It is ass-chilling cold here right now.
Seriously. I walk to work, and by the time I arrive, I can't feel my face or my butt. I was going to say it's like having tetanus, but I think the thing with tetanus is not that you can't feel, but that your muscles all lock up.
So maybe it just seems like I have tetanus when I say hello. Except that I can walk, and am not just all clenched-limbed with a grimace frozen on my face. In which case I wouldn't be at work anyway.
Sometimes I make myself tired. Because this is nowhere near my point.
My point is that it is cold, and I like to shower at night. And after taking a deliciously hot shower and then putting on my toasty slippers, I'm all warm and ready for sleep.
Until I mince down the long cold hallway and into bed. By which point my feet are little iceboxes. I don't know how it happens so fast, but it does.
I can't fall asleep with cold feet. Which naturally means I cuddle up to Nick and stick them on his legs.
So last night I got in bed all freezyfreezing and scooted over to his side and curled up so the bottoms of my feet could sit on top of his thighs. He flinched and maybe muttered a little profanity.
What always amazes me is how shocked he is by how cold my feet are. It's like that movie Memento - a new surprise every day.
So I said, "You know, if you really loved me, you'd let me put them under your ball sack. That's the warmest place on your body, you know."
To which he replied, "Well, is your face cold?"
Ha! Nice one, Nick.ReplyDelete
I do the same thing with my icy toes and Shawn's legs. Every time he flinches I tell him that if he'd just let me turn the thermostat up, my feet wouldn't be so damn cold. It's MATH! Or SCIENCE! Or something. But no, he remains the thermostat police and my toes remain cold.
Zing! I do it too. Josh hates it. Lately we've boith taken to sticking our hands in the greyhound's pits. He is a delightful little spaceheater.ReplyDelete
Um, you need to go out and get yourself some nice cozy fuzzy slippers! They make a nice stocking stuffer, Nick!ReplyDelete
But really, would you WANT to put your toes under his ball sack?
Nick FTW! Nothing left to say on that.ReplyDelete
@ Hillary - or....you could move somewhere where winter doesn't last nine months. That would eliminate the need to turn the heater up. Mostly.
I can't stop laughing. That sounds exactly like my husband.ReplyDelete
Hillary - Fair is fair and being cold is terrible. He should offer to warm your feet if he won't let you turn up the heat.ReplyDelete
Maiden Metallurgist - That's pretty hilarious. Poor dog has all four pits spoken for.
Luna - I have awesome slippers from Land's End. I love them! But still my feet are cold by the time I get in bed.
And absolutely. I mean, it's not where I want them in general, but I was totally thinking how toasty warm they would be.
FoggyDew - Yah, he kind of wins.
Also, Hillary kind of wins for living in Canada in terms of everything but cold and winter. Do you know what kind of amazing benefits those people have?
Lisa - I would hope your husband would be more gracious about the feet. :)
Whoa whoa whoa, just second! I feel like I should point out that I don't actually live in the cold part of Canada. I live in the wimpy part of Canada. It's 5 degrees today! That's (hold for conversion to American) 41 degrees! We just moan about the weather because it rains here non-stop for months on end. Other parts of Canada are hideous (I could never live in the Prairies or further East) but Vancouver is fairly mild. Mild but rainy. But we do have awesome benefits so everyone should pretty much move to Canada. The end.ReplyDelete
Argh. Blogger ate my comment, but I will try to replicate it accurately:ReplyDelete
See, this is where YOU say, "Well, it *might* be, but my feet are really too cold for me to focus on anything else. Who knows where I might refocus my energies once my feet are properly reheated?"
It's like the old joke about the wife who tells her husband no because she has an ob/gyn appointment the next day. His response? "Do you have a dentist appointment?"ReplyDelete
As for all you ladies who put your icy feet on your hubbys, Um. SOCKS.
Hillary - You're warmer than we are! Envy envy envy! Except for endless rain. That would really get me down. But maybe they give out free umbrellas in Canada? Because they're that awesome?ReplyDelete
Jessica - Grr on Blogger. As for your suggestion, a good one, except for the setting up of unrealistic expectations.
cla517 - Had not heard that joke. Sounds very guy.
As for SOCKS all I can say is NO! Socks don't work! I lie on my back and tuck my feet behind my knees. Once they're warm they stay warm. But just putting on socks does nothing to warm them. Seriously. They're brutal.
OMGosh I choked on my cup of tea reading this one........classic!! I love it. My arse is always cold in the winter, like freezing ice cold. An old Boyfriend used to gasp and flinch when I spooned into him to warm it up. He nicknamed it the Caboose and from there it has stuck. I now call it my cold caboose.ReplyDelete
We have had our first lot of rain yesterday in about 4 weeks so its stinking hot and humid at the moment. I am sending your feets lots of warm thoughts. (ps last winter I got myself some fluffy as bedsocks, oh the bliss they are wonderful things)
i do th same thing with my cold hands and feet, except it's to the point that if it's even slightly chilly out and i go to hug my husband his entire body clenches up because he's always expecting me to jam my freezing cold hands up his shirt. the things we do for love.
Hahahaha, loved this! That's all :)ReplyDelete
Can't beat a nice, warm ball sack in the winter!ReplyDelete
OMG!!! I've been laughing out loud all by myself at home. Tell Nick I love him, too frikking funny man! BTW- the warmest place is under the armpits. ok, back to laughing....ReplyDelete
It's the stories like this one that remind me that one of the reasons I like Nick so much is because he reminds me of MathMan. He rarely passes up that kind of opportunity to "suggest."ReplyDelete
This is exactly why I've trained the cat to sleep on my feet. But Ben makes an excellent substitute, should the cat be missing on a cold night...ReplyDelete
Oh my. Have I told you lately how perfect I think you two are for one another?ReplyDelete
This is why the two of you are married. And it's perfection.ReplyDelete
The inside of the ball sack is actually COOLER than the rest of the body, not warmer, though skin temperature is not necessarily reflective of that.ReplyDelete
Hey, I've gotta to remember not to sip coffee while reading your posts!ReplyDelete
Emailed this to DH, who'll love it, and who's grumpy for having to go in extra early today. Wonder if he'll be sipping coffee when he reads it?