Tuesday, November 03, 2009

And then I turned into one of those women

We got back late last night. The trip was spectacular and Jordan was amazing, and I have photos to post but not much time right now.

But I must post this little tale, as it is at the top of my mind. And I must write it down so I can refer back to it regularly.

Like in moments of weakness or duplicity.

So on Saturday night at the wedding reception I was talking to Jane's sister. She was asking about pregnancy, how it went for me.

And I, I kid you not, I said, "It was pretty good, actually."

I honestly said this.

"Really? What about nausea?"

"Well, I was kind of nauseous at the beginning, but it didn't last long. And then at the very end I was huge and it was hot, so that was a little difficult. But overall, it wasn't bad."

"Interesting. A lot of my friends had a much harder time."

"It's really just the beginning and end that are hard. Most of it was good."

"So you liked being pregnant?"

And you know how you might be drunk or fading off to sleep or in some slightly altered state, and then one specific thing - a noise, a light, a something - just snaps you back to the cold hard present?

That's what this question did for me.

I clutched her arm. "I can't believe I just completely fucking lied to you! I lied! I've become one of those women!"

"What are you talking about?"

"I hated being pregnant! I hated it, all of it. The nausea sucked. The hugeness sucked. I hated being big and fat and waddly and uncomfortable."

She laughed. "That sounds more normal."

"Yes! But now I've become one of those 'pregnancy is great!' women! The ones I wanted to stab once I was in it and miserable and said it sucked and suddenly they were all, 'yeah, it really does suck'."

I took her by the shoulders. I looked her in the eye. "If you ever hear me saying pregnancy is great, would you just pinch me very hard?"

The Hell? Is THIS what they mean by pregnancy amnesia?


  1. It's not so bad because you know the end result. That's what it is. You have Jordan and he was so worth all the rest.

    BTW, I really DID enjoy my pregnancy (stab me if you must).

  2. I am SO, SO glad you came to your senses. Whew! Though to be fair, you didn't say it was GREAT. You just said that "it wasn't bad", and that "most of it was good".

    But perhaps it's so hard to reconcile that suckiness with adorable Jordan, and that's why your brain is trying to tell people it was awesome?

  3. As I started reading that I began to wonder if all "The Pregnant" posts were lies, but the end brought the world back into its proper order. I know you've seen this, but it bears repeating: http://garfunkelandoates.com/music/clips/7/pregnant-women-are-smug/

    Just cut and past and laugh.

  4. My wife always says that the pregnancy was awful and that she absolutely hated being sick, being tired, getting some odd rash, and hearing that she was big. BUT, she honestly had a pretty easy labor and delivery so she tells everyone that it wasn't that bad.

    And now, since my son actually sleeps and is pretty laid back, she's already talking about doing it all over again...I, however, am not.

  5. cla517 - For the people who actually DID enjoy their pregnancies (and I don't understand it, but it makes me envious), no stabblng. It's the people who hated them and didn't tell you before you joined the club.

    Dagny - You are astute. I think this is exactly right.

    Hillary - Dude, it terrified me.

    swaaaan - Thanks. :)

  6. Oops! Hit publish too fast.

    FoggyDew - THAT was fantastic. Thank you so much!

    I have thoughts - I understand. It's her body, but you're going to have to live through all of it along with her. And while Jordan is the best thing ever in my life, he is a LOT of work.

  7. hahaha!
    that's more like it.
    everyone i know has told the yucky details but no one is completely honest saying how uncomfortable it is, and the pain, and just all the REALLY shitty things that come along with it.
    glad you snapped out of it! that pregnancy amnesia is a bitch.

  8. yeah i was never one of those glowy chipper pregnant ladies. being pregnant does suck. hard.

  9. I'm with Dagny, that unbelievably adorable child of yours is like a little bundle of Xanax wrapped cuteness - good feelings just absorb through your skin and shut off certain reality receptors in the brain.

  10. It actually makes me feel *much* better to hear women say this. The whole concept of pregnancy freaks me out, and if there was any way around it, I would so opt out. I'm just not one of those women that yearns to carry a baby. Those women, the ones that do yearn, always make me feel like I'm going to be such a horrible mother. Knowing that it sucks and women hate it makes me feel better!

  11. Haha! Hilarious! Now that you mention it just yesterday someone asked me how labour was and I said "oh you know, fine" And afterwards I thought "what, FINE? It was fucking torture! 32 hours of pure hideousness!"

  12. Hahaha! If you figure out how you were claimed by the pregnancy amnesia, please let me know. I'll need it if we decide to have more kids. Friends of mine ask me how pregnancy was and I always start with, "Well, do you want to have kids in the future?"

    Glad you had a great time!

  13. did you tell her about the gas? I hear it's awful.

  14. You and Jane look gorgeous! Good boob dress by the way! (-:


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