Friday, November 05, 2010


This is Bear. Beah! Beah! Beeeeaaaaah!

Also, just over his shoulder you can see our fabulous alarm system. The one that alerts the alarm company, rather than being linked to a model of our house down at the police station.


So, Beah!

To be very honest, all stuffed animals are currently Bear. But two of them actually are bears. And the donkey, the penguin, and the not-quite-sure-what-it-is-so-I-call-him-Blue don't seem to mind.

This one is Jordan's favorite Bear.

I made Bear at a free Build-a-Bear station in the convention hall of the conference I went to in August. Steve, my conference husband, also has a son and he was all YES LISA GET IN LINE WE WANT FREE BEARS.

He was all about stocking up on free shit. The bears turned out to be awesome.

The weird little fan thingy water mister pen? Not as awesome.

So we stood in a long, long line and when it was my turn I was handed a bear. A very limp bear. With thread hanging off his back.

I was weighing whether to ask if I'd gotten a defective bear or to suck it up, because, free! when I realized that they start out half-stuffed. Part of the process is having them stuff your bear.

So they ram the bear onto a pipe attached to what looks like a huge concession popcorn stand. The stuffing fluffs around in this machine and shoots straight into the back of your bear.

It's kind of a violent-looking process, actually.

So while it's being stuffed, they have you pick a heart out of a bucket, ask you who the bear is for, and tell you to think of your son and make a wish for him and kiss the heart. Which they ultimately stick in the bear and then pull the threads and close him up.

In retrospect, I wish I'd said, "Me. I have a thing for bears." and made it all awkward.

However, I said, "Jordan, my son." And then got all teared up.

But back to the heart. Before closing up your bear, they have you do a bunch of stupid shit like touch it to your forehead with it so he's smart, touch your elbow so he's flexible, touch your knee so he needs you...

And I should've known then and there that I was sliding into a bad place.

Because I did all of this very sincerely. The forehead, the elbow, the knee, whatever other ridiculous shit they asked me to do. I was all, "I'm going to make him the Best Bear Ever!"

Whereas Steve was all rolling his eyes and muttering, "Oh Jesus Christ could they just give us the fucking free bear already?"

It wasn't until we were dressing our bears in the promotional shirts and sunglasses and guitars - seriously - and I turned to Steve and said, "What did you name yours?" that he was all, "Who ARE you and what have you done with Lisa?"


  1. I kind of love that you got so into it. I probably would have been all eye-rolly and judgey like Steve. It really is the best bear.

  2. He is a Most Adorable Bear.

    But... is his name pronounced with a Boston accent? Because it looks as though it might be, and that cannot bode well for anyone.

    I'm glad you had fun with it. Time well spent!

  3. Ah, Hillary, it was so not ME to be all into that. The real me is all eye rolley. And yet, there I was, sniffling and holding some stupid heart to my knee.

    Jessica - Oh, no! Maybe I should've written it more like Baaayyyhhh. It's not Boston at all. That would be horrible.

  4. I'm going to agree with the Boston accent thingy. And yes, I made my son a bear from the same place although I had to pay for mine (dang you got lucky, those suckers are EXPENSIVE!) and when I asked them to put just enough stuffing in him to make him ... a little better than limp I got the eye ball. You know what I'm talking about -- the crazy, what the hell is wrong with you eye ball. It was so LBM can carry it around easily and squish it all up. Which he is prone to doing before stuffing the bears nose in his mouth and chewing vigorously. God, isn't that why we love our kids? Heh. Little Clones!

  5. Ha! Hilarious. It sounds kinda gimmicky but also very cool! I want one too! (for my daughter, of course!) Its the kind of thing I imagine I'd really get into too but die of embarrassment if I got caught!

    And as for the light thing of your last post - I fully believe that sort of thing! I tried to comment and explain about the day my grandfather died, and the lights going on (that didn't usually work) and shining onto a painting of his favourite place. But I couldn't express it properly. Not sure I did just there but...

  6. What a cute bear. Part of me does also wish you'd told them you had a thing for bears though.

    Although it's probably better that you didn't...

  7. If it makes you feel better, my pup Boston has a dog from Build-A-Bear named Marley. Boston loathes Marley, he carries Marley in his mouth to the back door and doesn't tear apart other dog toys but has tried to tear off Marley's stuffed ears. So Marley lives under the bed.

  8. Hes sch a cute bear. I had my teddy I had got given when I was born and I still have it now all threadbear <<[intentional play on words] with no eyes and my dog got hold of him off my dresser when it was a puppy [the dog not the bear]and chewed half of one of his arms off. I was in my thirties and I cried when it happen I felt so guilty about it. I stitched it up and now he is an amputee bear. :-S. He will love that bear for ever and ever. It is special it was made with love not picked off a shelf.

  9. Moue - I have heard they are super expensive! And yes, squishable is better than too stuffed. I think it's hilarious that your kid sticks the nose in his mouth.

    Miranda - Oh, I bought it all, hook, line, and sinker. Squeezing that little heart with tears leaking out the sides of my eyes. How embarrassing.

    As for the lights, I absolutely believe it. You definitely explained it so I could see it.

    P - I know! Why didn't I think of it at the time??

    HKW - OK, picturing this really makes me giggle. Boston, who is so sweet, is all, "I hate that damn bear!"

    Go-Betty - It's astounding how much emotion we attach to childhood toys, isn't it? I love that you saved him and he's now an amputee. I'd have done the same thing.

  10. Build a Bear is like kiddie crack! My daughter BEGS to go there whenever we are in the mall. It's much cuter to see her doing all the forehead, heart stuff.

    When Jess was little she said bear like beer. We're in public and she sees a stuffed animal and goes "I love beer!" Made for some awkward moments.

  11. I'm not sure about the knee and elbow thing, but the heart thing? I would have been crying for sure.

    I still have my "shaggy dog," from when I was 3, and that was a l-o-n-g time ago. He hasn't been shaggy in decades, and has had all manner of surgeries. And yet I keep him.

  12. what's this about boston accents being horrible and all? ;)


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