Thursday, February 03, 2011

And then you have to go and bring up the chicken carcasses

Apparently there are people who can just enjoy the moment and focus on one thing at a time, and don't get all distracted by thoughts of other stuff or I wonder if it's cold outside and hey, look, a squirrel!


So this morning Nick awoke all amorous and I had this fleeting thought of how far past potential ovulation we are. And then I reminded myself that task-based sex does not a happy marriage make.

In fact, if you want to turn one of the funner things on the planet into drudgery, go ahead and make a schedule. And stick to it.

And then send your husband calendar items with notes attached like, "Hold for DOING IT. NO conference calls!"

But sometimes you have to remember that it used to be fun, and you love your husband, and you've got a wee bit of time before you have to get up.

And so you go with it.

And then you cuddle up all schmoopy and husband says, "This is such a warm, comfortable bed."

And you say, "I know. I wish we could live here."


But then you remember some terrible article you read about a morbidly obese man who was basically confined to his bed because he just couldn't get up.

And so you say, "It sounds good, but then think about the obese man who was stuck in bed surrounded by roast chicken carcasses."

At which point your husband, who was having a fine time basking in the happy, is likely to recoil and say, "No. I"


  1. But, you know. He has to get to work. So in a way, he NEEDED you to say something like that, because he needed to stop basking.

    It was a considerate thing you did, really.

  2. I bet you're the kind of girl who used to make post-coital comments about ex-boyfriends too, eh? Take Nick from the high of, well, yanno, all the way down to "morbidly obese surrounded by Peruvian chicken" dude. That's a special skill.

  3. hahahahahahaha... NICE!!!

  4. at least you didn't bring up sodomy?

  5. Jessica - Oh, once again, you are so right! Yes, he needed me to mention the chicken carcasses!

    FoggyDew - I am going to go ahead and take "special skill" as a compliment. OK?

    Go-Betty - I hug you!

    Titania - And it takes no effort at all on my part!

    Hillary - And I never, ever will.

  6. I don't want to be an alarmist here, nor do I want to EVER urge any woman to quash their true emotions...but smart you got a grip on the overall effect of stuff that screws up the common marriage... Stay smart. It's possible to be true to one's self, and at the same time realize and truly understand the motivations that many, many men (of clay feet) visit call girls, or fall prey to manipulative women who, supposedly "always" want it from them, because, "Why wouldn't I - YOU're so SEXY!"
    ...ah, I'm not sayin' EVERY guy has such a weak ego and is all men (and women) have their weak points - and in casses such as this, when the shoe fits, it's often too late by the time the missus has realized it.

    If this post makes me sound like some old broad who's jaded about the frailty of men...Um ok, maybe the shoe fits. I take the 5th.

  7. And you always win the prize for thinking of the most inane things when the rest of the world is basking in the happy. This is why I love you.


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