Friday, April 08, 2011

In which Nick wins by playing the Genghis Khan card

I just feel like coffee is a much manlier beverage than tea.

And I had to include this photo so you could see the size of the box of tea I ordered. In fact, I ordered two of them from Amazon, delivered to my office. I had to carry them home one at a time.

Somehow I didn't realize that 240 tea bags would mean a shitload of tea. It always seems like a good idea at the time.

So Nick, who is not only very tall but has these gigantor dinosaur-sized bones, could never by any stretch of the imagination be considered remotely effeminate. You could totally picture him as a lumberjack.

He's kind of like Chedo Lino with an office job and nice suits. And without the facial hair.

He drinks tea; coffee makes his stomach hurt.

And one day I happened to mention to him that I just think coffee is manlier. It was probably during one of those moments when he was steeping his disgusting foot tea.

"Tea," I announced, "is more of a girly beverage. Coffee, on the other hand, is all strong and dark and manly."

I offered this a a statement of fact.

(I don't know where I come up with this shit either, truth be told. I hadn't thought of it before it came out of my mouth. But once you pick a position, you kind of have to stick to it, no?)

The fact that I prefer tea over coffee - unless of course I'm in France or Spain or Italy, which I pretty much never am - has nothing to do with anything. I'm almost a vegetarian, and yet I like men to eat meat.

I didn't say it made sense.

Nick was having none of it. He held out the Brits - his people - who had conquered the world drinking tea. The sun never setting on the British Empire and so on. Fueled by tea!

That was an easy one.

I rolled my eyes and pointed out that British men wear skinny jeans. Manly men do not wear skinny jeans. I don't care. They just don't.

I said, "Think of the Romans! They drink coffee! Tiny little super strong shots of espresso. They're all super manly."

Nick sneered. He's not as enamored of the Italians as I.

His eyes lit up. "Genghis Khan! Ha! He and his marauding hordes all drank tea." He looked very pleased with himself.

Genghis Khan. Crap. You can't really argue with Genghis Khan. So I granted him and his horde of Mongols the manly tea-drinkers exception.

And that's all I've got. Happy Friday, all!


  1. I'm not that good at math, so you may want to check my figures, but if he has one cup a day, your teabags will last to Sept. 20, 2013. This assumes that for his business trips, you've remembered to tuck the appropriate number of teabags into his suitcase.

  2. The exception that proves the rule! And I suspect the British Navy was fueled by gin and ale, far more than it was fueled by tea.

  3. tammater sammich - You just made me laugh. While walking home I was trying to do the math on it myself. The thing is, I now drink tea as well, and he uses two bags per cup. And on weekends we have more than one cup. So I was trying to figure out how long that might last...and then I ran out of room in my head and then oh, look, a squirrel! And that was that. I think we'll use them up this year though, at that rate??

    Coleen - Exactly. It might not actually matter, but it's very important in the moment.

    Yes, stupid Genghis Khan. He's going to be my answer to everything now.

  4. I'm equal opportunity when it comes to caffeine. I enjoy my coffee but living in England gave me a true appreciation for tea (PG Tips, holla!)
    That being said, I totally know what you mean about manly men drinking coffee. Shawn drinks ... mochas. Like, with whipped cream and chocolate sauce on top. When we go out for coffee, I order for both of us and pretend that the girly chocolate drink is mine and the manly espresso is his. It is ridiculous.

  5. Hmm, well my hubby started drinking green tea for the same reason as Nick-his stomach hurt when he drank coffee.

    I like both. In fact I do dark roast coffee at home in the morning, chamomile tea at work when I get there, then, often, a green tea laced with honey in the afternoon. Better buzz than coffee in the p.m. for me, and I can actually sleep, which is a bonus.

    But manliness and tea? I've never thought about that correllating before. But now I will. Which will probably make me giggle at inappropriate times, as I'm wont to do.

    The one thing I do think is funny, is when my man drinks coffee, it's either laced with Bailey's on a cold winter morning or one of those ridiculously rich and sweet caramel lattes from SBucks...which tells me he just doesn't like coffee, it's more of a base for other stuff.

    Me, I can take an espresso straight up or go latte or just sweet and light with the dark roast.

    I'm not sure what that means, but there you have it. Have a great weekend!

  6. I've always thought this as well.
    Of course, I married a man who won't drink coffee under any circumstances and only drinks tea. A big man, like Nick, who because of his height and weight is typically listed as a "Clydesdale" in triathlons (I kid you not). Definitely no skinny jeans. Definitely not effeminate.
    And yet, tea is his favored drink.
    You can tell Nick that even the Genghis Kahn argument doesn't sway me. When I think of tea, I imagine a man holding a cup with his pinky in the air.

