Thursday, April 07, 2011

ALLarm touchit!

Jordan is fascinated by our house alarm. He loves the buttons.

And although I am bummed that it doesn't connect directly to a little model city that lights up, I too like pushing buttons.

Plus I love that if anything bad happens, the alarm will scream like a motherfucker and the police will arrive.

My son's fascination, I think, started with the doors. Because the alarm beeps and announces whatever alarmed window or door has just been opened. So it'll go "Beep beep beep! Front door!"

Yes, this is super annoying when you have people walking in and out constantly. But the house is big, and it's nice to know what's been opened.

Jordan started by saying, "Door door!"

He then moved on to front/back door. And now he's added the beep. He loves to beep.

The alarm, it seems, is top of his mind at all times. You go in to get him first thing in the morning, and he's standing in his crib, smiling. He says, "Hi!"



Except the way he pronounces it is ALLarm.

So I invariably reply, "Yes. Alarm! Alarm is downstairs!" or something along those lines.

Nick recently began indulging Jordan in his desire to press any and every button that might make some kind of noise. And so Nick will hold him up to the alarm button pad on the wall.

The thing is, Nick is big enough to sit in the red chair and lift J up over his head to get to the buttons. Also, strong enough.

Me, not so much. The kid has got to be somewhere around 30 pounds at this point.

So we'll be sitting in the chair, reading a book, when J will suddenly stand up on my lap, announcing, "ALLarm! Touchit!" "ALLarmtouchit!"

And then he'll procede to scale my body, thinking nothing of stepping on my chest, shoulder, face, in furtherance of his objective. It gets him close, but not quite close enough. I am short, after all.

Standing on my face only gets you so far.

Allarmtouchit indeed.

And now we're off to our 18-month appointment (yes, 18 months was about six weeks ago, and I need to make these appointments months and months in advance and I didn't and I feel like a terrible mom for that) where I fear we will be getting shots and I'm completely dreading it.


  1. holy moly, 18 months? really? i can't believe it's been that long! it seems like just yesterday we were waiting for that news of his arrival... time flies when you're having fun i guess : )

  2. oh so fun! (except for the stepping on the face part...) everyone says you don't want your kids to grow up too fast, but I sort of want mine to grow up just a little so she does more fun stuff and cries less!

  3. Ah cute man. It astonishes me how they get cuter and cuter by the day and just when you think they couldn't get any cuter - WHAM! They do!

    Good luck with the jabs. xx

  4. As the doctor reward, you should let him "ALLarmtouchit!" when you return.

  5. I'm sure it says something about my upbringing and childhood that the enjoyment of button-pushing gives me an initial jolt, followed by an understanding that you meant the physical pushing of actual buttons.

    Also, I think we have an awesome title for your memoir on motherhood: Standing On My Face Only Gets You So Far.

  6. 30lbs is a LOT of babyman flesh to be carting around. Who needs the gym? Good luck with the shots!

  7. loving Jessica's title I really am.

  8. Be careful with the standing on your face habit. I let my little sister do that when she was young. I couldn't ween her off of it until she was ~8. This led to years of bloody noses. Not fun. :-)

  9. jen - He's actually closer to 20. It is crazy.

    Frugal Vegan Mom - I felt like it all got significantly more fun when he started talking. Not that he wasn't fun before, and not that I don't sometimes miss the days when he was a malleable little lump, but I really like what's going on now.

    Miranda - Yes! Exactly! You just think you can't think they're any more adorable or amazing, and then they ARE.

    The jabs kind of sucked. The nurse kept trying with the second shot and then said the needle wasn't working and got another one and then poked at him several times and Jordan was screaming and then Nick yelled and now we're going to have to go back for it another day.


    Tia - We have frozen custard as a treat. With sprinkles.

    Jessica - I did mean the physical pushing of actual buttons, although sometimes I do indulge in the metaphorical version as well, and am not proud of myself for it.

    And I LOVE your title suggestion.

    Hillary - Turns out he's almost 28 lbs. That's enough!

    Go-Betty - Me too!

    vvk - OK, that sounds very terrible and pretty hilarious. Until she was EIGHT YEARS OLD???

  10. 18 months? Oh my goodness. I can't believe he's so big already! I remember when my brother used to do the face standing thing. It didn't get him very far either.


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