Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The reason you should never listen to my advice

Image: Edward Gorey: The Gashleycrumb Tinies

I spoke with my friend Laura last night. She's the one I used to have all kinds of shenanigans with, and then she up and moved to California for love.

And I really like her husband, so I can't even be resentful.

So, one of the first things she said was, "In your opinion, does being an orphan mean you don't have siblings?"

She had me there.

In fact, it does not. Being an orphan means you don't have parents. So even if I'd married an orphan, there would be the sisters - my issue of the weekend.

Unless, of course, Nick's entire family minus him had died in a fiery car crash. Or one by one in a series of tragic accidents.

Which, of course, I would never hope for him. Or anyone. Never.

And I'd never suggest that you explicity look for a partner whose whole family had died in a fiery car crash. And definitely not someone whose family members had one by one met with an early end.

Not least of all because maybe that would mean your person was really unlucky, and they might be next. And then you.

What? I mean, you never know.

Also, it would narrow the dating pool so dramatically, and make it close to impossible for you to find any of your 26. Even if they did live.

Plus, the person would most likely be completely traumatized. And so there would be that for you to deal with.

What I'm saying is: never listen to me. I have no sense of direction, and no idea what I'm talking about.

Unless you're my husband or my son. Then I'm always right.


  1. You should curate a museum. The artwork on LG - I'm speechless. You totally know what you're talking about. Most of the time. More times than most other people do :) .

  2. If it's all the same to you, I'm going to keep listening to you all the time.

    Also... where, exactly, did you get that picture from? I think I might need to own it.

  3. sigh....I've been through 9 of my 26 and I'm still on The One Hunt....really could use your Survey. The saddest thing is, if I did come across someone, whose entire family met their demise in a fiery car crash or who had all suffered a series of unfortunate accidents, they would be the most normal person I've met at this point.

  4. Those of us who know what you mean, know what you meant. And I do and I ditto yesterdays comment. Advise On! You're smarter than a therapist by far and much more in tune with what I'm feeling and I'd venture to say, most of your readers feel the same way!Love your drawing btw.

  5. HK - Oh, I suck. I just added an image credit because it's not at all mine. It's Edward Gorey, who was a complete genius.

    And that's nice of you to say. :)

    Jessica - I just put up the credit. He has this wee book that goes through the whole alphabet, one child after another dying tragic deaths.

    K dog - Ugh. That's how it is, isn't it? You go through a lot of crazies before you meet someone who might still be crazy, but at least it is compatible with your own kind of crazy.

    Lynn - Hugs hugs hugs to you. I've had a lot of therapy ,and it has helped.

    And the drawing is not mine! I feel like such a negligent jerk! But I've rectified it.

  6. Ha! I know the feeling -- so many people ask me for advice, and I dispense it even though I try to explain to them that I'm as full of shit as the next person.

  7. But... but, I wrote it in pen on my list yesterday, and now you're telling me I need to remove it. You know Lemon Gloria, pen isn't erasable. :-)

  8. Okay but sometimes ... SOMETIMES a traumatized-by-the-fiery-death-of-all-his-family-members husband seems more appealing than the current situation. In my case, at least.

  9. Lisa, sorry to make you feel bad, I knew you didn't draw this one. But you FOUND it and shared it...hence the curator.

  10. Wendy - I am always happy to give advice, even if I have no vague idea what I'm talking about. I do tend to qualify it, though, so nobody is duped.

    vvk - Um. Sorry. Do people use White-Out anymore? Or is that a thing of the past?

    Hillary - Well, yeah. Sometimes.

    HK - Oh, duh! Of course - CURATOR. Oops. :)

  11. You are so funny -- of course everyone should listen to you!

  12. I love the Gashlycrumb Tinies! Although, hmmm. I have not read it since I became a parent. I kind of doubt I could read it now. [goes to fetch Amphigorey] ...ah! that wasn't so bad. Which is saying a lot, coming from someone who cried her head off when the egg broke in March of the Penguins.

    I think my favorite from that volume might be The Object Lesson. Or maybe The Unstrung Harp. That Edward Gorey was such a genius.

  13. And can you be an orphan at any age? Lie if your parents die when you are 60 are you suddenly an orphan????


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