, and I've taken over the fight to prove our very existence.

Our mortgage lenders and such cannot have their documents returned with "No Such Address" or whatever the fuck they stamp on it.

I just left a message.

"Hi, this is Lemon Gloria. You and my husband, Nick Gloria, exchanged messages yesterday about our newly purchased property, House Number Street Name - the one the Post Office refuses to deliver mail to because they claim it does not exist. . ."

We are so not naming the kid Ryan.


  1. Fight on! They seriously would try to take your first born. Meanies.

  2. One of my friends had this problem when they built a house. I'll have to ask her how they resolved it. How frustrating!
    Oh, and most of the Ryans I've had....they've been bad. I didn't want to say anything.....

  3. I think you should track Ryan down and tell him this is all his fault and he better fix it and make it snappy.

  4. As much as I loved parts of living in DC when I was there, its stories like this that remind me of why I'm now living in a town so small that we don't have our own zip code.

  5. i love that you called him "Nick Gloria"

    and i believe you guys exist... at least as much as any of us exist, or something like that

  6. As annoying as it would be to have to do this... would it make sense to set up, in the interim, a P.O. Box? Just for a month or two, until you're sure this is all resolved?

    I cannot believe they are trying to make this a problem with YOU, when it is so clearly a problem with the system.

    Though one wonders if the PO gods sensed that you weren't considering Ryan seriously enough, and that's why this is happening? Maybe that guy is a favored acolyte, or something.

  7. LMAO. Not naming the kiddo Ryan. You rock. :)

  8. HKW - You said it! Meanies! And stupidies!

    Jules - And this house has been in existence for more than 100 years! It's gotten mail somewhere along the way! Honestly.

    And I only know one kid named Ryan. He is incredibly bright and cute but as I understand it from his parents, a massive handful - and gets in trouble a lot at school.

    Hillary - That Ryan was so sweet! What's he doing among all those rude idiot asswipe fucktards?

    Al in the County - Sigh, sigh. I love living in DC, and a long time ago I decided it was worth the hassle of more expensive car insurance, more taxes for fewer services, etc. But this kind of thing just makes me lose my everlovin' mind!!!

    notsojenny - Thank you! I believe you exist as much as any of us as well.

    Dagny - You are a smarty pants, as is Nick. He has one he hasn't's just that all the mortgage stuff has been directed to the place they just financed for us. But perhaps will need to be redirected.

    It's so hard to wrap my mind around PO gods in this moment...PO djinns?

    swaaaan - Why, thank you! :)

  9. Maybe it would be worth tracking Ryan the postman down and seeing if he can pull strings? After all, you've got the cute pregnant belly on your side, and his desire to name the kid Ryan! Go after the PO with an insider?

  10. call your councilman, call the press. the only way these incompetent dc dolts ever get off their ass is if they think someone important might here about their laziness/incompetence.

  11. I just hit myself in the face with a big red rubber ball, a la Jason Schwartzman, if it makes you feel any better.


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