Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The wipe warmer. Or, promoting happy bottoms. And other bits.

OK, so a friend of mine was over the other day, and I was changing Big J's butt, and she was all, "Really, Lis? A wipe warmer?"

She is not the first person.

(Also, I have taken to calling him Big J. When I'm not calling him J-Dog. Or Snoochybottom.)

So, yes, we have a wipe warmer.

A number of people have made fun of us for it. For the ridiculous American propensity to come up with a gadget for every possible thing - and for us for falling for it.

Let me tell you, I was fully in the Wipe Warmers are Ridiculous camp.

Until we had another Gas Emergency.

We had this crisis way back when I was still fully in the throes of C-section recovery. Because we needed one more fucking thing to complicate our lives.

It turns out the fucking stove had never been installed properly. I mean from way back years before we bought it. And so the gas leak, it was in the wall. Not the top of the stove where the DC Gas Emergency Man found it. I mean, it was there, too. But we had that fixed.

So in our second Gas Emergency, they shut off the gas to the whole goddamn house. No gas for you!

Which for us means not only no stove, but no dryer, no hot water, no I can't even remember what else.

And if I can just bring it up one more time, this was back in the vagina squarching days. And unlike some people, while it sounds good in theory on a hot day, I learned that I am not one who finds a cold blast of water to the hoo-ha to be remotely refreshing.

Which then made me think about my boy and his little boy bits, and how they were being swiped 54 times a day with what I had previously considered cool, refreshing, moist little wipes.

Eeeeeee! Coldcoldcold! Terrible!

I ordered a wipe warmer that very minute.

And I am very much, laugh if you want, call me a big old American consumer...But just you try a jolt of coldycold on your most private parts and see how you like it.


  1. I'm right there with you! I thought it was stupid until my husband put a cold wipe on my stomach to clean up some spit up. We went to Target the same day to get one.

  2. For best effectiveness, Nuva Rings are kept the fridge. That's a cold no blanket will warm up.

  3. Amen, it's like the lube warmer at the doctors.

  4. And now, I'm left to pondering whether the water in a bidet is cold, or if it's warmed. If it's warmed, how warm does it get? What if it gets hot? Who's to decide whether something is "pleasantly warm" or @#$#%& hot?

    These are important questions. We need answers!

    Also, you're an awesome mom. And, this will be EXCELLENT guilt fodder when he's older.

  5. At the risk of TMI, I will admit to using baby wipes. On myself. What, I like a clean booty! I actually thought recently "man, it sure would be nice to have a wipe warmer." I'll probably never buy one for me, I'll continue to hide the wipes in the bathroom drawer, but I made a mental note to buy one when I have a baby.

  6. no wonder babies don't let getting their diaper changed!
    i've added this to my list of "future baby necessities"

  7. hehe

    so i gotta ask, what do you do when you are out? is he down with cold wipes then?

  8. Call me selfish or ridiculous or both but wipe warmers sound like another sort of thing, like clothes with snaps which come on and off easily and pajamas with feet, which should be made for adults. Not just babies.

  9. Oh great, now I will forever be known as the Cold Vagina Squarcher.

    Some People

  10. the baby wipe warmer (dubbed the Butt Warmer) generated a few chuckles when it arrived at my friend's shower, but we quickly decided it was totally ingenious, and tried to figure out how we might co-opt it for adult use.

    Adult as in grown-up, not adult as in bow-chicka-wow-wow. Just so we're clear. Because that's just weird.

  11. Who knew those existed? I asked my friend about the warmer at lunch, and she got one for her son too. I'm sure the neighboring table really appreciated hearing the gory details :-)
    I agree with Lisa above, those wipes are nice for adults too (and I also don't leave them out in the guest bathroom, for everyone to see and comment on).

  12. I totally want a wipe warmer ... for myself.

  13. Luna - They are shockingly cold, aren't they?! Love the warmer.

    Sealz - That is a coldy cold in a very warm place! Yikes!

    Sophie - Yes. Amen.

    Dagny - Huh. You know, I have no idea. I imagine cold, but I've never been a bidet user, even when we had them overseas. And you are right - how hot would be over the line? Maybe there are two taps so you can adjust?

    lisa - There is no such thing as TMI in my world, really. Those wipes are a fantastic product for all ages, they really are.

    notsojenny - I know! You're all warm in your pants and suddenly they are ripped off and you have a cold towelette applied to your ass!

    mrsmac - If Nick is there, he warms them in his giant hands. My hands are just too small to do the task.

    HKW - I agree with you entirely. Not selfish - practical! Very practical!

    Susan - Um, how could I resist? Really.

    Brian - I think it's really funny that that immediately became the topic. It took me a long time for it to occur to me.

    Susan H - Neighboring tables can either mind their own business or revel in gory details. They probably enjoyed them. Well, depending on how gory.

    Hillary - They'll set you back about 25 (if I recall) bucks at Target. And you could always say it was for your puppies, no?

  14. Ok, I hope everyone who uses wipes for adult uses gets the flushable kind (regular baby wipes aren't flushable)... Because even if they made diaper pails for adults, that's just too icky to contemplate.

  15. We have a wipe warmer as well. I got it from a neighbor who gave me a bunch of baby stuff when Zeke was born. I thought it was silly and put it away in a closet, and in warm Hawaii, never saw the need. But it is cooooold in Colorado, and after Josie howled in fury the first time I wiped her with a cold wipe, I busted out the wipe warmer. It's a great little gadget.

  16. I love the warmer-sure beats balling them up in your fist to get them warm. Apart from the obvious, I love to use them to take make-up off. :)

  17. one of the greatest inventions of baby stuff. second quite possibly only to the diaper genie.

  18. I think that makes you MOM of the YEAR! Because when I went in for my colonoscopy last week and they put a warm blanket on me, I fell in love with my nurse. Just sayin'.


Tell me about it.