Monday, October 01, 2007

And the final installment

I promise, this is the last piece of the story about the "what's wrong with you?" date.

I got a call from him the day after we went out.

He left a message. He'd had a great time. And would I like to go out again sometime next week?

Since I didn't return his message within a couple hours, he called again. And then again. And once again. And, you guessed it, again the next day. At which point I really really really was never going to call him back.

So I sent a polite email. I thanked him for dinner. I'd said I'd had a nice time, but really, I didn't think we were particularly well-suited. I wished him well.

And I got an immediate phone call. Which I let go to voicemail. I only listened to the beginning of the message, which was, "Clearly, you're screening your calls."

And then I received an email. Which said, "And to add to my voicemail: I have to assume this is about attraction. And if you weren't attracted to me, don't you think it was unfair to let me buy you an expensive dinner?"

I swear, that's practically verbatim what he said.

I considered a variety of angry responses:

1. I offered to pay, asshole, both for the drinks earlier and for dinner later. You absolutely declined both times. Because going out with someone for "free" dinner? Is something I never do. I value my time more than that.

2. Are you kidding me? Unfair? Just because you bought me dinner doesn't obligate me to anything. If you buy someone two dinners then what do you think they owe you?

3. Are you out of your bloody mind? Stop calling me, take your anger and inflict it on someone else. Christ, go push women with strollers out of the way on the sidewalk or something. Might make you feel better.

But I took a bit of time to think about it. Truthfully, I was afraid he'd keep calling. Clearly, he wasn't afraid to call. And he was so angry. I couldn't just not respond, but I didn't want to provoke him.

So I wrote a very nice email complimenting him about a couple things that I'd liked about him - and sincerely, because he definitely has positive attributes. I said that it was not about attraction, but rather about the fact that it seems to me that if he doesn't get what he wants immediately, he will push until he does. And I don't want to be pushed.

To which I got a very nice, profusely apologetic response. And an explanation for his behavior.

I believe he is a decent person. With a lot of anger and a lot of issues. I believe he meant his kind response. But I also believe his objective was to get me to do what he wanted. Like, hmm, impressing her with my importance didn't work, and neither did bullying. But maybe I can play on her sympathy.

Playing on my sympathy? Are you kidding me? That stopped working a whole, oh, I don't know, year ago.

I didn't delete him from my phone, even though he said that if he didn't hear back from me, he wouldn't contact me again. Because that, I don't entirely believe.


  1. I am surprised he had "an explanation" for such rude behavior? Although you rose above it all I would have hit him with number one and two.

  2. Sean - Honestly, I just didn't want to provoke more, and so the most graceful response was also the easiest way out.

  3. wow! that is scary. i mean, i can understand when someone gets an ego bruise... but wow. i'm impressed that you were able to just tell it like it is.

  4. I just consulted my DSM-IV-TR and have officially diagnosed him with Borderline Personality Disorder.

    OK, kidding, I didn't actually consult the DSM. But he sounds batshit crazy. And batshit crazy is my official, clinical diagnosis. ;)

    And by the way, you responded with total class, per usual. :)

  5. Are you sure -- and by sure, I mean really, really sure -- that you didn't lead him on, drop clues, and effect motions and actions that caused this male to believe something frisky might be in the offing down the post-dinner-or-two road? Specifically, did you, at any time, whether during pre-dinner invitation drinks or while in TV studio country or within the confines of automobile conveyance, tap your feet several times and run your hand along the underside of an invisible divider at or near ankle level? Because, you know, in some quarters those are telltale signs of an interest in romp-like stuff, as described in the media.

  6. Playing on your sympathy? I thought the "mercy fcuk" was just an urban legend.

    And you're tool date reminds me of something I read where a guy on J-Date didn't get a second date and he sent repeated voicemails and emails wanting to get reimbursed for the date. You can find it on "The Google" complete with wav files of the messages. HA!

  7. Jess - Thanks. I hadn't had anyone do that to me, and it freaked me out. As did his level of anger.

    Almost - I believe both your diagnoses :)! And thank you.

    Anon - Gosh, now that you mention it, I probably did, although only in the bathroom. I didn't mean anything by it, though. And I always vote with my values.

    HIN - Yikes. Must look that up.

  8. That guy is a crazypants.

  9. I am astonished that people actually act this way, though I guess I shouldn't be anymore. Kudos to you for not going postal and ripping this guy a new one, though...I admire your patience!

  10. mm - Hahaha! Yes, a crazypants is a good description.

    moosie - I didn't want to provoke any further anger. I've never had someone call so relentlessly.

  11. wow you handled that very well. i had this happen but with my ex. for three years. he was definately a "crazypants" like your date. getting harassed is terribly intrusive and stressful.


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