  7. I love the smell of coffee but don't drink it. And tea, well, it tastes like dirt.

    I was reminded of a line from "Long Story Short" on Broadway..."The Brittish conquered the world with contempt. Looking down their noses at other civilizations over a cup of tea they would waltz in saying 'Is this were you liiivvve?'". Hilarious.

    I don't know, Genghis Kanh could be a cross-dresser. Which is cool, no judgement.

  8. I could go through that lot pretty quickly, as I use about three teabags per each 16oz cup. My cup of tea puts hair on one's chest which, as I'm sure we can agree, is not at all a girlie side-effect.

  9. Atilla the Hun also drank tea....I believe. They didn't do coffee in his area of the world. I think I remember this from a paper I wrote in high school :)

    My dad has had to start drinking tea because of a diet he is on. He's not a fan. "What do you mean I can't put honey or sugar in it?!" He normally drinks 7-11 coffee while my mom drinks her 2 cappucinos that could power rockets into space.

    I prefer tea, but I think somewhere deep in my heritage I am English :)

  10. Jessica - I hadn't thought about the gin and ale. Those will both get you pretty far.

    Hillary - I grew up on tea - India, and all - and then somewhere in my 20s I got into coffee, and I was all about the coffee until I was pregnant and it seemed to make my heart race. And now I'm back to tea. But definitely appreciate a good, strong cup of coffee.

    That's exactly what I mean. It just seems more frou frou to me.

    Stevie - You definitely go through the spectrum in your day! It does sound like your husband is more about the coffee trappings than the coffee. The coffee at our office isn't great, so when I have it, I dump in a packet of hot chocolate. Same idea.

    Thanks - you have a great weekend, too!

    Dana - Yes! Nick would be in the Clydesdale category as well. I don't think they make a skinny jean that Nick could even fit his foot in.

    I will definitely pass along your sentiments. :)

    HK - Oh, you made me laugh and laugh. "I don't know, Genghis Kanh could be a cross-dresser. Which is cool, no judgement."

    I haven't seen the show but I can totally picture that! Hilarious!

    freckledk - That's too strong for me for tea, but I totally respect you for it!

    Kristin - Oh, I forgot about good old Attila and the Huns! Another manly data point!

    Wow, your dad must be having a hard time if he's used to that much coffee. That's a tough switch. I'd definitely take the approach your mom does with the two mega-strong cappuccinos.

  11. My dad drinks tea, and my mother drinks coffee, so I've always thought of tea as a manly drink.

    Personally, I rarely drink either, but when I do drink tea, I like PG tips. I've got a much smaller box at home. :-)

  12. So now I must be practical and point out that NO one in the Old World drank coffee before the discovery of the Americas, because coffee is a New World plant. Along with chocolate, potatoes and corn, just sayin'.

  13. vvk - You know, I always associated coffee with my mom, too. My dad didn't start drinking it till I was an adult. How funny. I'd forgotten all about that.

    As for box size, it's not a contest. :)

    J - I dunno. Africa is Old World, isn't it? They had it first, I believe.

  14. Add me to the list of big men who prefer tea over coffee. The thought of drinking coffee makes me all "blech." Tea, on the other hand, much more civilized. I especially like it the way the Irish drink it: Strong enough to stand a spoon up in.

  15. Lovvee Love love coffee, the smell of freshly brewed coffee, the tase of coffe, coffee cake, coffee ice cream , chocolate covered coffee beans.......all delish but sadly as with nick cannot partake of coffee,sore stomach, dizzy, nauseous etc so I drink tea and to make matters worse I drink Earl Grey and none of this 'gumboot Tea' (teabags) I like mine fron a teapot with unbagged tealeaves, the tatse is so much more flavoursome, ok I am fussy yeah?

  16. ok and as to all my typos , no I havent been drinking I am just really tired.

  17. My mother and father both drink tea, although my father has been known to tip a few tups of coffee now and again. :) I myself, prefer coffee. Pour in cream, stir and done. Not like tea where you have to wait for it to steep ... but then have a quick panic attack because the baby suddenly decides to scale the outside of the staircase, so you run to get him only to come back to over steeped tea. :(

    Turkish coffee. That's the ticket if you wanna either scrap paint off a car, walk on your ceiling or in general decide that sleep is just not for you. Not recommended if you are still nursing your child because like you, they too shall be buzzed beyond all that is holy.

    I know this ... I have done this.

  18. ha! That's great. Growing up I thought men didn't drink coffee. Only women. I only ever saw women drink coffee. I remember the first time I saw a man drinking coffee I thought he was not manly. No matter how ridiculous it is when I see a man drinking coffee today I still think the same thing. Especially iced coffee. Men should not drink iced coffee. Completely irrational.


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